Is this real or just a fantasy?


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TheRealMe is offline TheRealMe Post #1  June 26,2010, 7:16am
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As they say, where does one draw the line between over-infatuation that you are the perfect one, they are overly adoring, just like you stepped into a hot romance novel and still have not spoken one word to this admirer, never mind even meeting them in person! This is the progression of fantasy I've been experiencing with a man, chatting online, that continuously says he cannot wait to meet me, hold me, on and on. Funny, he can call me on his phone & when I say 'hello' there is no one on the other end. His response when I write back? Phone fell in the pool & doesn't work. I am very skeptical of this behaviour which I find quite disconcerting and borderline creepy. He's already asking his son to be his best man! I need advice for this, and if anyone has experience in this situation, please share your thoughts. It is flattering to be put on a pedestal, but am feeling a bit scared, since whatever question I broach to start a conversation, it reverts right back to 'do you miss me?' or 'you don't know what I'd give to talk to you', and 'I love U', etc. Sounds like he wants to get close, but we haven't even met. I ask when we will meet, but he's evasive & right now not sure if I even want to meet him. Suggestions?
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  June 26,2010, 7:28am
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"It is flattering to be put on a pedestal."

It is also a bad idea to value this, which I keep trying to explain.

This excessive, uncalled for, efforts are likely come rapidly on the shoals of reality once you meet.

Personally, I would give up on this person, due to the communication style.

(I probably would believe the problem with his phone, since I tend to keep my phones a long time, and they do often have a lot of dropped calls as they got old.)
 
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hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #3  June 26,2010, 7:29am

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TheRealMe wrote :
As they say, where does one draw the line between over-infatuation that you are the perfect one, they are overly adoring, just like you stepped into a hot romance novel and still have not spoken one word to this admirer, never mind even meeting them in person! This is the progression of fantasy I've been experiencing with a man, chatting online, that continuously says he cannot wait to meet me, hold me, on and on. Funny, he can call me on his phone & when I say 'hello' there is no one on the other end. His response when I write back? Phone fell in the pool & doesn't work. I am very skeptical of this behaviour which I find quite disconcerting and borderline creepy. He's already asking his son to be his best man! I need advice for this, and if anyone has experience in this situation, please share your thoughts. It is flattering to be put on a pedestal, but am feeling a bit scared, since whatever question I broach to start a conversation, it reverts right back to 'do you miss me?' or 'you don't know what I'd give to talk to you', and 'I love U', etc. Sounds like he wants to get close, but we haven't even met. I ask when we will meet, but he's evasive & right now not sure if I even want to meet him. Suggestions?
You'll understand when he tells you he just lost his job and can't make his house payment and needs you to help him out.
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #4  June 26,2010, 7:35am
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After over a year of reading this kind of thing here, you are right to be skeptical. You should also be suspicious of anyone who is verbalizing so many wonderful feelings about you, yet avoids meeting in person. He could be in a fantasy land..... or married. Perhaps the rush of this virtual romance is all that he is looking for because he isn't planning on following through because he already has a wife he isn't planning on leaving.

I think declarations of love before meeting someone is a bit creepy -- it is infatuation with a fantasy person. Another one of my observations from here is if you see creepy behavior at the start, it doesn't get any better. Those red flags are a sign of more to come.
Last edited by MelinCali; June 26,2010 at 7:37am. Reason: Realization that they have never actually spoken on the phone either! Yikes!
 
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Rainfallgirl is offline Rainfallgirl Post #5  June 26,2010, 7:43am
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A man cannot fall in love with someone he has never laid eyes on and has never met. This man is lying to you when he says he loves you.

What is the value to you of continuing communication with a liar?

Most likely you would prefer to expend your energy communicating with honest men who you could actually speak to and meet... maybe then both of you would fall in love with a real flesh and blood person and you will attain what you are seeking.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #6  June 26,2010, 7:44am
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Also a possibility he is married or otherwise involved, sadly. He may be using his attraction for you to fulfill something he is missing at home.
 
