Is the woman EVER allowed to truly love?


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turqoisepink is offline turqoisepink Post #1  June 23,2010, 11:08am
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Last edited by turqoisepink; June 23,2010 at 11:57am.
 
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lucas7419 is offline lucas7419 Post #2  June 23,2010, 11:14am
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Need to ask a question as I believe it is human nature. You say you are not that physically attracted to him. Why did you agree to see him them? Physical attraction is the way most things start. You see someone across the room that catches your eye or see a picture. Just curious. But then just because they caught your eye doesn't mean that you will like the rest of the person. So I don't know if you can FORCE yourself to love.
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #3  June 23,2010, 11:30am
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turqoisepink wrote :
I'm dating someone who is really into me, but I just don't like him as much as he likes me. He complains that I'm not affectionate and that I always turn away when he tries to kiss me (which is true). I just don't feel very strongly about him and am not all that attracted to him physically. He's the kind of man that I know I should love, -- he's warm, responsible, giving, kind and he adores me -- but I just can't bring myself to fall in love with him.



I



My questions are:

1) Is there a woman out there that has truly loved and desired a man who truly loves and desires her in return?

2) Are there any men that are madly in love with a woman he knows loves him just as much in return?

3) Any other feedback would be great.

30 years on this planet and I just can't seem to find that kind of balance and I just want to know that it is, at the very least, possible.
1.) Sure you can find someone who loves you just as much as you him but even that is short lived (and usually flames out without long lasting hope). Even in a longer relationship you are always going to be at different points where one will love the other more...its part of life. You will never love someone in that storybook sterotypical manner that you long for---stuff like that is short lasting and isnt reality.

2.) yes there are relationships where the love is equal...but how do you quanify it since much of love is internal. They havent come up with a love thermometer yet that you stick someplace to measure you.




3.) The bigger issue here is knowing your experience,,,is it something you try for the guys you cant get but push away the ones that want you. Maybe you think of yourself in some way that you really arent. They have done some interesting studies on reading how people interact and are attracted to someone physically and they find similar ranked people tend to go with similarly ranked people within 1 score on a 1-10 scale.

For example are you ranked a 6 and ignore the 5-7 trying to get an 8-10?


With this guy...why cant you fall in love with him...it seems to me you are turned away from his appearance...why...what is wrong with his appearance?

It would be hypocritical for you to turn him away because he is overweight but you arent a barbie doll either.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #4  June 23,2010, 11:35am
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I loved and desired a man who loved and desired me. Looking for that again. Yes it exists.

You can't force yourself to love someone. However, if you repeatedly have the same experience you're describing, it's worth considering that you are somehow sabotaging yourself. E.g., fear of loss of control can lead people to stay out of deeply intimate relationships. Is it possible you have something that (subconsciously) keeps you from responding to men who respond to you?
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #5  June 23,2010, 11:47am

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I find myself very confused about this thread and its title. No one stops women from truly loving. If you feel like you are being stopped you really need to look inside yourself because that is where your answers lie.

If you find you have a pattern where you cannot love a man that loves you or that you only love men you cannot have there are other issues at play here that you may want to discuss with a therapist.

Good luck.
 
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turqoisepink is offline turqoisepink Post #6  June 23,2010, 11:52am
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Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
I find myself very confused about this thread and its title. ...you may want to discuss with a therapist.

Good luck.
If you're confused about this thread, then don't respond.
 
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hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #7  June 23,2010, 11:54am

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turqoisepink wrote :
If you're confused about this thread, then don't respond.


The original post just sounds like whining to me. If you're not satisfied, then keep looking.

However, you're thinking about it all wrong, it's not about equal love, it's about happiness. The amount doesn't have to be the same. It just has to be enough for both sides to be satisfied.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #8  June 23,2010, 11:57am

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turqoisepink wrote :
If you're confused about this thread, then don't respond.
I would like to help and to do so I need to understand. Perhaps I could have worded my response better.

Why do you feel like you are not allowed to truly love?

To answer your questions, 1)yes 2)yes 3)I can't answer until I understand your post.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #9  June 23,2010, 12:04pm

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turqoisepink wrote :
...
I believe so!!!
 
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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #10  June 23,2010, 12:57pm
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Turquoisepink,

Welcome to the eHarmony Advice boards. I'm sorry you were obviously unhappy with one or more of the responses that you got here, but that's the risk in sharing in ANY online forum - you're going to get lots of perspectives, some of which you'll agree with and some which you won't.

My advice is that those who seek input from others on this board graciously accept all the help offered and then simply utilize what you can and simply let the rest fall away. After all, if you took the time and effort to respond to someone else you would likely appreciate a similarly kind response to your contribution, right?

Hope this suggestion helps you out, and that you've found some of the answers you sought. I encourage you to re-instate your question in your original post so you can get more input from our Community.

Best,
-Lori
 
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