is this guy a potential stalker?


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
itsanewworld is offline itsanewworld Post #1  July 7,2010, 6:57am
itsanewworld's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Apr 2010

Posts: 114

See profile

I posted last week about a local business guy I met at a gas station who wanted to go out with me. I did, and he was annoying, but then I decided to give him a second chance. the second and third dates were great, but the fourth date, last night, was horrific. he was just like he was on the first date again, full of inappropriately sexual comments and utterly embarrassing me with the waiter and staff at the restaurant.

all of that was bad enough, but then he admitted to having played a golf game called "RUM-O" before meeting me last night. he basically was drunk and had three more strong cocktails while on our date! so I think that he was drunk before our first date, too, but sober for dates two and three, which was the guy I liked. but I hate his drunk self. he's so obnoxious and annoying.

anyway, I decided that was it, after an hour called it a night and told him I was going home. (and to put his shoes back on - he'd taken them off in this nice restaurant and was sitting barefoot!!!! ack!)

he didn't like that. I left him in the parking lot after a brief hug that I couldn't escape. his mouth was still open, talking, as I pulled away, but oh well. I was outta there. Anyway, he started texting me immediately and called me twice. at the light I read his messages that said, "I wasn't finished talking!" I ignored the messages since I was driving home. He lives a few blocks from me, so I tried to avoid going home the same route so that he wouldn't see where I lived. But he did know the subdivision name. I went a back route, and sighed in relief when he went another way (after he'd originally started to follow me).

but then, when I got to my subdivision, he was waiting on the corner in his car! I totally freaked out. slowed down, rolled down my window, and he said, "I wasn't finished talking!" I said, "but I was! please leave me alone. You're scaring me!"

and then I knew I couldn't pull into my driveway and let him see where I lived, so I had to go through my subdivision and out the back way and I went to the local target store and sat there at 11 p.m. at night in the parking lot, waiting until he might be gone from my subdivision entrance.

he kept texting me during my wait. I texted back and told him I was freaked out and to please leave me alone. he said, "is it over?" I said "yes" and that was that. I thought.

but now, this morning, he's called again and trying to compliment me and tell me how amazing I am and how he doesn't understand why I was scared and ran off last night. I see no need to respond. but I am worried that I'm dealing with a potential stalker. he came to my home uninvited last night. a co-worker said that is stalker behavior.

what should I do? I had to park in the garage last night to hide my car in case he drove by again, and I closed my big wooden gates to further hide my garage. but what else should I do? the cops would be useless at this point.

very scary. maybe it's nothing tho. but who knows. luckily, he doesn't know where I work or my exact address or home phone or work phone numbers. but still. he lives so close to me that we surely shop at the same grocery and I know we go to the same gas station. I might have to totally change up my life for a while to avoid this guy.

or not? what do you guys think? is just showing up on my street/subdivision enough to warrant concern?

for what it's worth, I could not defend myself against this guy. he is trained in the martial arts and he's a big guy.
 
  Reply With Quote
TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #2  July 7,2010, 7:17am
TheThinker's Avatar

Just what you want to be...you will be in the end

Power Poster

Joined: Aug 2009

The Island of Rhode

Posts: 6,423

See profile

Well...unless I'm mistaken, didn't most people tel you to forget about him, not contact him... myself included?
To the posters who said this guy is "just young"..."cute"...is he cute now, to you??
just how cute is he now??


I would hope you heed the advice this time.
A leopard doesn't change his spots.

That's about all I can say.
Last edited by TheThinker; July 7,2010 at 7:20am.
 
  Reply With Quote
morningsunlight is offline morningsunlight Post #3  July 7,2010, 7:17am
morningsunlig…'s Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Jun 2010

Posts: 359

See profile

He was drunk then, right?

But he was decent when he was sober. I think that he'd find someone else pretty quickly if he is that good-looking. He also seems to have been in relatively long-term relationships before and has a child at home. He would have no need to stalk you.

But this may be just a naive, innocent view on my part, as I have never been involved with anyone that is not decent.

Do you know his full name? If so, why don't you consult with the police to check if he has had any criminal records?
Last edited by morningsunlight; July 7,2010 at 7:42am.
 
  Reply With Quote
Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #4  July 7,2010, 7:18am

blames self-help books

Power Poster

Joined: Oct 2009

STL

Posts: 4,879

See profile

Anyone is a potential stalker but he doesn't sound like one.

He was drunk and acting stupid. The first point he realized this was when you were already very upset. You didn't want to talk at that point and he was probably confused as to what he did. Yeah I get that the rest of us can clearly see what he did wrong but he was drunk so not so much.

Take a breath, relax, it sounds like he just wants to know what happened.
 
  Reply With Quote
scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #5  July 7,2010, 7:18am

no stuntman surprises or houdini like disguises for death defying escape

Unregistered

Joined: Apr 2009

Where the clouds are like headlines on a new front page sky

Posts: 10,721

See profile

everyone is a potential stalker. you, me everyone.

anyway- don't freak out about it yet, since one incident does not make a stalker.

