javajunkie is offline javajunkie Post #1  June 29,2010, 11:36am
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Alright, so here it is. I have gone out with this guy two times in the four months I've been talking to him, but we talk pretty much every day. So, the last date we went on....almost two months ago....he asked where he stood. That caught me completely off-guard. Then when we got to my house he started making me feel bad because I didn't want to kiss him. I told him I was just gonna chill out for a while and not "go there" because I had just gotten into this enormous...I don't even know what to call it.."situation" I guess with a guy that freaked out on me for not wanting to be his girlfriend. I never even kissed that guy and only went on two dates with him. He turned out to be a complete psycho...had me locking myself in my bedroom and what not, and this "where do I stand" guy knew all of this had gone down. Of course I'm not going to want to get involved after something like that!!
Soooooooooo.....we are going out again tonight (3rd date), and I still REALLY don't want to kiss him for fear that he will think that he now "stands" as my boyfriend. What do I do??? HELP!!!!
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  June 29,2010, 11:40am
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You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.

Give yourself some time to get over the bad psycho experience. Don't let it spill onto new men ... most of them are not psycho and won't act like that. Maybe not date, while you actively work on getting over the psycho thing?

Did you tell the new guy about psycho?

When you say "he started making me feel bad because I didn't want to kiss him" do you mean he actually was saying or doing coercive things, or was being nasty? or do you just mean you started feeling bad?
 
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Cape_Codder is offline Cape_Codder Post #3  June 29,2010, 11:43am

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You talk every day on the phone for four months but have only gone out twice?

Your right, something is wrong.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  June 29,2010, 11:51am
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It seems that you are just not meeting decent guys. If you don't think there is some potential with this guy it would seem that the best thing would be to tell him that you are not feeling any "chemistry" and end it. Otherwise you are just stringing him along.

I am a wee bit baffled as to why you have only had two dates in four months. That is way too long for me to wait between dates if I am interested in someone.
 
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insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #5  June 29,2010, 11:51am
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Cape_Codder wrote :
You talk every day on the phone for four months but have only gone out twice?

Your right, something is wrong.
Yep. The red alert klaxons are thunderously loud.
 
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javajunkie is offline javajunkie Post #6  June 29,2010, 11:55am
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Sassafras54 wrote :
You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.

Give yourself some time to get over the bad psycho experience. Don't let it spill onto new men ... most of them are not psycho and won't act like that. Maybe not date, while you actively work on getting over the psycho thing?

Did you tell the new guy about psycho?

When you say "he started making me feel bad because I didn't want to kiss him" do you mean he actually was saying or doing coercive things, or was being nasty? or do you just mean you started feeling bad?
Sass...I have been seriously chilling out. I don't want to deal with that again.
The new guy does know about the psycho. He was talking to me when it all went down.
And, yes he was saying "I can't believe I can't have a kiss" and "I'm a Cancer (sign) and we don't deal well with rejection". Made me feel bad, but I stuck to my guns! Now I'm wondering how tonight will end.
 
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javajunkie is offline javajunkie Post #7  June 29,2010, 11:57am
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Insert....what are those??
Gr8....I think he wasn't asking me out because I told him I was gonna chill out...I guess he's thinking maybe it's "safe" now???
 
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hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #8  June 29,2010, 12:03pm

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Cape_Codder wrote :
You talk every day on the phone for four months but have only gone out twice?

Your right, something is wrong.
Her left is wrong, too, I'm pretty sure. Four months and two dates? I doubt all the problems are on the guy, Javajunkie here seems to have some kind of cognitive dissonance going on, too.
 
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Breezy1 is offline Breezy1 Post #9  June 29,2010, 12:05pm
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You are under no obligation to kiss him, or anything else, you don't want to. If he insists, explain how you feel, and if he still doesn't get it, don't see him again.
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #10  June 29,2010, 12:05pm
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javajunkie wrote :
Alright, so here it is. I have gone out with this guy two times in the four months I've been talking to him, but we talk pretty much every day. So, the last date we went on....almost two months ago....he asked where he stood. That caught me completely off-guard. Then when we got to my house he started making me feel bad because I didn't want to kiss him. I told him I was just gonna chill out for a while and not "go there" because I had just gotten into this enormous...I don't even know what to call it.."situation" I guess with a guy that freaked out on me for not wanting to be his girlfriend. I never even kissed that guy and only went on two dates with him. He turned out to be a complete psycho...had me locking myself in my bedroom and what not, and this "where do I stand" guy knew all of this had gone down. Of course I'm not going to want to get involved after something like that!!
Soooooooooo.....we are going out again tonight (3rd date), and I still REALLY don't want to kiss him for fear that he will think that he now "stands" as my boyfriend. What do I do??? HELP!!!!

This is a little confusing to follow.

If I am understanding you this "where do we stand" guy was asking you how you felt because he likely couldnt read anything from you as if you were interested in him because you werent showing signs so he came out to ask you. This still hasnt changed with him he will want to know if you are interested in him. Agreeing to go out with him isnt enough...women use men to get free meals all the time.
 
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