First meet when it's a long distance person....


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2clueless is offline 2clueless Post #1  June 24,2010, 9:30am
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I had an amazing second conversation with someone. We really clicked during our first phone conversation. He is, dare I say, very intellectually engaging. We ended up blabbing more about intellectual concepts than ourselves. We scheduled a second conversation with the goal of exchanging more traditional information and it was a four hour fest about ourselves, our family, eating habits etc. My goosebumps have goosebumps.

Unfortunately, he is long distance but he says that he is willing to bear the burdens of meeting up on my turf and has a hotel that he stays at locally because he comes here once a month for business. I just have to say when. At first I asked him to just coordinate with his next trip but then he said that it was several weeks away and he was open to coming sooner.

I feel nervous about someone going so far out of the way (time!!/expense!!) to meet me. I dont' know. It seems like a lot. He'd have to fly. On the other hand, I'd rather not wait for his July monthly visit because I feel nervous of the chance that we might not click at all romantically in person. I've had several meets but no clicks.

Is it off putting to set up my usual brunch/lunch "meet" under these circumstances? Should I just go out on a limb a bit and do the whole evening dinner date thing? How do you leave it open ended under the circumstances when someone is travelling to meet you? What about if there ends up being no in person chemistry?
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #2  June 24,2010, 9:46am
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This is difficult because if he is there already on business, you meeting for dinner is pretty basic and no real burden on each.

Him traveling separately to meet you adds more burden with the added cost and all. If he travels just to see you then the plan goes from just a meal to spending all day together which could be weird if things dont click.

Since he regularly travels there I would just wait till he does and talk some more.

Some advice once you plan on meeting face to face...for about a week before dont talk. This will allow you to have stuff to talk about when he meets you.

In your conversations you are past the first date typical stuff so you need topics to talk about. dead conversation means a dead date.

I also find that one good conversation doesnt predict well. You need a few more good conversations and feel you connect on many different things before deciding to have him make a separate trip.
 
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2clueless is offline 2clueless Post #3  June 24,2010, 10:25am
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Thanks for the advice. I think you are right that more of a foundation for the trip is necessary. We are going to webcam for our next conversation. I think this will be a nice intermediary step to get more of a sense of each other.

Otherwise, I was thinking of two dates. The first could be a morning/early arfternoon more casual meet/walk/talk in the park, maybe even rent a bike or go rowing type of thing. Then a break and plans for an evening meetup for a meal. If there is zero chemistry then that latter part could always be cancelled. I think I'd be happier keeping the first meet a bit more casual.
 
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chemgal is offline chemgal Post #4  June 24,2010, 4:57pm
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Given that it'll be less than a month, I think it's best to wait until his next business visit. That way, there's a lot less pressure for both of you to be "on"/"perfect" which (for me at least) makes you more likely to actually be "on"/"perfect". I was in a similar situation (5 hr drive round trip between me and the boyfriend) and we met up when I was in town shopping anyway. So much less pressure - which made for a much nicer first date (I think).

If he insists he'd like to meet you earlier than the business trip, though, I wouldn't push the issue. After all, you don't want him to think you don't want to meet him when you actually do.
Last edited by chemgal; June 24,2010 at 4:59pm.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #5  June 24,2010, 5:18pm
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While it seems you have no real incentive or need to, sharing this cost avoids all the fairness / investment equity issues.

Personally, I would wait until the next opportunity to meet.

I have no concerns over the duration of the meeting - I just don't have the experiences others seem to have, that makes them terrified of a meeting that can't be cut short. But then, I can always come up with something to talk about.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #6  June 24,2010, 5:23pm
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Another vote for waiting until his next regularly scheduled visit. If he comes to your area once a month that is really convenient.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Renee is offline eH_Advice_Host_Renee Post #7  June 24,2010, 6:41pm

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Dear 2clueless,

To take the pressure off your first meeting, it looks like the consensus is that it should be during his next monthly trip. That's great that you will be able to use a webcam to enhance your conversations in the meantime. I'm hopeful that the two of you will continue to hit it off and make plans to meet next month.

When you do, I was wondering what others think about your two-tiered meeting idea? I like your plan to have a more casual and fun first encounter; then, if you two click, to meet later in the evening for a "date." In fact, I think it's probably not a bad way to go no matter what the distance between you and someone you're meeting for the first time.

Anybody else have feedback to share?

Best wishes for a wonderful first meeting. Hope you'll let us know how it goes.

-Renee
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VB_Girl is offline VB_Girl Post #8  June 24,2010, 7:19pm
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I agree with waiting for his next visit to your town. July is just around the corner, next week in fact!

I think that if it turns out he comes sooner that you should go ahead and do your lunch thing and hopefully things will progress from there.

The lack of chemistry upon meeting is a chance both parties are taking in a LDR. Hope things work out for you.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #9  June 24,2010, 7:58pm
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I also advocate waiting. Webcam (Skype or similar) is a great way to help break the ice on another level before a first in-person meet, too.

My guy and I are long-distance, and I went out to meet him. I can't give you advice for what kind of date it should be, though, because after 5 months of communication caused by his difficult schedule) I flew to his state and we went straight into a several-day road trip... that seems not to have ended yet.

I don't advocate anyone else try that as a first date, but I do wish you luck!
 
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2clueless is offline 2clueless Post #10  June 25,2010, 3:06am
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Thanks for the feedback.

I spoke to a friend about it and she advocated taking things in stages and not deciding until later. I have to say that we do not talk or contact each other every day so it doesn't feel like instagirlfriend, just a match with great potential. Our webcam is not until early next week. If we can keep up a nice pace of communication without escalation and without flakiness then I'll decide about the timing of the meetup. He has just been here so his next trip is not until the end of July so I guess that's why it seems far away because I've been used to "the 2 week turn around" on matches.

In the meantime, I have one other meet in the pipeline.
Last edited by 2clueless; June 25,2010 at 3:28am.
 
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