Pot Smoking: A Deal Breaker?


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CreativeGemini is offline CreativeGemini Post #1  June 24,2010, 9:39am
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I'm a 27 year old occasional pot smoker who smokes a few times a month, mostly at get together with close friends and at parties I attend. I know that pot smokers are branded by stereotypes quite heavily, but living in the San Francisco Bay Area pot smoking is rather liberal.

So when it comes dating I'm always faced with the dilemma as to when I should reveal that I smoke pot. My typical approach when dating someone who I have no idea if she accepts pot as a recreational drug is to let her get to know my personality quite well before mentioning that I smoke pot. Another approach is to hint at pot use during casual conversation to gain some sort of reaction and then gauge the situation from there.

Thoughts?
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #2  June 24,2010, 9:55am

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CreativeGemini wrote :
I'm a 27 year old occasional pot smoker who smokes a few times a month, mostly at get together with close friends and at parties I attend. I know that pot smokers are branded by stereotypes quite heavily, but living in the San Francisco Bay Area pot smoking is rather liberal.

So when it comes dating I'm always faced with the dilemma as to when I should reveal that I smoke pot. My typical approach when dating someone who I have no idea if she accepts pot as a recreational drug is to let her get to know my personality quite well before mentioning that I smoke pot. Another approach is to hint at pot use during casual conversation to gain some sort of reaction and then gauge the situation from there.

Thoughts?
Go to Berkeley?
 
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nancymargritangelita is offline nancymargritangelita Post #3  June 24,2010, 9:56am
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My initial reaction is to say this is not a deal breaker for me. If you're doing it recreationally, it's the same as using alcohol, coffee, and tobacco "recreationally".

The problem with pot is that here in Canada it's illegal - not sure about the US. Certain medical groups have been trying to get it legalized for illnesses such as Multiple Sclerosis - it is said to take away the nausea in this disease. I'm not sure where the government is in this regard.

The way you approach it with your dates sounds like a good plan.
 
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dmi is online now dmi Post #4  June 24,2010, 10:16am
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I have drug use as a Can't Stand. I don't view pot as a grey area. It's just something I've had to deal with in the past and don't want to deal with it again.

I did get matched with someone who was did more serious drugs and had quit, but, still smoked pot occasionally. She didn't mention it until we actually met face to face. I appreciated that she brought it up early on instead of trying to hook me sufficiently before mentioning it.

I'd say be upfront about it if it's mentioned as a Can't Stand. Otherwise, find an appropriate time to mention it.
 
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CreativeGemini is offline CreativeGemini Post #5  June 24,2010, 10:24am
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nancymargritangelita wrote :
The problem with pot is that here in Canada it's illegal - not sure about the US. Certain medical groups have been trying to get it legalized for illnesses such as Multiple Sclerosis - it is said to take away the nausea in this disease. I'm not sure where the government is in this regard.
It's still illegal under federal law in the States, but many states like California it's been legalized for medical purposes.

@dmi: When it comes eH and a match has recreational drugs listed as a can't stand makes the dilemma much more intense. That situation is the only time I'll be upfront about it since I don't want to lead her on and then drop a bombshell.
 
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rocchio is offline rocchio Post #6  June 24,2010, 10:26am
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My advice would be to not disclose it yet. If things progress with your relationship, you might want to "feel her out on the issue." If when you tell her, she becomes incensed, explain that it is obviously not a problem for you since the only way she would have known in by your disclosing it to her.

As far as the argument that it's illegal goes, well, so was hiding Jews in Nazi occupied Europe or assisting runaway slaves during American slavery; the illegal nature of an activity does not determine it's morality or ethics.
From a practical standpoint in addressing a fear that you will get inot trouble with legal authorities, you might point out the dozens and dozens of co-workers and people with whom she works who smoke marijuana clandestinely (trust me they do) and how casual user are very seldom arrested or prosecuted. Casual and social use is much different than dealing.

Good luck with it!
 
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hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #7  June 24,2010, 10:29am

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CreativeGemini wrote :
Thoughts?
Nothing quite like trying to hide the fact that you're a criminal who doesn't think our nation's laws apply to them as a basis for a relationship.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #8  June 24,2010, 10:31am

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I get so much more housework done if i take an adderall. so it's all good if my match is a neat freak.
 
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lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #9  June 24,2010, 10:33am
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If it's a 'can't stand' for someone, I think they've made themselves clear.

If it isn't, I wouldn't mention it immediately...so many people smoke pot. Someone laughingly confided that the only reason they didn't get high last weekend is b/c they do random drug tests for real where we work. I honestly wouldn't have guessed - you just don't know, and I think that shows most people's stance.

I've only smoked pot a few times, but I don't consider it a big deal - since you're 27, most of the people you match with will most likely feel the same. However, if you are putting your career at risk (like I would be) or make other irresponsible decisions b/c of it that could be a deal breaker.
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #10  June 24,2010, 10:46am
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It depends on who you are dating. They will have serious problems with this say if their carers has them go through random drug testing where second hand smoke could show up.

I have friends who occasionally (1 or 2 times a year) will smoke some...I never have. Though I have been with them.

As you are describing this is a regular thing and not an occassional thing.

The other issue in this that you didnt mention....

are you using this for fun or is this medically necessary?

You dont have to come out and reveal to them your hobby...instead in conversation you bring up there views on some stabloid story like some star being arrested for drug possesion. Find out how she feels about that and then play devis advocate where for example...say a story breaks that lindsay lohan was arrested again for pot possession...what is her reaction to that....and talk about the hypothetical without making her thing its in reference to you.


If you bring it up out of the blue and ask her "how do you feel about smoking pot?" says to her---if she is smart---"I do drugs...is it OK with you?"
 
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