Is this why people are scared of online dating?


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primarilyconfused is offline primarilyconfused Post #1  July 6,2010, 5:02pm
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Let me begin by saying I am a what you see is what you get girl. No questions where you stand with me. I'm basically transparent. I joke around and could be considered to have a sarcastic sense of humor.

Man contacted me on another site by email, a few messages back and forth. I then started on IM. We chatted there for over 3 hours the first time. Conversation went well, alot in common (interests, values, etc). Flirty words on both sides and a lot of joking around. One differing view was on me sharing my last name. (with that info a person can be located). That kind of annoyed him but I told him I was just being safe. Comments here and there about the conversation being one sided, me not sharing. I have 3 kids to protect so its not just me. So we finally hang up for the night about 2 a.m. Next morning I get a hello text. Text off and on for a few hours. Then he calls out of the blue. I'm at the store. We talk for a few minutes and I'm impressed with the voice as well. So a few more texts back and forth. Then I get this -

"What kind of temper do you have?" I say not much of one.
"You ever been told you have an argumentative/combative spirit?" I say never, is that what you think of me?
So he goes on to say yes and that it wasn't just one thing but comments as well as my tone of voice on the phone. I'm thinking WHAT?? I went on to say why don't you just call me and see. I then told him I thought we were miscommunicating because that is so NOT ME. We all understand how texting can be misconstrued. So I try to call him to show I'm not hiding. Got voicemail. I also asked him to call me. So he texted that he already called and he is working. I basically told him that wasn't me and asked if he wanted to be done talking. I told him I am direct and nothing vengeful was behind it.

I was really just dumbfounded. He said maybe he mistook the directness for something else. And that it was something to pray about. End of discussion for that day.

Today I get a "how's your day email?" Just a few texts and then it stopped.

Any ideas on this guy?
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  July 6,2010, 5:06pm
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This is why I:

- Never text (instant messages, etc.)

- Don't spend too long, in total or at once, via any electronic means.

- Meet sooner.

This is something you might choose to dismiss as an awkward moment / misintepretation. It sounds lame to me, that he would ask in such a junky way, if it is a real perception / concern, for him.
 
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primarilyconfused is offline primarilyconfused Post #3  July 6,2010, 5:10pm
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Let me clarify that the text ended today with me. I was working and didn't really have a response to what he sent.
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #4  July 6,2010, 5:10pm
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This guy is already jumping on boundries.
Sounds like he loves to play games.
Proceed at your own risk.
 
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ThePriestess is offline ThePriestess Post #5  July 6,2010, 5:16pm
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I dunno.
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #6  July 6,2010, 5:18pm
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Without knowing what you sound like I cant say if he is right or wrong...but its his impression.

He got that first impression when he called you out of the blue he got this non welcoming/sexy voice he was hoping for. Since you were in the store you werent totally focused on him so you came off as disinterested, mean spirited, or you frequently lose your temper (maybe because he heard you swear for no reason).


As DLion said..you need to try to talk sooner than text and try to meet face to face because people tend to jump on the littlest things that are based on impressions and likely read wrong or taken out of context.


One time I was at initial OC with a women and on the 2nd or 3rd email to her and asked her "how was her day, what did you do?"...she flies off on a tangent and just closes the match as if I am somehow trying to control her or stalk her by asking that question.
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #7  July 6,2010, 5:25pm
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Also your voice, mannerisms, and some of the other things you said likely gave him flashbacks from a past relationship of his where the person showed these same traits he is referring to..and he does not like nor want.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #8  July 6,2010, 5:37pm
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Maybe, but it is his responsibility to measure objectively his new partner, and discuss / clarify any concerns - not make assumptions (baggage!)

The concerns might be valid, but the communication is very poor.
 
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primarilyconfused is offline primarilyconfused Post #9  July 6,2010, 5:38pm
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I totally understand everything you all have said. This all happened in 24 hours so I couldn't see him any quicker. Guess we could have gone to phone but most of the talking was the initial conversation.

What is the clue of an argumentative/combative spirit? I think i'm shocked because my conversation was the same throughout all the conversation.

I'm by no means focused on this guy. Just wanted some opinions and want to see what I might be missing regarding my behavior.

Keep the advice coming.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #10  July 6,2010, 5:44pm
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I would not assume you have any problem, or did anything wrong.

What one person takes as "argumentitive," another might take as "precision" or "exacting."

I would tend to see this as a mis-fit partnership, and move on.
 
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