short_and_sweet is offline short_and_sweet Post #1  June 24,2010, 8:42pm
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My first date with a recent match (who requested to skip guided communication) went well-- no awkward pauses, plenty of laughs, an overall good time. We spent about an hour and a half together, then set up a date for the following week.

Just 10 minutes after we parted ways, he called me to say that he had a great time, which was fine. Then, he said that I "was everything he's looking for in a woman," and asked to see me again before the date we had just set up. It was kind of sweet, but can you really know that after 1.5 hours?

It was followed by a good morning text the next day, another one a little while later, and 2 phone calls later that afternoon and evening. The next day, I got more texts asking if I felt the same way about him (told him it was too soon for me to tell and that I take things slowly), and minutes later asking me to dinner and his apartment to watch a movie. I said I was uncomfortable being alone in his home, so he asked if we could go to the beach at night instead.

Should I be nervous about this, or just take it as a compliment that he likes me this much?
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #2  June 24,2010, 9:12pm
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Welcome to the boards, short and sweet.

He certainly seems the eager beaver, doesn't he? I would tell him you need to slow down to a pace you are more comfortable with.

I would also be wary of someone that expresses so much interest so soon. Especially when you haven't done the same. The asking to be alone (his home, the beach) are red flags to me. I'd insist on public places to meet until you feel comfortable.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #3  June 24,2010, 9:47pm
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Completely agree with Andie. It seems clear he wants to get you alone, and if you're not ready for that, don't do it.

What's your gut saying? It's probably right.
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #4  June 25,2010, 4:12am
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I'd be wary that he doesn't seem to be listening to what you are saying and is acting as though it's the venue you have a problem with rather than being alone with a complete stranger, so he should just keep proposing different places until he hits paydirt.

Sounds like you might have ongoing problems with personal boundaries being overstepped if you go there.
 
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Lilycat is offline Lilycat Post #5  June 25,2010, 5:21am
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Well, I really can't see how he could like YOU that much, as you certainly cannot possibly know each other yet. I believe that all you could possibly know at this stage is that you would like to see each other again......

As far as the invite, well, if he does not respect your need to go slowly, after being told your preference, maybe you really are not suited.

I have met men that appear to have a schedule regarding dating and the results they should be getting, at which point, who ignore any and everything you say/feel/indicate as they have a carved in stone idea as to how this should proceed. Your preferences play no part here lol......

OTOH there are also some that are overly enthusiastic at the start, but will heed your request to go slowly and respect that.....

Once you know which this man is, you can decide to continue or not. And the meeting him alone thing - don't do it just yet if you are not comfortable with the idea..... if he takes off in a huff over this he will have saved you a lot of problems in the future, and if he sticks around, well you just might end up in a relationship.......

JMHO

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howardtheduck is offline howardtheduck Post #6  June 25,2010, 7:07pm
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #7  June 25,2010, 7:11pm
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short_and_sweet wrote :
My first date with a recent match (who requested to skip guided communication) went well-- no awkward pauses, plenty of laughs, an overall good time. We spent about an hour and a half together, then set up a date for the following week.

Just 10 minutes after we parted ways, he called me to say that he had a great time, which was fine. Then, he said that I "was everything he's looking for in a woman," and asked to see me again before the date we had just set up. It was kind of sweet, but can you really know that after 1.5 hours?

It was followed by a good morning text the next day, another one a little while later, and 2 phone calls later that afternoon and evening. The next day, I got more texts asking if I felt the same way about him (told him it was too soon for me to tell and that I take things slowly), and minutes later asking me to dinner and his apartment to watch a movie. I said I was uncomfortable being alone in his home, so he asked if we could go to the beach at night instead.

Should I be nervous about this, or just take it as a compliment that he likes me this much?
I would suspect that hes a rebounder looking for a band aid.

Definitely make sure you go slowly. Hes pushing for way too much too soon. Watch to see if he backs off if you dont go along with the program or respects your wishes.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #8  June 25,2010, 7:13pm
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I had a similar experience - the gentleman in question had sent an email before I even got back home, saying he had closed his profile (on another site) because he had found everything he was looking for. Yikes. I discovered after some conversation that I was his first date since his rather unpleasant divorce. It's unfortunate, as we had a great date and I would have been very interested in pursuing our connection, but I was put off by his immediate latching-on behavior. Use your head, OP.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #9  June 28,2010, 2:49am
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SnS,

Follow your gutt instincts here - I think they are right. The answer to your question is: yes.. it is far too early for him to know all that so quickly.

What's more is.. his belief in that opinion seemed to accelerate even though you hadn't spent anymore time at all together, right? (This proves to you that this is all in his head and he's dealing with what's in his head and how he's internalizing this situation in his head ~ rather then seeing it in reality and based on actual and real interactions with you).

So I think you have a decision on your hands. Is it just a matter of saying "let's go slower?" Or should you see these signs as the surface to some deeper possible issues with this man?

That part I will not say anything about since I haven't spent any time wiith the man. All I will say is ~ I think your instincts are correct, and their based on all the correct reasons ~ so continue to follow and trust your instincts.

Good luck.
Richey
 
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short_and_sweet is offline short_and_sweet Post #10  June 28,2010, 8:20am
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Thanks all! Let's just say that things on his side have been escalating ("we should make this official") without so much as a phone call from me! So, I think I will give him some advice for his future dates and call it quits on this one!
 
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