Do You Friends Help or Hinder Your Dating Life?


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greg75 is offline greg75 Post #1  July 2,2010, 5:15am
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First of all, I love my friends to death, but I feel like they hinder my dating life more than they help. For instance, I have one friend who has low self-esteem and he tends to try to "crack" on me or to say things to bring me down to make him look better. He's not a bad guy and he doesn't do this constantly, but he does do this in public which annoys me. I have another friend who always has to bring up embarrassing stories about me to people she's just met. While she thinks the stories are funny (which in my circle of friends they are funny) it really doesn't give a very good image of who I am. And yet I have another friend who has wanted to set me up with women for awhile, but she never follows through. And if I bring around a new girlfriend, she seems to be very "stand-offish" and won't really give much of an effort to be social. I also have friends who will tell me that I have no chance with this or that girl, because they are out of my league. In fact, he said the same thing about the girl I am going out with now. Basically saying I don't have a chance with her, even though we have went out on one date and have already planned two more dates together.

So, as you can see, as much as I do love my friends, and they have been there for me several times. When it comes to my dating life, they seem to hinder me more than help, which could also be a reason why I'm 35 and haven't been married yet. So, do you have friends like this? What do you do when you do start dating somebody? I thin if things continue to go well between me and this woman, it's going to take awhile before I feel comfortable having her around my friends. I've already had one of my friends ask if her and her husband could go with us to the zoo next week (my third date) and I'm not really feeling comfortable with that. What are your thoughts, aside from getting new friends.
 
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greg75 is offline greg75 Post #2  July 2,2010, 5:17am
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Oh, and I meant Do YOUR friends, not do YOU friends...LOL! Sorry, haven't had my caffeine yet.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #3  July 2,2010, 5:22am

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I don't have friends.

Be glad your friend hasn't fixed you up yet. Friends almost always suck at setting you up. In the end you start wondering how well your friends actually know you as well. I had a friend fix me up with who I call Corvette tool, I have yet to let him live that down. After the date I asked him(friend) have I done anything in the time you have known me to indicate I would want to date a superficial tool? He said not really but I was tired of hearing him complain at work that no one would go out with him. Yeah thanks, like I want your problems.
Last edited by Can_I_just_be_Jo; July 2,2010 at 5:27am. Reason: cause I can
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #4  July 2,2010, 5:42am
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Gee Greg, where did you find such good 'friends'?

As far as your friends accompanying you to the zoo, offer to meet them there because you're going somewhere else before or after. Things like zoos and museums can be a little awkward for a group of people because different things are interesting to different people and you often get separated. So what's the sense in going together?
 
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greg75 is offline greg75 Post #5  July 2,2010, 5:53am
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tweet37 wrote :
Gee Greg, where did you find such good 'friends'?

As far as your friends accompanying you to the zoo, offer to meet them there because you're going somewhere else before or after. Things like zoos and museums can be a little awkward for a group of people because different things are interesting to different people and you often get separated. So what's the sense in going together?
Well, if I let them go, they wouldn't be going with me, they'd probably be meeting up with me. Which in itself can turn into a big issue (you just gotta know my friends.) I personally think I'd much rather wait until I have been dating this girl a couple months before I introduce her into the fold.
 
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greg75 is offline greg75 Post #6  July 2,2010, 5:56am
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Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
I don't have friends.

Be glad your friend hasn't fixed you up yet. Friends almost always suck at setting you up. In the end you start wondering how well your friends actually know you as well. I had a friend fix me up with who I call Corvette tool, I have yet to let him live that down. After the date I asked him(friend) have I done anything in the time you have known me to indicate I would want to date a superficial tool? He said not really but I was tired of hearing him complain at work that no one would go out with him. Yeah thanks, like I want your problems.
Yeah my friends really don't know how to set me up. One of my friends wanted to set me up with this girl he works with that is extremely attractive, but she is dating someone. And outside of that, I have no idea how her personality or her home life is.

Usually when I get set up, it is not based on what I find attractive or looking for in a woman at all, it's merely he's single, she's single that's it. And then they tell me not to be picky...lol!
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #7  July 2,2010, 6:10am
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greg75 wrote :
Usually when I get set up, it is not based on what I find attractive or looking for in a woman at all, it's merely he's single, she's single that's it. And then they tell me not to be picky...lol!
Yeah, I hear you on that one.

Our secretary at work set me up with one of her best friends. Turned out she looked like Miss Piggy.
 
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lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #8  July 2,2010, 6:12am
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A 'double date' so early might make new girl uncomfortable. Also, if either of the people in that couple are the rude/mocking/inappropriate friends, you're going to be handicapping yourself.

I have loud/inappropriate friends (one announced at full volume that he's a recovering alcoholic at an ice cream stand last night after being told they didn't have a bathroom but the bar nearby allows people to use theirs - he is not an alcoholic. Hilarious to us, confusing/annoying to pretty much everyone else), but they would never sabotage me. I would still wait to introduce someone I'm dating to my friends and give plenty of warning before hand.

I would consider letting your friends know that some behavior (like cutting you down or humiliating you) is absolutely not acceptable, and base introducing them to anyone on their response. They should be able to be respectful of that, esp. if they love you and know your history.
 
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greg75 is offline greg75 Post #9  July 2,2010, 6:21am
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tweet37 wrote :
Yeah, I hear you on that one.

Our secretary at work set me up with one of her best friends. Turned out she looked like Miss Piggy.
LOL!!!
 
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greg75 is offline greg75 Post #10  July 2,2010, 6:26am
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lunabeach wrote :
A 'double date' so early might make new girl uncomfortable. Also, if either of the people in that couple are the rude/mocking/inappropriate friends, you're going to be handicapping yourself.

I have loud/inappropriate friends (one announced at full volume that he's a recovering alcoholic at an ice cream stand last night after being told they didn't have a bathroom but the bar nearby allows people to use theirs - he is not an alcoholic. Hilarious to us, confusing/annoying to pretty much everyone else), but they would never sabotage me. I would still wait to introduce someone I'm dating to my friends and give plenty of warning before hand.

I would consider letting your friends know that some behavior (like cutting you down or humiliating you) is absolutely not acceptable, and base introducing them to anyone on their response. They should be able to be respectful of that, esp. if they love you and know your history.
Your friends sound hilarious! I think it's best for me to just wait on introducing her to any of my friends unless I feel the situation is right, or is on "her turf". I have warned her about a few of my friends, so she'd know what to expect out of some of them. But, some of my other friends might be very detrimental to my chances with her without them even know what they are doing. And anyway, we are just going out on our second date tomorrow, so I believe we have a long ways to go before I'll even introduce her to some of my friends.
 
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