najo86 is offline najo86 Post #1  June 29,2010, 11:04pm
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Hi, I have a little problem that I wanted some help with if possible Please.

I asked a girl who I havent know very long out to dinner and she said " yes, but Im not really looking for a relationship at the moment"

And I said " thats okay, im not really looking either, but wanted to get to know you better"

Truth is that I think I do like her. I havent been able to stop thinking about her. Anyway we were talking earlier today online, and she thought I was with another girl from our work, and said she thought me and this other girl would have made a cute couple, ( this other girl is in a long term reationship and I dont have any feelings for her at all)

Anyway, she told me I should invite this other girl and maybe some others from who she doesnt know, so she can get to know them.

She also told me she didnt wanna give me any false impressions, and she thinks someother guy we both know from work is cute.

So im still going out with her on Friday night, But im like how do I treat it now? So Im probably not meant to treat it as a date, But how does that stand on paying for dinner and everything.

Also if all was going well I was planning on telling her that I think she is great, and I like her. but now Im like what do I do?

Please help?

Any advice would be so great.

Thanks
 
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Lindac7 is offline Lindac7 Post #2  June 30,2010, 3:46am
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As a female, I'd say she's gone out of her way to make it crystal clear to you that she's not interested in you 'in that way'. She's even offering up other women to you as a better choice.

Why do you still want to go out on this 'date'? Do you really think you can change her mind over dinner? Are you honestly prepared for all the hurdles you'll have to overcome in order to achieve that?

I would recommend telling her that after thinking it over, it doesn't seem like a good idea after all to go out to dinner, since she's clearly not interested in you. Just cleanly back out of the date. She should have had the decency and integrity to tell you she couldn't go through with using you in that way, but since she hasn't, you have to now be the bigger person and cancel it.

Believe it or not, she'll actually have an increase in respect for you if you cancel the date, because you're showing backbone and self-respect by not allowing yourself to be used by her.

If you really like her that much, continue hanging out as a friend in case she changes her mind some time down the road, but don't put all your eggs in one basket. Date other women in the meantime.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  June 30,2010, 4:39am
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Yup, she's really bent over backwards to make it clear to you that she is absolutely not interested in you romantically. So, you can go out as friends and split bills the way friends normally would or you can cancel your "non-date date". Whatever you think will be more comfortable for both of you in the end.

Either way, do not hang about her hoping she'll change her mind because you are wasting your time. If you are fine with just being platonic pals, then it's cool, just understand that there won't be more with her.
 
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jayhawkgirl is offline jayhawkgirl Post #4  June 30,2010, 5:24am
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I agree completely with both linda and DF: she is not interested in you romantically at all and there is virtually nothing you can do to change that. I would also cancel the date if I were you. Sorry!
 
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greg75 is offline greg75 Post #5  June 30,2010, 5:59am
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Yeah, she's completely not interested in you at all.
 
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ThePriestess is offline ThePriestess Post #6  June 30,2010, 6:16am
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najo86 wrote :
And I said " thats okay, im not really looking either, but wanted to get to know you better"

Truth is that I think I do like her. I havent been able to stop thinking about her.
Well, to start with ... stop lying (to her and yourself) ...
 
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insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #7  June 30,2010, 6:51am
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Cancel your friend-zone date and go hit up a cougar bar.

Just kidding.

Najo, this woman has done you a huge favour and put up a great flashing neon billboard that says "I don't want to date you romantically!" She's been completely honest with you, dude.

Ignore at your own peril.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  June 30,2010, 7:37am
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Personally by this time I would have told her I was not interested in going out with her and canceled my invitation and wished her well. But that is just me.
 
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margaret18 is offline margaret18 Post #9  June 30,2010, 8:21am
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"I havent been able to stop thinking about her"....

if that is the case, you won't be able to handle being just a friend.

Gotta cancel dinner. No use beating your head against a wall.

turn on the logic. no use pursuing people who are not interested or ambivalent. other fish in the sea, etc.
 
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howardtheduck is offline howardtheduck Post #10  June 30,2010, 8:42am
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Give it up dude. It's over before it started. Call in with a cold, if the truth is hard for you to spit out. She made it clear and is inviting buffers to your advances. Who knows maybe one of her available her friends are AWESOME.
 
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