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Cape_Codder is offline Cape_Codder Post #7  June 26,2010, 7:51am

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TheRealMe wrote :
As they say, where does one draw the line between over-infatuation that you are the perfect one, they are overly adoring, just like you stepped into a hot romance novel and still have not spoken one word to this admirer, never mind even meeting them in person! This is the progression of fantasy I've been experiencing with a man, chatting online, that continuously says he cannot wait to meet me, hold me, on and on. Funny, he can call me on his phone & when I say 'hello' there is no one on the other end. His response when I write back? Phone fell in the pool & doesn't work. I am very skeptical of this behaviour which I find quite disconcerting and borderline creepy. He's already asking his son to be his best man! I need advice for this, and if anyone has experience in this situation, please share your thoughts. It is flattering to be put on a pedestal, but am feeling a bit scared, since whatever question I broach to start a conversation, it reverts right back to 'do you miss me?' or 'you don't know what I'd give to talk to you', and 'I love U', etc. Sounds like he wants to get close, but we haven't even met. I ask when we will meet, but he's evasive & right now not sure if I even want to meet him. Suggestions?
Lets apply some basic logic here. A person that you have never met, who's only form of communication with you is email, wants to marry you.

If this does not scare you enough to run, stick around awhile and I'm certain that what he has in store for the two of you will eventually scare you into reality.

Let's just say your not dealing with someone very rationale or stable.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #8  June 26,2010, 8:16am
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Rainfallgirl wrote :
A man cannot fall in love with someone he has never laid eyes on and has never met. This man is lying to you when he says he loves you.

On the contrary; it happens every day. "Falling for" online persons (or personas) is fairly common.

I think it's a mistake, but it is by no means the only mistake - or the worst mistake - that people make.

Men are especially vulnerable, since they can go months or more with no contact from an opposite sex partner candidate (no incoming e-mails, no answered e-mails, no in-person approaches.) In general, normal women have a steady stream of opportunity.

Lack of social engagement and relationship opportunity encourages these mental fabrications of what a person will be like.
 
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Johnnyguitarman is offline Johnnyguitarman Post #9  June 26,2010, 8:20am
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TheRealMe wrote :
As they say, where does one draw the line between over-infatuation that you are the perfect one, they are overly adoring, just like you stepped into a hot romance novel and still have not spoken one word to this admirer, never mind even meeting them in person! This is the progression of fantasy I've been experiencing with a man, chatting online, that continuously says he cannot wait to meet me, hold me, on and on. Funny, he can call me on his phone & when I say 'hello' there is no one on the other end. His response when I write back? Phone fell in the pool & doesn't work. I am very skeptical of this behaviour which I find quite disconcerting and borderline creepy. He's already asking his son to be his best man! I need advice for this, and if anyone has experience in this situation, please share your thoughts. It is flattering to be put on a pedestal, but am feeling a bit scared, since whatever question I broach to start a conversation, it reverts right back to 'do you miss me?' or 'you don't know what I'd give to talk to you', and 'I love U', etc. Sounds like he wants to get close, but we haven't even met. I ask when we will meet, but he's evasive & right now not sure if I even want to meet him. Suggestions?
Married, attached, creepy, needy and dishonest. Sounds like a classic cross between a "NICE GUY" and a married man.

AVOID! close all communication.
 
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TheRealMe is offline TheRealMe Post #10  June 26,2010, 8:36am
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Thanks to all of you for your advice. To further paint the picture of this guy and see what planet he's on, here's a recent email he sent:

Hey, Honey. I'm missing you so much that you've been on my mind all day and night. I awoke hurriedly this morning when the alarm went off, rolled over quickly to hold you back, and you weren't there - oh! My heart fell to pieces here! Another day, only to anticipate your next visit (I mean the night in my dreams). It seems it's what I live for today, yesterday and tomorrow....smile
Hey, Honey,what have you done to me? Not a night has passed that I don't have you in my dreams. And not a moment has passed that you are not in my thoughts. What magic you've done, Darling, but I guess my feelings have made their way to you in the form of dreams. Darling, you are my happiness, Dear, and my adorable darling.
I look forward to chatting with you tonight.
Love always,
WD

Any comments on this more than welcome!!!

Thanks
 
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