Insisting on Dinner - Are you kidding me??


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
TheProdigy is offline TheProdigy Post #1  June 25,2010, 2:31pm

Unregistered

Joined: Nov 2009

Posts: 362

See profile

I have to say, I think chick flicks, Disney movies, or just bad advice from mothers has given women the wrong impression on how the dating game works these days. Went through the guided communication , exchanged numbers, texted a little bit, then chatted on the phone. We were setting up an first date, and all of my ideas were rejected. Want to do lunch? "No." How about coffee? "No." Do you want to get a drink? "No." Alright, help me out here, thought you wanted to meet up, whats your deal? "I want to be treated like a lady, and I deserve to me courted". I had to put down the phone to vomit.

Anyhow, I told her I was about as open to taking her to dinner on a first meeting as she would be coming to my house to watch a movie at 11pm. After we hung up, I deleted her number but must admit I was disappointed by her primitive thinking. Aside from that, I really liked that one. Surprisingly, a week later, I got a text asking if I'd be ok meeting up for drinks, which I agreed to. I suggested happy hour, and we had a few drinks, and things started off rough. She kept going on about how she dreamt of being taken out, shown a good time, and taken camping and on trips. Once she mentioned camping and traveling, we really hit it off. Turns out we went to the same college, and we both loved to travel. I invited her over to see pictures and videos from my travels, and she agreed. We had a great time, and unbelievable physical chemistry. At the end of the night, as I'm walking her to the door, we both agreed we had a good time and should see each other again. Walking out of the door, she said "Great, I cant wait to see you, you can pick where we're having dinner".

I've ignored all texts and phone calls. She accuses me of being a jerk, and using her for a one night stand. In actuality, I really liked her, but that insistence on "lets go to dinner" and child-like fascination with a "sleepless in seattle" romantic ending just turned me off. She killed any chances just by being too pushy.

Feel like she was looking for a free meal ticket, and that I just am not ok with. Is anyone else encountering these idealistic daters??
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #2  June 25,2010, 2:42pm
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile

She accused you of using her for a one night stand? Did you have sex that night she came over?

It sounds a bit to me like this is the prototypical woman described by the pick up artist types. She tried to push you around by demanding such-and-such. The prediction is that if you had given in to her she'd have had no respect for you and would have used you for the free meal(s) and then dumped you. However, as you turned her down this made her actually want you.
 
  Reply With Quote
amused_n_confused is offline amused_n_confused Post #3  June 25,2010, 2:46pm
amused_n_conf…'s Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Jun 2010

California

Posts: 80

See profile

Wow.. just wow.

Although I say wow, I am also not surprised, I guess. That's a lot of pressure to put on the first couple of dates. I know many women like that, unfortunately. Most of my friends expect to be wined and dined. What bugs me about that is that when they do take advantages of guys like that, they always seem to be surprised when the guy starts expecting certain things back early on.

It's a strange strange way of thinking and I personally don't get it. For the first few dates, I always keep it casual and make sure we are on equal footing when it comes for paying for things, so if it didn't work out, I don't feel like I owe the guy anything. It just makes things so much more simple...
 
  Reply With Quote
TheProdigy is offline TheProdigy Post #4  June 25,2010, 2:53pm

Unregistered

Joined: Nov 2009

Posts: 362

See profile

JayJay, I dont know if the whole turning her down thing made her want me more. We really did hit it off on the phone; and she sounded like someone I really was interested in knowing more about.

We did sleep together the first night, but that wouldn't have bothered me, because we had such good chemistry. If she had been ok with taking things slow, I think we could really have hit things off. But the whole "when are we going to dinner" over and over again just killed all interest in her and respect for her. I wanted to send her an email telling her why, but I figured nothing I could say would make her think differently.

