exclusivity five weeks in?


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readytodate is offline readytodate Post #1  June 25,2010, 9:22am
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I've been dating a great guy for five weeks. He seems to be totally into me, and vice-versa. However, he says he isn't ready to be exclusive, although he said he's not really interested in dating others right now, and that he'd never have sex with anyone else while he's with me.

So, he's not ready to be exclusive, but I am. Is five weeks too early to expect exclusivity? Should I give him a few more weeks? We have had sex, but he says he doesn't want us to have sex with other people, only each other. But yet he's leaving the window open to the possibility of dating others down the road.

A bit confused...wondering if I should just wait this out since he's such a great guy otherwise.

thanks!
 
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hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #2  June 25,2010, 9:25am

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readytodate wrote :
I've been dating a great guy for five weeks. He seems to be totally into me, and vice-versa. However, he says he isn't ready to be exclusive, although he said he's not really interested in dating others right now, and that he'd never have sex with anyone else while he's with me.

So, he's not ready to be exclusive, but I am. Is five weeks too early to expect exclusivity? Should I give him a few more weeks? We have had sex, but he says he doesn't want us to have sex with other people, only each other. But yet he's leaving the window open to the possibility of dating others down the road.

A bit confused...wondering if I should just wait this out since he's such a great guy otherwise.

thanks!
What's so great about a guy that doesn't even feel the need to state the shallowest of commitments to you?

Sounds like he's treating you like a fallback girl to have sex with while he looks for the woman he's really after.

edit: you sound like you're his (as Justme used to put it, God rest his cybersoul) Baxter.
Last edited by hankscorpio; June 25,2010 at 9:28am.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #3  June 25,2010, 9:25am
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talk to scully... she just went through the exact same thing and it appeared to work out for her...

my advice didn't help her situation, but you should read the thread as her drama unfolded...

I personally think it's a little crazy for a guy to expect to have sex with you in an exclusive situation, and still leave the door open for him to date other people... what are you then? friends with benefits?... obviously something is still missing to make it a relationship.
 
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readytodate is offline readytodate Post #4  June 25,2010, 9:27am
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interesting. maybe this is an epidemic? are all guys doing this these days? a modern twist on dating, perhaps?

guess I'm mostly wondering how long is feasible to wait before expecting exclusivity.
 
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hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #5  June 25,2010, 9:31am

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readytodate wrote :
interesting. maybe this is an epidemic? are all guys doing this these days? a modern twist on dating, perhaps?

guess I'm mostly wondering how long is feasible to wait before expecting exclusivity.
It can't be all guys. Most likely it's just the guys that women want to date.

After all, much the way desirable women treat guys like toilet paper, desirable guys treat women much the same. What reason is there to commit when there's always another one desperate to have sex with you?
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #6  June 25,2010, 9:33am

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I think it comes down to another word that we can attribute multiple meanings to. Like you are looking at it as I don't want to seek out other people to date, which is actually how he sees the relationship, so you are on the same page. He seems to be looking at exclusive as some pre-engagement, like some massive commitment. I would just stop using the word. My experience here is no one wants to accept multiple meanings for the word even faced with comments that others see it differently.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  June 25,2010, 9:37am
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Think you need to talk to him and ask for clarification on this and what he thinks exclusive is exactly.

I mean not sleeping with anyone else is exclusivity. However, he wants to continue to look for someone else and actively date other women? Does not really add up does it?

Instead of asking complete strangers to speculate on this, I'd definitely go straight to the source and find out what exactly he has in mind and what his reasoning is. Don't accuse or demand anything, just ask for clarification. Then you will be able to make a better decision on what's what regarding your relationship.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  June 25,2010, 9:37am
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readytodate wrote :
interesting. maybe this is an epidemic? are all guys doing this these days? a modern twist on dating, perhaps?

guess I'm mostly wondering how long is feasible to wait before expecting exclusivity.
Well as a guy I can say that not all guys have this aversion to exclusivity. However, I can say that it is something that is shared by the women. The only eHarmony match that I have had that I would have considered taking the exclusive step with was not interested in being exclusive with me.
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #9  June 25,2010, 9:41am
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readytodate wrote :
I've been dating a great guy for five weeks. He seems to be totally into me, and vice-versa. However, he says he isn't ready to be exclusive, although he said he's not really interested in dating others right now, and that he'd never have sex with anyone else while he's with me.

So, he's not ready to be exclusive, but I am. Is five weeks too early to expect exclusivity? Should I give him a few more weeks? We have had sex, but he says he doesn't want us to have sex with other people, only each other. But yet he's leaving the window open to the possibility of dating others down the road.

A bit confused...wondering if I should just wait this out since he's such a great guy otherwise.

thanks!

I think he doesnt understand what exclusivity means. He may be confusing it with engagement or you two moving in together.

What he is saying in that you are the only one he will have s*x with tells me he isnt looking but just doesnt get it.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  June 25,2010, 9:42am
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jussmile wrote :
...
I personally think it's a little crazy for a guy to expect to have sex with you in an exclusive situation, and still leave the door open for him to date other people... what are you then? friends with benefits?... obviously something is still missing to make it a relationship.
I have to agree with this.
 
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