whatashameaboutme is offline whatashameaboutme Post #1  July 4,2010, 1:06am
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My dream woman is Jane Leeves. Anyway, there's a woman in her mid-20s that's was on a friend of a friend's list. (I don't make a habit of facebook searching people I don't know...but she stuck out like a sore thumb.)

I idiotically messaged her late last-yearish telling her she looks exactly like her. Not surprisingly, she had no idea who she was but said thanks for the compliment. I sent her another message or two, asking her if she wanted to get coffee, that kind of thing. She eventually messaged me back and said don't take it personally but she's only on facebook to talk to people she already knows. I respected her wishes and didn't message her anymore.

I noticed that a band on her profile list is playing at a bar/restaurant I've been to many times in town.

Two part question:

1.)What are the odds of her being there?

2.)How would I handle talking to her, just making it sound like it was a coincedence that she was there...or would I just introduce myself, and play dumb and go with the flow?

Like I said, I usually wouldn't go this far, but when there's a mid 20something Jane Leeves carbon-copy lookalike that lives a couple towns over, it's hard not to be tempted.
 
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beentherehavetee is offline beentherehavetee Post #2  July 4,2010, 3:51am
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I wouldn't suggest you do this. This reads like "The Makings of a Stalker." Please leave this woman alone.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  July 4,2010, 5:00am
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You send a person a message which says "Hey, did you know that [name of band] is playing at [name of bar] this [day]?"

You could either add "I'd like to go there with you." or wait for her to answer first.

I'd say the odds a poor: she may not in fact care, she may not be available / interested in going out, she may already have a partner. Even if all of that isn't an issue, she may not care to go with you.

But, it doesn't hurt to ask.

I would not play this "oh looked, I randomly bumped into you!" Unless you know she is alone, and goes alone to such things, odds are she has a partner, or will be there with friends.

Personally, I would encourage you to overcome this manner of "typecasting," as it is not an appealling thing for women.
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greg75 is offline greg75 Post #4  July 4,2010, 5:26am
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I agree 100% with D_Lion. OP, it probably would have been more kosher for your friend to have introduced you to this girl rather than you to have messaged her out of the blue. Plus, more times than not, the line of, "hey you look just like [enter actress name] does not work.
 
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whatashameaboutme is offline whatashameaboutme Post #5  July 4,2010, 5:29am
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beentherehavetee wrote :
I wouldn't suggest you do this. This reads like "The Makings of a Stalker." Please leave this woman alone.
While I agree I shouldn't (and won't) do this, women do this kind of thing all the time...know info they shouldn't know about a guy and use it to conveniently be in the right place at the right time.

Rather than risk anything bad though, I simply sent a message being honest...not mentioning Jane Leeves...just saying that I find her very attractive, and that while I wish we met somewhere else and I don't blame her for being cautious on facebook, I can assure her I'm not some 60 year old guy, and mentioning that my band has a gig if she wants to see me.
 
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Emme0264 is offline Emme0264 Post #6  July 4,2010, 5:52am
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I'd probably email her and say you see that this band is in town at one of your favorite bars, and that you saw on her profile that she likes them. Ask her what kind of music they play and if she'd be uncomfortable if you went to check the band out with a friend. If she's ok with that, go but totally bring a friend and do NOT approach her. She must know what you look like, so if she's at all interested she can approach you. If she's uncomfortable with your going, don't go. Going in that circumstance would be stalkerish and scary. The key is to bring a friend and enjoy the band, not to pick this woman up or approach her. You're making yourself available and if she's at all interested I'm sure she'll say hello.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #7  July 4,2010, 6:09am
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whatashameaboutme wrote :
While I agree I shouldn't (and won't) do this, women do this kind of thing all the time...know info they shouldn't know about a guy and use it to conveniently be in the right place at the right time.

Men are never fearful of women, and are usually going to be impressed by a woman who shows initiative. At worst, he will have no interest in her.

Women are often fearful of men, even before he does something weird.

There are conventional methods for men to approach and signal interest to women; deviating from them is a Hollywood story moreso than a good idea.

It is better to be direct, specific, and obvious with your intent. Also, to be comfortable with yourself, appear healthy with your motives, and able to handle rejection if necessary.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #8  July 4,2010, 7:00am
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whatashameaboutme wrote :
While I agree I shouldn't (and won't) do this, women do this kind of thing all the time...know info they shouldn't know about a guy and use it to conveniently be in the right place at the right time.

Rather than risk anything bad though, I simply sent a message being honest...not mentioning Jane Leeves...just saying that I find her very attractive, and that while I wish we met somewhere else and I don't blame her for being cautious on facebook, I can assure her I'm not some 60 year old guy, and mentioning that my band has a gig if she wants to see me.
Mature women DON"T do this all the time. I don't actually know any women who do this, by the way.
I had a very similar situation last fall with an EH match who, due to my own error, found out where I was going to be. Not only did he show up, he somehow convinced the propietors beforehand that he and I were together and had just purchased our tickets seperately, and had us seated at the same table. Most uncomfortable, awkward night of my dating life!
OP, don't just 'show up'. You will lose any chance you might have had with this girl.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #9  July 4,2010, 7:33am

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Dropdeadredtx wrote :
Mature women DON"T do this all the time. I don't actually know any women who do this, by the way.
I had a very similar situation last fall with an EH match who, due to my own error, found out where I was going to be. Not only did he show up, he somehow convinced the propietors beforehand that he and I were together and had just purchased our tickets seperately, and had us seated at the same table. Most uncomfortable, awkward night of my dating life!
OP, don't just 'show up'. You will lose any chance you might have had with this girl.
that's crazy. he probably thought he was being romantic- and instead he actually forced you into dating him.

I can't believe you sat there- I would have left, or the very least, asked the manager to seat me somewhere else.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #10  July 4,2010, 7:39am

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whatashameaboutme wrote :
My dream woman is Jane Leeves. Anyway, there's a woman in her mid-20s that's was on a friend of a friend's list. (I don't make a habit of facebook searching people I don't know...but she stuck out like a sore thumb.)

I idiotically messaged her late last-yearish telling her she looks exactly like her. Not surprisingly, she had no idea who she was but said thanks for the compliment. I sent her another message or two, asking her if she wanted to get coffee, that kind of thing. She eventually messaged me back and said don't take it personally but she's only on facebook to talk to people she already knows. I respected her wishes and didn't message her anymore.

I noticed that a band on her profile list is playing at a bar/restaurant I've been to many times in town.

Two part question:

1.)What are the odds of her being there?

2.)How would I handle talking to her, just making it sound like it was a coincedence that she was there...or would I just introduce myself, and play dumb and go with the flow?

Like I said, I usually wouldn't go this far, but when there's a mid 20something Jane Leeves carbon-copy lookalike that lives a couple towns over, it's hard not to be tempted.
1. i dunno, maybe she'll be there.

2. is this a RL friend of a RL friend or just facebook "friends"?

In the first case, you can walk up to her and introduce yourself as a friend of so and so. she may still think you are stalking her though.

in the second case- yeah, you are a stalker. i mean, go to the thing if you want to but leave her alone.
 
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