jens84 is offline jens84 Post #1  July 3,2010, 5:20am
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So, I was contacted by a guy online, instead of emailing for a bit, we exchanged numbers right away. He sends me a text asking where I lived, he commented that it was a richy area. He said he had to move to "the hood" to rent recently because he opened his own practice (he just became a doctor) and couldn't afford a down payment on something because he had business loans. My text back to him was "That's great! Congratulations! Sometimes you have to take a few steps back to make big leaps forward " He responded back with "Now you're my psychologist, financial adviser & accountant! LOL Too Funny" I replied that I didn't recall giving any financial, accounting advice. He then sent my last sentence in quotes back to me "sometimes you have to take a few steps back to make big leaps forward". I was confused and thought he obviously was upset by that for some reason if he sent it back to me in quotes. I texted back saying that's just a quote that I like that be can applied to anything in life and didn't consider it advice.

I still didn't realize he was upset and sent him an additional text saying i thought the neighborhood he lived in was nice and made a comment about making plans to meet soon. Well, I never heard back from him. It was pretty late so I assumed he just fell asleep.

A few days has passed so I texted him last night asking if he wanted to make plans. He replied back that we aren't a good match based on what transpired in our texting. I replied back that I am not sure what the misunderstanding was and wish we would have talked on the phone instead of text to get to know one another.

So, I guess that's done. But I am still confused. Did I say something wrong or is this guy just out of his mind?
Last edited by jens84; July 3,2010 at 6:28am.
 
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MrBDownTown is offline MrBDownTown Post #2  July 3,2010, 5:44am
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jens84 wrote :
So, I was contacted by a guy online, instead of emailing for a bit, we exchanged numbers right away. He sends me a text asking where I lived, he commented that it was a richy area. He said he had to move to "the hood" to rent recently because he opened his own practice (he just became a doctor) and couldn't afford a down payment on something because he had business loans. My text back to him was "That's great! Congratulations! Sometimes you have to take a few steps back to make big leaps forward " He responded back with "Now you're my psychologist, financial adviser & accountant! LOL Too Funny" I replied that I didn't recall giving any financial, accounting advise. He then sent my last sentence in quotes back to me "sometimes you have to take a few steps back to make big leaps forward". I was confused and thought he obviously was upset by that for some reason if he sent it back to me in quotes. I texted back saying that's just a quote that I like that be can applied to anything in life and didn't consider it advice.

I still didn't realize he was upset and sent him an additional text saying i thought the neighborhood he lived in was nice and told made a comment about making plans to meet soon. Well, I never heard back from him. It was pretty late so I assumed he just fell asleep.

A few days has passed so I texted him last night asking if he wanted to make plans. He replied back that we aren't a good match based on what transpired in our texting. I replied back that I am not sure what the misunderstanding was and wish we would have talked on the phone instead of text to get to know one another.

So, I guess that's done. But I am still confused. Did I say something wrong or is this guy just out of his mind?

Sound's like he's a bit wound up. You got lucky and tripped his trigger early. This may have saved you a lot of time and possibly heart ache if it had gone on a lot longer.
 
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NYCpigeon is offline NYCpigeon Post #3  July 3,2010, 5:55am
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  July 3,2010, 6:18am
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You did not say anything wrong at all and no sane normal person would have that kind of a reaction. The guy is a complete basket case. Don't forget to thank your lucky stars that you found out so fast and easily.
 
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jens84 is offline jens84 Post #5  July 3,2010, 6:25am
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Well thank God I'm not the only one that doesn't see anything wrong with what I said. I was starting to think it was me. I still don't get it though, how could he even be offended at all? Could that quote (which is a commonly used saying and not one I made up), be perceived as insulting or offensive?
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #6  July 3,2010, 6:41am
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People who live by pat sayings really aren't a good match with people who live by quantitative analysis. He was right.

It was also not a good idea to defend the point, or to backpedal by subsequently affirming the quality of the neighborhood.

While I disagree with the advices above, I agree that this may be a person with an incompatible communication style / values, and finding that out sooner prevents wasting time and possibly becoming attached to a poor choice of partner.

In the future, I think the best reply would have been something like "dumb saying - my bad. Sorry." (Assuming you didn't take the need to have to write that as reason to end things, of course.)
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #7  July 3,2010, 6:54am
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Sounds like he had a chip on his shoulder about moving back to "the hood' as he called it(the comments about you living in a "richy" area confirm it, also)...so, he decided to take it out on you, that's all.

Feelings of inadequacy.
 
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DashMN is offline DashMN Post #8  July 3,2010, 6:58am
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Jens, there's an expression that I think applies here. "We respond to others, not based on what they think, but based on what we think they think."

The way I read this is he is making value judgments based on a person's area of residence. When you told him where you live, the first thing he said was that it was a "richy area." He thinks about his own area of residence and then feels somehow inadequate in contrast to where you live. Because he feels inadequate, he assumes that you also will find him to be inadequate and/or will consider yourself to be better than him. At that point, to him, it could have seemed like you were being condescending by trying to put a positive spin on his situation.

There's nothing wrong with what you said. And clearly this guy is overly focused on measuring himself against others. When he couldn't measure up to you residence-wise, it was a blow to his ego, and as pigeon says, that's an indicator of low self-esteem. You dodged a bullet here.

DLion makes a good point about quantitative analysis versus cliche' sayings, and that certainly could have contributed, but the guy's overreaction makes clear that there was something more going on than just him thinking it's not a good match.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #9  July 3,2010, 7:22am
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jens84 wrote :
My text back to him was "That's great! Congratulations! Sometimes you have to take a few steps back to make big leaps forward " He responded back with "Now you're my psychologist, financial adviser & accountant! LOL Too Funny" I replied that I didn't recall giving any financial, accounting advice. He then sent my last sentence in quotes back to me "sometimes you have to take a few steps back to make big leaps forward". I was confused and thought he obviously was upset by that for some reason if he sent it back to me in quotes. I texted back saying that's just a quote that I like that be can applied to anything in life and didn't consider it advice.

I still didn't realize he was upset
See, I read this in a way different from everyone else. I could be wrong, but let me suggest this possiblity: he wasn't upset at all but was genuinely amused *LOL too funny") and made a joke ("Now you're my...") in return. That you didn't "get" it, and the exchange the followed, turned him off. (Possibly you seemed too serious?)

Is this possible?
 
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charmed59 is offline charmed59 Post #10  July 3,2010, 7:23am
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On the "richy" neighborhood thing. I'm not sure what works there. I've tried the slowly letting it come out over a series of dates. I've tried the lay it all out there on the first date. If the guys aren't comfortable with your circumstances they just aren't comfortable. It doesn't matter how you present it.
 
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