But where I stand now is, we aren't going to dinner until I'm sure I could one day see you being my girlfriend. After getting out of a 6 year relationship, I've gotta say, I hate the dating game. Women used to be just content with your time and sincere interest.
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #5  June 25,2010, 3:13pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,677

See profile

Yep. This is most of them - mistake men for the welfare office. At least you didn't give in.

Why on earth did you even meet?

Note, that there's nothing wrong with wanting to have some say in the meeting - providing she's contributing, and isn't just abusing you for your money.
 
  Reply With Quote
AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #6  June 25,2010, 3:38pm
AndieIsMe's Avatar

A letter in the mail is more precious than a 1000 IMs

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: Nov 2009

Emerald Triangle

Posts: 8,148

See profile

My personal opinion on the OP is that you both seemed to have expectations that the other didn't. You both appear stubborn and wanted to get something out of the dating process the other one wasn't willing to give, kinda. It's sounds like you were both in "what's in this for me" mode and not actually looking to have fun and enjoy the dating process.

ETA: After rereading it does sound like you used her for a one night stand. And maybe she was trying to get a free meal, but I have a feeling she was just trying to express (though poorly) her wishes to be wined and dined.
Last edited by AndieIsMe; June 25,2010 at 3:43pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #7  June 25,2010, 3:40pm
ami1uwant's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Feb 2008

Seattle, WA

Posts: 4,639

See profile

TheProdigy wrote :
I have to say, I think chick flicks, Disney movies, or just bad advice from mothers has given women the wrong impression on how the dating game works these days. Went through the guided communication , exchanged numbers, texted a little bit, then chatted on the phone. We were setting up an first date, and all of my ideas were rejected. Want to do lunch? "No." How about coffee? "No." Do you want to get a drink? "No." Alright, help me out here, thought you wanted to meet up, whats your deal? "I want to be treated like a lady, and I deserve to me courted". I had to put down the phone to vomit.
For a first meeting, I have no problem with dinner. That is pretty basic.

I agree with you on one point. I would refuse if I felt she wanted to use me to go to some fancy restaurant that I would never got to. I reserve those places for someone that is actually an exclusive girlfriend.

I also agree with your observations that many women are looking for that fantasy romance as written in the movies that is not based on reality. As she described to you in essence about being swept off of her feet.

For a first meet...absolutly not. You havent met face to face and that is the big thing with meeting people online. You never know until you meet. I wouldnt have a problem doing something like that for a first date if we knew each other prior like we met through some social gathering, through friends, or through work where we met face to face before (no blind setups).



TheProdigy wrote :

"Great, I cant wait to see you, you can pick where we're having dinner".
Based on what you said I dont think it was an agenda on her part. Kind of seemed it was a little bit of a joke since your reason for turning her away was you looked at some dinner date as the equivalent of her coming to your house which is what she did.....now you dont stand by your word?





TheProdigy wrote :

I've ignored all texts and phone calls. She accuses me of being a jerk, and using her for a one night stand. In actuality, I really liked her, but that insistence on "lets go to dinner" and child-like fascination with a "sleepless in seattle" romantic ending just turned me off. She killed any chances just by being too pushy.

Feel like she was looking for a free meal ticket, and that I just am not ok with. Is anyone else encountering these idealistic daters??
Did I miss something...was this a one night stand? If so then you are a jerk in your actions.

I understand your concern of looking for a free meal ticket. I do the same.....but....

I expect to pay for the initial few dates...provided they are reasonable and I dont feel like I am mortgaging my home to go out. After a few dates there does come a pont where the costs are split. Sure one night of you taking her out to dinner is the equivalent of she inviting you to her house and she makes dinner there.

I know she may be a hopeless romantic...sure she has some faults but YOU ARE BLOWING A GOOD OPPORTUNITY HERE. You owe her an apology for being a jerk which means you have to do an even nicer dinner to make it up.
 
