This Man is Such a Charmer !


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SpecialGirl is offline SpecialGirl Post #1  June 28,2010, 8:52pm
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thrashed the tennis competition today no end

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Hi all,

This is my first time posting here. I have read the post entitled " Insisting on Dinner! Are you kidding?" and its really made me re evaluate my whole thinking on dating.

I was raised with the notion (romantic as it is) that a man should woo and court a woman, if he is really interested in her. Yes, that would include paying for dinner or a meal (now that I really think about it, i can see how unfair this is on the man!)

So i have met a man (in real life, not thru the net) We have gone out now, about 4 times, and he has paid for me every single time, even though i have offered to pay for myself every time.

On sunday, we went out again. Movie and dinner. At the end of the night (and after paying for me) he said to me after stealing a kiss, "I will pay for you every time we go out, I know u r a single mom, and I make "ridiculous money"".

I told him he didn't have to do that (but inside, i felt really happy at his thoughtfulness and being so romantic)

Here's the deal now. Tonight we r going out for dinner. I am goign to pay for him and for myself (he doesnt know this yet)

A friend of mine thinks i shouldn't. she says if I do it once, he will expect it all the time. I don't think so! he seems like a great, caring, man.

I plan to have him over for a cooked meal at my place, and try and do nice things for him as well. It can't be just a one way street!

But being raised with that (foolish?) notion of a man courting and wooing a woman, do u guys really think it is a silly way of approaching dating? I do love chivalry and wonder is this dead? I personally love romance more than anything, and thought this was part of it, if u r seriously interested in a potential partner???

It is difficult when u have been raised with this belief that a man should woo a woman, but definitely, after readint that LONG post on "insisting on dinner? r u kidding!" its definitely changed my mind!!
But where does romance come into dating anymore?
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #2  June 28,2010, 9:05pm

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oh boy...
Last edited by PY_2; June 28,2010 at 9:06pm. Reason: i'm eatin coco puff and soy milk for dessert now.....
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #3  June 28,2010, 9:07pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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If you both enjoy it and it's what you both want then go ahead.
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #4  June 28,2010, 9:07pm
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Plenty of people don't think twice about the money aspect of going out on the town.

Most people that I come into contact with WANT to buy the round or the dinner. Not just in the dating scenario but all around. Men & women.

It is usually more of a fight for who pays as opposed to who doesn't pay.

Really... this isn't that much of an issue in real life.
 
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ThePriestess is offline ThePriestess Post #5  June 28,2010, 9:12pm
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bigfincat wrote :
Really... this isn't that much of an issue in real life.
Are you suggesting eHA isn't indicative of real life?!?
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #6  June 28,2010, 9:13pm
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Toodles, sayonara, and happy trails! Wishing everyone luck and love...

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It sounds like your friend has similar views as your own and that he is enjoying taking you out. He is respectful of your circumstances and covering costs apparently presents no financial burden to him. My guess is that he would find many of the comments on the other thread to be offensive and not at all representative of his way of thinking.

Do not insist on paying for him on a date on which he has invited you. Not because he will then expect it all the time, but because you've already agreed to accept his hospitality. Instead, take the lead on inviting him on the next date, whether that is a meal that you prepare in your home or taking him out somewhere else.

You clearly have an attitude of reciprocity that he likely appreciates; don't be confused by some of the posts on these boards into thinking that level of contributing to dating someone can only be tallied in pennies on a ledger. Or that all men are only focused on how much of the bill their dating partners cover. ;-)
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #7  June 28,2010, 9:14pm
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L'Chayim!

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Don't base what you do on the jabbering of people on here in that regard (especially that thread!). Base it on the real life situation with your guy. He has already told you flat out he wants to pay for your evenings out and does not want you to pay. Doing this for you makes him happy. So let him!

Concentrate on doing other thoughtful, non-monetary things for him. Making him dinner at your place is an excellent idea. Keep an eye out for little kindnesses you can do for him (dropping off his drycleaning for him when he's rushed for time, perhaps?)

The "two way street" is not about keeping tabs on who spent how much.
 
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TheProdigy is offline TheProdigy Post #8  June 28,2010, 9:17pm

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SpecialGirl wrote :
Hi all,

This is my first time posting here. I have read the post entitled " Insisting on Dinner! Are you kidding?" and its really made me re evaluate my whole thinking on dating.

I was raised with the notion (romantic as it is) that a man should woo and court a woman, if he is really interested in her. Yes, that would include paying for dinner or a meal (now that I really think about it, i can see how unfair this is on the man!)

So i have met a man (in real life, not thru the net) We have gone out now, about 4 times, and he has paid for me every single time, even though i have offered to pay for myself every time.

On sunday, we went out again. Movie and dinner. At the end of the night (and after paying for me) he said to me after stealing a kiss, "I will pay for you every time we go out, I know u r a single mom, and I make "ridiculous money"".

I told him he didn't have to do that (but inside, i felt really happy at his thoughtfulness and being so romantic)

Here's the deal now. Tonight we r going out for dinner. I am goign to pay for him and for myself (he doesnt know this yet)

A friend of mine thinks i shouldn't. she says if I do it once, he will expect it all the time. I don't think so! he seems like a great, caring, man.

I plan to have him over for a cooked meal at my place, and try and do nice things for him as well. It can't be just a one way street!

But being raised with that (foolish?) notion of a man courting and wooing a woman, do u guys really think it is a silly way of approaching dating? I do love chivalry and wonder is this dead? I personally love romance more than anything, and thought this was part of it, if u r seriously interested in a potential partner???

It is difficult when u have been raised with this belief that a man should woo a woman, but definitely, after readint that LONG post on "insisting on dinner? r u kidding!" its definitely changed my mind!!
But where does romance come into dating anymore?
Hold on just a second. Don't twist my words. You may have believed that, but you didn't insist on it. It sounds like you two are interested in pursuing a legitimate relationship with each other, and when that's the case, it's time to impress.

When I'm seriously interested in someone, and it's not a one way street, all the stops get pulled out.

Either that, or you're dealing with a "nice guy" (sounds doubtful). Don't let our spat jade you or ruin dating for you. Like attracts like, so if you're consistently genuine and you always put out good vibes, that's what you'll attract.
 
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SpecialGirl is offline SpecialGirl Post #9  June 28,2010, 9:21pm
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thrashed the tennis competition today no end

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Thanks all.

The problem is that his last relatlionship (when he almost went bankrupt) his g/f of 4 yrs dumped him bcoz of it.

So I dont want him to think that I am with him bcoz of his money. I dont' want him to feel used or abused like he was before, so I am a bit conscious of this aspect of our relationship.

Its so difficult when one has bneen out of the dating game for as long as I have. This is all such new territory for me. I hear people say, u have to get with the times, and be 'modern'.

Does romance still exist in the dating world? Is it still important to men and women? I haven't done this in over 20 yrs.
 
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SpecialGirl is offline SpecialGirl Post #10  June 28,2010, 9:28pm
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thrashed the tennis competition today no end

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Oops! sorry prodigy. Didn't mean to twist any words.
 
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