confused1920 is offline confused1920 Post #1  June 23,2010, 5:44am
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I have seen this woman for about a month. I would like for it to be exclusive. Haven't found the right way to ask yet. We see each other a lot throughout the week. Last night she cooks dinner and we go for a walk. Hold hands and talk. Go back to watch a movie and we fell asleep. We have been staying up way late and still getting up to go to work. So I leave about 1:30 and I get this text from her "you looked really nice tonight and I wanted to let you know I will gladly date you without gifts or surprises. be careful going home

Is that my answer on exclusive? The surprises comment is because I knew she liked horseback riding and asked if she missed it since she moved to Texas. I told her I wanted to steal her away for a weekend and won't tell her why. So thoughts?
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  June 23,2010, 6:00am
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She told you quite directly that she likes you but that you are trying way too hard and that you need to relax a bit or a lot. In other words, she likes you but is becoming quite uncomfortable with the gifts and surprises and is asking you to ease up on that.

I don't really know how in the world you are reading anything about exclusivity into that. If you want to know about exclusivity, ask her directly.
 
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lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #3  June 23,2010, 6:15am
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I wouldn't read too much into it - it sounds like she's enjoying spending time with you and wanted you to know that it's b/c she likes you, not what you've done/are willing to do for her.

I don't read exclusive, either - just that she's enjoying herself and willing to continue
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #4  June 23,2010, 7:22am
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she wants to be exclusive... to me, the text is very much woman speak for, "I like you for you, stop trying so hard, we're already developing something good here."

Just ask her, tell her you like her and would like to focus your attention on getting to know her better in an exclusive situation.
 
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lucas7419 is offline lucas7419 Post #5  June 23,2010, 9:33am
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jussmile wrote :
she wants to be exclusive... to me, the text is very much woman speak for, "I like you for you, stop trying so hard, we're already developing something good here."

Just ask her, tell her you like her and would like to focus your attention on getting to know her better in an exclusive situation.
In my opinion this is how I would have interputed the text. But I am new to all this again so maybe I am wrong. Hopefully you get more advise. But this is the most logical answer I don't think you were being to pushy though as one post suggested. Just talk as hard or scary that might sound it is always best to try and be open. Easier said though..good luck
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #6  June 23,2010, 1:32pm
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You can just phrase this toward her...by asking "am i your boyfriend?" or "are you my girlfriend?'"

If you are seeing each other every night then I have a feeling you are exclusive now and you can bring up some talk about long term things.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #7  June 23,2010, 6:19pm
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I think it's clear she's saying she's really enjoying you, enjoys time with you, and continues to want to explore this relationship. So I defnitely think her intentions are that if this continues to develop as it has thus far, she is open to an exclusive relationship.

So.... you can ask her if you want and MUST need such a label now, or just keep enjoying it so it keeps progressing then just conclude from all the signals she's giving whether she considers you exclusive or not.

i tend to not be the type that needs to put labels, and puts any requirmenets like that on something ~ and usually let thigns speak for themselves to the point it's real obvious what's gong on. But that's just me.

Sounds like it's going great. Good luck!

Richey
 
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yeahitsme is offline yeahitsme Post #8  June 23,2010, 10:30pm
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Exclusivity is something that happens, no? Just saying it, doesn't always make it so, and simply not saying it doesn't make it any less true. If neither of you are dating other people, and have no intention of doing so, you're exculsive.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #9  June 24,2010, 3:33am
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yeahitsme wrote :
Exclusivity is something that happens, no? Just saying it, doesn't always make it so, and simply not saying it doesn't make it any less true. If neither of you are dating other people, and have no intention of doing so, you're exculsive.
But how do you know that the other person is (or isn't) dating other people and has no intention of doing so unless they tell you, and vice versa? For any of a variety of reasons, in some relationships this is not as clear a situation as you are imagining.
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #10  June 24,2010, 4:01am
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I ask outright. I really hate dancing around an issue and like to know exactly where I stand. But that's me. If I'm wondering, I ask. The conversation usually goes something like this:

Me: So... are you seeing anyone else?
Him: No.
Me: Is that on purpose or just plain lack of opportunity?

That usually makes the guy smile, and then we can talk about what page we're on.

You can't assume anything. I dated a guy for about a month one time, and it absolutely appeared that we were exclusive, so I figured we must be. I still don't see how he ever had time for anyone else, calling me 5 or 6 times a day and seeing me almost every night and on the weekends. Then one day he proudly announced he had dumped the other women he was seeing and was now with me exclusively. Umm... okay.
 
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