  Reply With Quote
tjlpd is offline tjlpd Post #8  June 25,2010, 3:41pm
tjlpd's Avatar

loves a flirt

Veteran

Joined: Jun 2009

Posts: 1,151

See profile

TheProdigy wrote :
JayJay, I dont know if the whole turning her down thing made her want me more. We really did hit it off on the phone; and she sounded like someone I really was interested in knowing more about.

We did sleep together the first night, but that wouldn't have bothered me, because we had such good chemistry. If she had been ok with taking things slow, I think we could really have hit things off. But the whole "when are we going to dinner" over and over again just killed all interest in her and respect for her. I wanted to send her an email telling her why, but I figured nothing I could say would make her think differently.

But where I stand now is, we aren't going to dinner until I'm sure I could one day see you being my girlfriend. After getting out of a 6 year relationship, I've gotta say, I hate the dating game. Women used to be just content with your time and sincere interest.
So you will not take her to dinner unless you can see her as your girlfriend but you will sleep with her. WOW! I have had friends buy me dinner -- (as I have bought them dinner) but I do not sleep with people unless I see potential. I guess you were not a good match.
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #9  June 25,2010, 3:50pm
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile

ami1uwant wrote :
Did I miss something...was this a one night stand? If so then you are a jerk in your actions.
Would you call her a jerk as well for engaging in a 1 night stand? Surely, she was as much responsible for that as he was.

To me a woman wanting dinner for a first meeting isn't a problem in and of itself. What gets me is the description that she seemingly refused everything else he suggested in favor of some idealistic fantasy.
 
  Reply With Quote
nightling is offline nightling Post #10  June 25,2010, 3:54pm
nightling's Avatar

all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark.

Power Poster

Joined: Sep 2009

Misery

Posts: 6,943

See profile

So lemmee see if I got this straight.

You will swap bodily fluids with her in what is probably the most intimate act possible between a man and a woman but a dinner after the fact is "too good" for her because she is not a girlfriend yet.

While I agree it was childish of her and quite princessy and entitled to reject your suggestions of a coffee date for a first meeting, you don't seem to have any real consideration of the feelings of others. It's all about you and how you made sure you didn't get " s c r e w e d" by taking a pretty girl out to an actual sit-down dinner who has already slept with you once and probably would do so willing again.

And wow how awful of her to wish you'd be a little romantic and sweep her off her feet just a little.

Biggest favor you can do the poor girl is not to call her back or talk to her any more. She'll be dodging a bullet.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« First date, finally | Dating | Wierd Dealbreakers »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Dinner with a friend or a date? ohiossteacher Dating 27 December 29,2010 1:06am
First date - Bunch, dinner or drinks? stylebook Dating 23 June 27,2010 1:09pm
Inviting a man to my hope for dinner RoxyRedhead A Man's Point of view 12 February 2,2010 9:27pm
should I pay for dinner? zee89 Dating 196 February 1,2010 9:06am
What's for dinner? Diann1950 A Man's Point of view 5 October 24,2009 8:32pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Sometimes it is better than going on a so-so date just to fill your calendar.” –  sun73

Join the “dreaded free weekend” discussion

“When a man dates women, especially exclusively, who are much more physically attractive, I think he gets exactly what he's asking for and what he deserves - a woman who is not physically attracted to ... ” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “My first "Matchmaker" date” discussion

“Always trust your instincts.” –  sun73

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion

“ I was never into David Cassidy. Now, Shaun Cassidy... loved him! (And he was such a girl, too. So pretty!) I still have his album, too. I think it has my sister's name sticker on it, too. ” –  mitchell175

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion

“I enjoy walking my german shepherd.” –  sun73

Join the “Friday Night Roll Call !!! Sweaty Summer Fun edition!” discussion

“Hmm. I think we are using the term 'preference' differently. Anyway, you can choose 'not important' for everything if you want the widest range of choices possible. If you do that and still don't get ... ” –  mitchell175

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“Seriously? That cloud looks nothing like George Clooney!” –  mitchell175

Join the “Comment to win a FREE month of eHarmony!” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 12:37am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0