Online Dating and Crossing Boundaries


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bahama_mamma76 is offline bahama_mamma76 Post #1  July 7,2010, 5:38pm

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I'm at my limit for online dating, I believe. I'm pretty sure I'm a magnet for dysfunction.

Over the past week, I've been communicating with a couple of potential matches/dates that I've met on other sites. We've communicated through email through the site, then moved on to IM.

Last night, I was talking with what I thought was a perfectly nice guy. We were going to exchange pictures. He sent his, he was attractive, well groomed, and so on. I sent him my picture, and without a word, poof, he closes the IM box and completely logs off yahoo messenger. I sent him a quick IM, asking if he was still there and got no answer. Still haven't. So I deleted him. Now, I know that I'm NOT Angelina Jolie, but I'm NOT so repulsive that when I send my picture to potential matches that it burns their retinas or they go running for the hills screaming. I mean seriously, have a little respect!

Today I was exchanging emails with, again, what I thought was a perfectly nice, local guy. We had really just been "introduced" so the messages weren't long or very in-depth. It was just general getting to know you kind of stuff. Well, the last message I got, which was at work, said the following statement: "Do you like to wear panty hose a lot?" SERIOUSLY? Within the first few emails is that appropriate?

Then just the other night, another guy thought it was appropriate to let me know during the first conversation that he had once had an inappropriate physical relationship with his cousin!! Then had the nerve to question why I chose to end all communication with him.

Is this really all that's out there????

What makes people think that just because it's "online dating" that they can lose all decency, be completely disrespectful and cross all boundaries? Is it the anonymity of it all?

I'm seriously at my wit's end.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  July 7,2010, 5:46pm
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Well, it if makes you feel better, I'd like to CENSORED!

Um, I mean, it is common, and similar things happen to me.
 
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VB_Girl is offline VB_Girl Post #3  July 7,2010, 5:50pm
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I wonder if the first guy knew you and shouldn't have been talking to another woman.

The other 2 are unexplainable, but I think people forget they are "talking" to a person at the other end of the internet.
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #4  July 7,2010, 6:04pm
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You do get the strange ones, Bahama. Did anyone invite you to Walmart again? Or are they stuck on Target, now?
 
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dmi is offline dmi Post #5  July 7,2010, 6:06pm
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Sometimes technology plays little tricks on you. I had the mic in my cell phone go out in the middle of my first conversation with an eHarmony match. We were getting along really well and had been talking for probably a couple hours. Then, I noticed she was talking over me and not responding to what I was saying. Soon after that, there were a few "are you still there?" Then she hung up. I called her back, but, it then became clear something was wrong with my phone, we texted each other quickly and she seemed to accept it was just a mechanical failure.

It is possible that guy's internet went out at like the worst possible moment and stayed out all night. My ISP has a bad habit of doing that to me. You deleted him a whole one day later without hearing anything or even giving him enough time to be sure he has a connection back, and could have contacted you to explain. He might even be thinking you deleted him because you didn't like his pics.

It is definitely more likely he didn't like what he saw and he's a jerk. But, you could at least give him the benefit of the doubt for a short time. If like a week went by with no explanation, then you can write him off as a jerk.

As for the other two, I guess you know why they're still out there and available. But, there are a lot of good one's too. Keep at it.
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #6  July 7,2010, 6:12pm
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bahama_mamma76 wrote :
I'm at my limit for online dating, I believe. I'm pretty sure I'm a magnet for dysfunction.

Over the past week, I've been communicating with a couple of potential matches/dates that I've met on other sites. We've communicated through email through the site, then moved on to IM.

Last night, I was talking with what I thought was a perfectly nice guy. We were going to exchange pictures. He sent his, he was attractive, well groomed, and so on. I sent him my picture, and without a word, poof, he closes the IM box and completely logs off yahoo messenger. I sent him a quick IM, asking if he was still there and got no answer. Still haven't. So I deleted him. Now, I know that I'm NOT Angelina Jolie, but I'm NOT so repulsive that when I send my picture to potential matches that it burns their retinas or they go running for the hills screaming. I mean seriously, have a little respect!

Today I was exchanging emails with, again, what I thought was a perfectly nice, local guy. We had really just been "introduced" so the messages weren't long or very in-depth. It was just general getting to know you kind of stuff. Well, the last message I got, which was at work, said the following statement: "Do you like to wear panty hose a lot?" SERIOUSLY? Within the first few emails is that appropriate?

Then just the other night, another guy thought it was appropriate to let me know during the first conversation that he had once had an inappropriate physical relationship with his cousin!! Then had the nerve to question why I chose to end all communication with him.

Is this really all that's out there????

What makes people think that just because it's "online dating" that they can lose all decency, be completely disrespectful and cross all boundaries? Is it the anonymity of it all?

I'm seriously at my wit's end.
I take it these are other sights?
No you are not a magnet. They love those sights.
Did it enter your mind that the guy who closed you might actually know you or something? That may not be his real picture either. They may be married and if you recognized them. Well?

There are a lot of game players on those sights.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #7  July 7,2010, 6:12pm
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Hey, c'mon...I was only kidding. Re-open the match!
 
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bahama_mamma76 is offline bahama_mamma76 Post #8  July 7,2010, 6:21pm

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LOL tweet!

I did think for a minute that maybe he did know me, then I realized that the guy was from a completely different state than me, and a state that's many, many, hours away. So the liklihood of him knowing me is slim. Unless someone who knows me took the time to make up a completely fake profile with like ten pictures of the same guy in different poses...which is highly unlikely.

I did, just now, send him one last message through the site to make sure that I didn't jump to conclusions.
 
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bahama_mamma76 is offline bahama_mamma76 Post #9  July 7,2010, 6:24pm

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AndieIsMe wrote :
You do get the strange ones, Bahama. Did anyone invite you to Walmart again? Or are they stuck on Target, now?
LOL...no more requests for Walmart (or Target) and no more requests for parking lot meetings.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #10  July 7,2010, 6:33pm
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Personally, I like parking lots. They make the get-away so much easier.
 
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