1. ignore his calls and texts. they might increase briefly, but eventually he'll move on. the best way to stop contact is to stop contact. just Poof. it's acceptable in this case.

2. be more aware of your suroundings and safety- but there is no use worrying NOW. he hasn't done anything yet.
 
  Reply With Quote
Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #6  July 7,2010, 7:19am

blames self-help books

Power Poster

Joined: Oct 2009

STL

Posts: 4,879

See profile

TheThinker wrote :
Well...unless I'm mistaken, didn't most people tel you to forget about him, not contact him... myself included?
To the posters who said this guy is "just young"..."cute"...is he cute now, to you??
just how cute is he now??


I would hope you heed the advice this time.
That's about all I can say.
Oh lord what else did he do?
 
  Reply With Quote
brixjnz is offline brixjnz Post #7  July 7,2010, 7:20am
brixjnz's Avatar

Update: Joined 12/30/07. Found love 6/2011. Engaged 3/17/2012. <3

Veteran

Joined: Apr 2008

Metro Atlanta

Posts: 1,468

See profile

It does seem worrisome that he went to the trouble to drive to your subdivision and sit in wait for you to get home. I would definitely keep an eye out for a while and pay attention to anyone who might be following you. And let your friends and family (and possibly a trusted neighbor) know what's going on so that they can keep an eye out for you, as well.
 
  Reply With Quote
scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #8  July 7,2010, 7:22am

no stuntman surprises or houdini like disguises for death defying escape

Unregistered

Joined: Apr 2009

Where the clouds are like headlines on a new front page sky

Posts: 10,721

See profile

TheThinker wrote :
Well...unless I'm mistaken, didn't most people tel you to forget about him, not contact him... myself included?
To the posters who said this guy is "just young"..."cute"...is he cute now, to you??
just how cute is he now??


I would hope you heed the advice this time.
A leopard doesn't change his spots.

That's about all I can say.
yep
 
  Reply With Quote
TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #9  July 7,2010, 7:23am
TheThinker's Avatar

Just what you want to be...you will be in the end

Power Poster

Joined: Aug 2009

The Island of Rhode

Posts: 6,423

See profile

Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
Oh lord what else did he do?
You need to read the other thread.
some thought he was cute...I wasn't one of them.
 
  Reply With Quote
Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #10  July 7,2010, 7:28am

blames self-help books

Power Poster

Joined: Oct 2009

STL

Posts: 4,879

See profile

TheThinker wrote :
You need to read the other thread.
some thought he was cute...I wasn't one of them.
Without looking at the other thread he seems like a stupid drunk. I am a happy drunk, I will date other happy drunks, though not ones that want to be happy all the time. I will not date stupid drunks or angry drunks.

She is def better off without him but I don't think he is a stalker type. Seems like he will call/text for a while and then accept it is over. I would almost say tell him he is a stupid drunk but I would think that will only make him promise to never get drunk again around her. With being drunk two out of four dates I don't think it is possible.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Can the horse be put back in the barn? | Dating | ALL text, no talk »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
When Your Partner Has 'Unfulfilled Potential' Sherita1981 DATING & RELATIONSHIPS 10 July 8,2011 4:36pm
New friend, good potential, but she needs to heal justanotherguy Ask a Dating Expert 12 April 11,2010 8:49pm
Dear Potential Match: Is my perfume too strong or is my profile scaring you off? Lovely_Leo Using eHarmony 41 April 11,2010 1:45pm
Potential Match: In Her Profile: I’m the Process of Getting My Concealed Weapons Permit…. GreatGuy38 Using eHarmony 20 February 25,2010 9:43am
Am I a stalker if... Can_u_hear_me_now Dating 25 September 8,2009 8:43pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Sometimes it is better than going on a so-so date just to fill your calendar.” –  sun73

Join the “dreaded free weekend” discussion

“When a man dates women, especially exclusively, who are much more physically attractive, I think he gets exactly what he's asking for and what he deserves - a woman who is not physically attracted to ... ” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “My first "Matchmaker" date” discussion

“Always trust your instincts.” –  sun73

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion

“ I was never into David Cassidy. Now, Shaun Cassidy... loved him! (And he was such a girl, too. So pretty!) I still have his album, too. I think it has my sister's name sticker on it, too. ” –  mitchell175

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion

“I enjoy walking my german shepherd.” –  sun73

Join the “Friday Night Roll Call !!! Sweaty Summer Fun edition!” discussion

“Hmm. I think we are using the term 'preference' differently. Anyway, you can choose 'not important' for everything if you want the widest range of choices possible. If you do that and still don't get ... ” –  mitchell175

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“Seriously? That cloud looks nothing like George Clooney!” –  mitchell175

Join the “Comment to win a FREE month of eHarmony!” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 1:07am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0