Lynn12345 is offline Lynn12345 Post #1  June 26,2010, 4:55pm
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So I had a first date with a super nice guy I was matched with. He's really nice and we had great conversation. The problem is I didn't feel any chemistry with him. He wants to go a movie next time, probably next weekend, but I don't know if I should go and see if the chemistry comes later, or if I should just tell him I didn't feel any chemistry and let him decide if he wants to see me again. He also may never call me so I might be worrying about my response for nothing, I just want to work out in my head what to say if he does call.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #2  June 26,2010, 4:59pm
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My rule about first dates is that as long as everything was as stated... and the guy seems like a decent guy, someone whom I could want to get to know... I always go on a second date if asked (if no deal breakers appeared present)...

Chemistry (for me) doesn't always happen on the first date. Sometimes, people are so nervous, other factors play a part... you can really start relaxing after the second date and see if there is a possibility for chemistry to develop. Again, some believe chemistry is instant... I believe it is something that you can discover. You may also discover that it is not there with this guy, but I think it might take more than one date to figure that out.
 
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TalkingTina is offline TalkingTina Post #3  June 26,2010, 5:00pm
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Lynn12345 wrote :
So I had a first date with a super nice guy I was matched with. He's really nice and we had great conversation. The problem is I didn't feel any chemistry with him. He wants to go a movie next time, probably next weekend, but I don't know if I should go and see if the chemistry comes later, or if I should just tell him I didn't feel any chemistry and let him decide if he wants to see me again. He also may never call me so I might be worrying about my response for nothing, I just want to work out in my head what to say if he does call.

I see no harm in a second date if you liked him and had a good time. Lots of emotions, worry and stress sometimes surround the first date that might cloud the chemistry. I'm not sure of your definition of chemistry. Give it more time if you really enjoyed your time with him.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #4  June 26,2010, 5:58pm
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I tend to agree with the above.

In my case, if "chemistry" means lack of attraction, I have found that it does not come in time, and more meetings are just wasted money. Other people have reported growing attracted over time, however.

If it is more a matter of awkward conversation, not due to ignorance, then it might be worth another meeting.
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #5  June 26,2010, 11:35pm
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You had good conversation with a nice guy. If he didnt do anything wrong you should go on date #2 and see how it goes.

You sound like you are looking for love at first sight or have overly high expectations that does not exist in reality.

Did you see pics of him before you met and were tey accurate?
 
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Emme0264 is offline Emme0264 Post #6  June 27,2010, 7:28am
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Instant chemistry is a lovely thing but I haven't found it to be much of a predictor of relationship success. I seem to do better when I don't have such instant lust and instead can relax and get to know the guy. I like to build that "friendship" thing that is always the topic of such debate on these boards. If I can relax and get to know the guy and laugh and just enjoy myself without a lot of pressure (and I think instant chemistry dates have some pressure as I don't want to say anything to blow it) then it's worth a second and maybe a third date. I wouldn't continue dating if I was totally turned off by the guy, but if he's nice and I liked him as a person, I'd definitely go for a second and/or third date. I'm one of these who always says I need to feel a certain chemistry after the first few dates.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #7  June 29,2010, 9:26pm
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I agree with Emme. My experience and observation is that "instant chemistry" and fireworks and butterflies etc... is a very INCONSISTENT and unreliable predictor of compatibility and whether a good relationsihp is there.

In fact I will tell you that the best relatoinships I have ever had, where there ended up being the MOST and strongest chemistry and attraction..... developed over TIME. yes, we could tell there was an underlying attraction there, but the fireworks took a little time to develop (but man.. when they did... WOW!)

All the relationships in which it seemed there was an instant electricity there ~ have all failed VERY MISERABLY and the peopel turned out to be very bad people to be with.

So..... as exciting and "movie-like' and "storybook" all that immediate chemistry seems to be like, beware of its trap.

Since you said you had a good time, that he was a quality guy ~ I'd give it more chances and more time to develop. After all, in the end, isn't that what we're all looking for? To be with a great/quality person? (Rather than a person who can create fireworks in 1 date?)

Good luck.
Richey
 
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richey is offline richey Post #8  June 29,2010, 9:26pm
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oi this is getting old lol
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #9  June 30,2010, 7:48am
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I say go ahead and go on the second date if you liked him as a person and enjoyed your time together. Chemistry can definitely take time to appear.

When I was 18 years old, I met the man who would eventually become my first husband. We worked together at UPS. He was 10 years older than me, balding, and looked like he was 35 instead of his real age of 28. I didn't feel an attraction toward him, but did think he was funny and nice. A co-worker, age 19, started dating him and I even thought, "how can she go out with him? Isn't she embarrassed to be seen with someone who is bald and who looks so old?" (Again, I was 18 - age is relative!)

Fast forward to a few months later. I got to know him much better and suddenly found myself flirting with him and found him to be the most handsome, sexy man on the planet. We married when I was 20 years old.

I think back to that original meeting, and if he'd been a date, and what my reaction would have been to him. I would have never gotten to know such an incredible guy.

And in retrospect, he was totally sexy from the get go. Many other women saw it, but I was, for whatever reason, blind to it at the time. After I divorced him, he had women lining up to go out with him and he luckily found an incredible woman who was much more mature and better for him than I was at the time.
 
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howardtheduck is offline howardtheduck Post #10  June 30,2010, 8:46am
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Want chemistry? Go to a lab. How many people say they had chemistry on a first date. A kiss, great conversation flirting, then the poof! Then the W*F. What most people find out is that chemistry is elusive and you have work around your expectations.
 
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