Ok Ladies, She will not provide contact info...What's up?


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nycguy7 is offline nycguy7 Post #1  July 2,2010, 10:48am
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ok, so i'm new to the online dating thing. I've been talking to someone over eharmony mail for almost a week and asked for her number. She responded with, "So I generally do not give out my contact info until after we have met in person due to unpleasant past experiences. Just being safe."

Now I understand just being safe. I have a sister. But my thing is you have to take some risk. Provide your number. And tell a friend where you are going/etc/etc and give them the guy's info. However, her statement just turned me off. I'm real ID certified. She is not. And personally I don't feel like scheduling to meet someone at a coffee shop/drinks/etc and not having any of their contact info. Am I over reacting?
 
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Tipitina is offline Tipitina Post #2  July 2,2010, 10:53am
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This isn't uncommon at all. Many people get gunshy about giving out their number after having had a bad experience.

The important thing to remember is that it's not a judgement on YOU -- it's a reflection of her past experiences.
 
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Mr79percent is offline Mr79percent Post #3  July 2,2010, 10:55am
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Tipitina wrote :
This isn't uncommon at all. Many people get gunshy about giving out their number after having had a bad experience.

The important thing to remember is that it's not a judgement on YOU -- it's a reflection of her past experiences.

Pretty much.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #4  July 2,2010, 11:00am
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Yeah, don't take it personally. Also, I wouldn't read too much meaning into it ... it's possible she's hyper anxious or paranoid, but having had a bad experience perhaps she's just a nice normal woman who's taking care of herself.

However ... you don't have to meet anyone you don't want to meet, for whatever reason.

Could you think of it as an adventure? "I'm going to meet Mystery Woman! She might not even show up! Know not-much about her!"

Or, you could suggest she get a throwaway phone for use in online dating. Or, does eharmony still have Secure Call? I think it does.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #5  July 2,2010, 11:00am
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Keep in mind that you are a complete stranger to her at this point. There really isn't any way for her to know that you are a decent guy (even though you know that you are). The sad fact is that it's simply not safe to provide your personal info to everyone out there....

I would overlook this if you are otherwise interested in meeting her...
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #6  July 2,2010, 11:00am
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This is a concern.

One way to set someone up to be stood up is to give no way to call them (in other words, she wants to try to double book the night with someone better, at which point you are stood up and strung along.)

One way to cheat is to make all the contact timing and methods being on their terms.

However, coffee is such a minimal-investment meeting, that you are replying to her lack of investment with lack of investment of your own.

I probably would meet her - but I would be setting the time / place / location.

I would be alert about paying attention to just how "available" she is, however.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  July 2,2010, 11:21am
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Just what others have said, don't take this personally. You know that you are a good person but she does not and bad experiences can definitely leave you jittery. You feel like you dodged one bullet and don't want to get in the way of another.

Meeting for a coffee is no skin off your back, so I would go ahead and arrange that with her and let her see you in person and decide for herself that you are just a normal person.
 
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TheProdigy is offline TheProdigy Post #8  July 2,2010, 11:34am

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Close match. If she really liked you, she'd take the chance and give you her number. Even it was a Google Voice number.
 
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TalkingTina is offline TalkingTina Post #9  July 2,2010, 11:37am
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TheProdigy wrote :
Close match. If she really liked you, she'd take the chance and give you her number. Even it was a Google Voice number.

Don't close match. She may have had a bad experience in the past with a guy who kept calling after she wasn't interested and she may have had to change her phone number to get rid of him. It isn't personal, she just had a bad past experience and is being cautious. Go ahead and meet her.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #10  July 2,2010, 11:41am
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Something tells me his match never heard of Google Voice.
 
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