Question on Closing a Dream Match ?


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Sistah is offline Sistah Post #1  July 7,2010, 12:40am
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Hi there

I have a question on closing a match on eharmony

when someone closes you, or vice versa, where is the reason given online? does the person who close you normally give a reason or not

I was closed by a man I met recently. I closed him soon after too. we seemed to have the best chemistry together when we met in real life. were some real sparks on both sides. kind of like a dream match, other than some of his characteristics of insecurity, and thinking i would cheat on him. . When we broke up (mutual) he immediately closed our match on eharmony, dropped me from facebook, and dropped me from skype as well alll very quickly.

It was all very intense, and dramatic, and the way we broke up was also dramatic and intense.

was just curious if he may have left a reason somewhere possibly on eharmony profile? Can I leave a reason why I also closed the match with him?

also, I notice that when I look at his profile now, he has no picture available (he did before we met), and I cant request one now either when i click on where his photo should still be. is that only because he closed our match?
he had told me when we were seeing each other, that he was closing his account on eharmony, because we were together. when i checked, i saw his profile was still there, and asked him about it. he told me that on eharmony, one is unable to completely delete their profile, but he had closed himself off from being matched, and taken his photo down. his subscription was to run out in a few months from now.

does no photo on his profile and no way of requesting his photo, mean he had closed himself off from ALL matches on eharmony or just to me???

and why I am asking all this? well, thats another story altogether... lol
 
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Tutela_Valui is offline Tutela_Valui Post #2  July 7,2010, 1:37am
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I am on the 'Australia eH' website so I am not sure if it is the same as yours but no the Australian version does not contain a reason why people close you. It appears you already know the answer to this though... you have separated. To be brutally honest why would he communicate with you via eH when you have already dated???

This was a one-sided break-up right... his decision?? Please don't try to understand why he does and does not do things as you will never understand and this is not needed to move on from the relationship. Lick your wounds and move on... SORRY.
 
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Sistah is offline Sistah Post #3  July 7,2010, 1:55am
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it was a mutual breakup. but i do wish there was a reason listed. it certainly would help for future relationships, and his as well.

No licking of wounds here. I am currently seeing another man, but was curious why we couldn't list a reason. kinda wish eharmony allowed all countries to give a reason.
 
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ThePriestess is offline ThePriestess Post #4  July 7,2010, 1:59am
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Sistah wrote :
and why I am asking all this?
You know why he closed you ... because you broke up!

So why do you care if he specified a reason ... and why are you looking at his profile?
 
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Bearling is offline Bearling Post #5  July 7,2010, 2:00am
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I think eHA system has been updated. I started my membership months ago - I still remember there was a list of reseaons that you can choose if you want to close a match.

Nowadays they've changed it into "archive". So if you don't click with certain match you don't first close it you just "archive" it. The person could still send you communication. After that you can choose to "close this match".
 
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Tutela_Valui is offline Tutela_Valui Post #6  July 7,2010, 2:00am
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Sorry I realised you stated 'mutual' (um) once I completed my message. It would be great if matches could give reasons for closing you but in your particular circumstance it is clear as day why he closed you ... because you both mutually decided it was not going to work and then you both mutually closed each other... do you really need to know more?
 
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Sistah is offline Sistah Post #7  July 7,2010, 2:06am
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Tutela

do i really need to know more?
Yes.

and why am I looking at his profile? boredom. lol. and curious to see if he has moved on with someone else yet.

i would have thought he would have re opened his profile/matching on eharmony since we broke up.

can anyone answer my question?

if this person had reopened his matching with others, would his picture be available, as it was prior to our relationship, and him deciding to delete it off, or just not available to me?
 
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ThePriestess is offline ThePriestess Post #8  July 7,2010, 2:10am
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Sistah wrote :
do i really need to know more?
Yes.
I don't understand, based on the details you mentioned, why you need more information. Why don't you ask him directly?
 
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Sistah is offline Sistah Post #9  July 7,2010, 2:15am
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P.S. Hows thsi for moving on?

the very next day after breaking up with him, I had a date. (not from eharmony) (I figure the best way to get over someone is to find someone else!) It has helped, but not yet completely erased his memory. Time will do that, I'm sure.
but you know when you connect with someone on a really deep level,its not that easy or quick to just forget about them. Maybe for men it is, but not for me.

I love bonding with a man, esp. a deep connection. Had it with him in spades, right from the start. But all was not well in happyland. He was very insecure. continually questioning me on my past behaviour etc etc.
Maybe eharmony's matching is really on tto something, even though our relationshp didn't work out, i won't forget about him in a hurry. I think its all part of the grieving process of getting over someone, u deeply connect to.

I am still seeing this current man, who wants to have a full on relationship with me. he is looking to settle down. but there is none of the intensity like with the ex partner. and maybe that's a good thing, as far as dependable and staying power of this currentl relationshp

maybe the ones that start off sooo explosively (as far as chemistry), do not have the staying power of lasting relationshps
 
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ThePriestess is offline ThePriestess Post #10  July 7,2010, 2:16am
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Sistah wrote :
P.S. Hows thsi for moving on?

the very next day after breaking up with him, I had a date.
I don't care if you married someone the next day, you're still hung up on this guy :P
 
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