Communicating on-line but no date


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Tutela_Valui is offline Tutela_Valui Post #1  July 6,2010, 7:01am
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The most curious thing just happened to me. I have been in open communication with someone for about a month and I suggested we meet but made no specific plans around this. His email in response addressed each of my points raised in the email but completely ignored my request to meet.

Any advice as to how to respond to him considering he completely ignored my request to meet would be welcomed.
 
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royd1981 is offline royd1981 Post #2  July 6,2010, 7:14am
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As a preface, I have only been dating for about 2 years now so I could be wrong. But, from my experience he may just have an interest in being friends, depending on his values (which you hopefully are familiar with), he may need a stronger push like a specific place and time or may not like the idea of someone else suggesting a date, either is possible. He may be talking with multiple women or seeing one in particular he is very interested in so he doesn't really have a desire to necessarily meet at this time. He may be very shy and the idea of meeting scares him to death. If you are brave enough I would try talking with him on the phone first since you have been chatting for a long time or depending on his personality just striaght out ask him why he didn't respond to that question, tactfully of course, he may even have been looking for a place to meet and not found anything he found suitable yet. So many possibilities, best of luck though.
Last edited by royd1981; July 6,2010 at 7:19am.
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #3  July 6,2010, 7:21am
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Tutela_Valui wrote :
The most curious thing just happened to me. I have been in open communication with someone for about a month and I suggested we meet but made no specific plans around this. His email in response addressed each of my points raised in the email but completely ignored my request to meet.

Any advice as to how to respond to him considering he completely ignored my request to meet would be welcomed.
Perhaps he sees you talking on the phone first? You could give him your number and ask him to talk, and then bring up meeting.

Alternatively, you can email your request to meet again, since he didn't answer. Make the email only about this request, with no other questions or topics of discussion, so he will have to see it. If he ignores it, it will be very deliberate avoiding of in person meeting on his part.

I wouldn't want to continue being only email penpals for longer than you've done already if he lives relatively close to you, but perhaps that's all he's ready for with online dating. That is investing a lot of time into a stranger that you might not click with when you finally meet.
 
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jayhawkgirl is offline jayhawkgirl Post #4  July 6,2010, 7:26am
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It could be any of the things royd listed, plus he could be married or already in a relationship, as crazy as that sounds.

If you're really interested in him, I would reply and include only the topic of meeting in your e-mail. If he ignores it a second time, I'd close the match.
 
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2clueless is offline 2clueless Post #5  July 6,2010, 7:31am
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I had this recently with a match. Some people just don't want to meet for whatever reasons. It didn't work for me so I moved on.

If you are invested in this match, I would see if you can shift to the phone and then bring it up again casually but with a specific timeframe like: this weekend or in the next week.
 
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Cape_Codder is offline Cape_Codder Post #6  July 6,2010, 7:38am

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The majority of eHa members desire to meet people with the intention of developing long term relations. Central to that focus is actually meeting the person. An ongoing discussion in the boards are the how, when and where's of meeting. Most posts indicate a belief of meeting sooner rather than later.

That being said, somone who ignores a request to meet runs contrary to most individuals goal and should be viewed with skepticism or a red flag.

If they ignore a second request I would close immediately.

You are probably dealing with someone who has something to hide; a spouse, etc.
 
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Tutela_Valui is offline Tutela_Valui Post #7  July 6,2010, 7:43am
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Thanks for all of your advice. I feel uncomfortable about giving him my phone number (for safety reasons) but perhaps I will send him a message just asking him to meet as suggested. What can I really lose by doing this right? As MelinCali said I am not on eH to meet pen pals, ha ha.

A big thanks.
 
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Tutela_Valui is offline Tutela_Valui Post #8  July 6,2010, 7:51am
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Cape_Codder wrote :
The majority of eHa members desire to meet people with the intention of developing long term relations. Central to that focus is actually meeting the person. An ongoing discussion in the boards are the how, when and where's of meeting. Most posts indicate a belief of meeting sooner rather than later.

That being said, somone who ignores a request to meet runs contrary to most individuals goal and should be viewed with skepticism or a red flag.

If they ignore a second request I would close immediately.
Very true... I must admit I was taken aback when he did not even acknowledge my request. A big red flag is being waved. Unfortunately, I think it probably just signals he is not too interested in me and is just communicating to keep his options open. I was seriously considering just closing him from his response so I am pleased I sought the Boards advice before replying to him. Thank you!
 
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Lizzy1229 is offline Lizzy1229 Post #9  July 6,2010, 7:54am
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I have been emailing and talking on the phone with a guy since Oct.2009---he seems to be a great person and really have great communication, like pen pals. I brought up a meeting and he claims the distance is too far (3 hour drive). I have hopes that will change(his fear of a 3 hour drive). Should I cut it off now?????
 
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hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #10  July 6,2010, 8:05am

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Lizzy1229 wrote :
I have been emailing and talking on the phone with a guy since Oct.2009---he seems to be a great person and really have great communication, like pen pals. I brought up a meeting and he claims the distance is too far (3 hour drive). I have hopes that will change(his fear of a 3 hour drive). Should I cut it off now?????
If you're treating him as anything more than just some guy you trade emails with, then yeah, forget about that.
 
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