lucas7419 is offline lucas7419 Post #1  June 22,2010, 11:35am
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Okay need advise from the ladies or guys I guess. Been seeing this girl for 3 weeks now. 3-4 times a week. I like her a lot and the same in return from what I can tell. Question is when do you ladies think about sex? I am a nice guy and don't want to push it or make it seem that is the only reason I am seeing her. I could go into further detail but won't. Would it frustrate you to want that and the guy not pick up on signals? Or what signals should men be looking for?

Just curious
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #2  June 22,2010, 11:48am
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I'll answer although I'm sure I'm not your target audience (since you're looking at sex at the 3 week point)...

From what I've seen, the answer to this question of the "when" is all across the board! There are people who have a set number of dates in mind, there are people who just go with it when the feeling is right, there are people who refuse to have sex before 3 months... there are people waiting for marriage, and there are people (like me) who want to have sex in a committed, long-term relationship leading to marriage.

So, I really don't think anyone will be able to answer the question of "when" is the right time for her to have sex with you.

Now, as to the signals, that's a hard one too. I think it boils down to the person. If I think I'm ready to have sex, and the right pieces have been put in place, I'm guessing... (hasn't happened yet), that I will just come out and tell the guy that I believe our relationship has moved to the next level... or something corny like that. It shouldn't have to be a guessing game.

Likewise, you could just come out and ask her. Tell her exactly what you've said here, how much you like her, you're looking for an exclusive relationship, and you would like to spend the night with her... or something corny like that ...
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #3  June 22,2010, 11:52am
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Ladies think about sex pretty much every day. Probably not quite as often as Gentlemen do, but almost.

Oh, you mean sex with you? The thinking starts when you first meet.

I think the best way to test the waters is to make small moves to start with. Physical contact in "public" areas, which over the course of a few dates can progress to less public areas. See how she responds: pushes you away? gets miffed? Not so good. Participates, smiles? Better. Makes moves towards you? Very good.

I don't think there's any Universal Signal. Different women have very different ideas and behaviors around sex. You really just have to look at each new woman as a whole new universe to explore.

And ... you can't go wrong if you ask. The answer to "Let's make love" should tell you for sure where things stand.
 
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lucas7419 is offline lucas7419 Post #4  June 22,2010, 11:53am
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jussmile wrote :
I'll answer although I'm sure I'm not your target audience (since you're looking at sex at the 3 week point)...

From what I've seen, the answer to this question of the "when" is all across the board! There are people who have a set number of dates in mind, there are people who just go with it when the feeling is right, there are people who refuse to have sex before 3 months... there are people waiting for marriage, and there are people (like me) who want to have sex in a committed, long-term relationship leading to marriage.

So, I really don't think anyone will be able to answer the question of "when" is the right time for her to have sex with you.

Now, as to the signals, that's a hard one too. I think it boils down to the person. If I think I'm ready to have sex, and the right pieces have been put in place, I'm guessing... (hasn't happened yet), that I will just come out and tell the guy that I believe our relationship has moved to the next level... or something corny like that. It shouldn't have to be a guessing game.

Likewise, you could just come out and ask her. Tell her exactly what you've said here, how much you like her, you're looking for an exclusive relationship, and you would like to spend the night with her... or something corny like that ...
I agree with different people and I am very much like you in that sense. I really don't want to go into details but I am 34 and it has been 14 years since I dated and I have a good friend who is 24 and tells me I am missing signals. Was just curious if missing the signals could end a good thing or if girls appreciate someone not rushing into that part
 
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insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #5  June 22,2010, 11:59am
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Is this the same woman you smooched on the second date? Do I remember that thread rightly?

How intimate have you two been? Deep kisses, heavy petting, anything like that? But more importantly, how has she responded to your advances? If she's not pushing you away or saying "let's slow down" I would guess you're proceeding fine on that front.

However, if you haven't made any moves, she may be waiting for you to do so.
 
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lucas7419 is offline lucas7419 Post #6  June 22,2010, 12:03pm
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insertscreenname wrote :
Is this the same woman you smooched on the second date? Do I remember that thread rightly?

How intimate have you two been? Deep kisses, heavy petting, anything like that? But more importantly, how has she responded to your advances? If she's not pushing you away or saying "let's slow down" I would guess you're proceeding fine on that front.

However, if you haven't made any moves, she may be waiting for you to do so.
Yes I am that thread. We have been pretty intimate without being intimate. Hasn't pushed away on any of my moves. Just don't want to mess it up. That was why I was more curious on if that can ruin a relationship or not? We have plans for 3 months down the road. Just seeing her again tonight and not wanting to ruin things. I mean I could take one for the team because I believe she really likes me too
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #7  June 22,2010, 12:11pm
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usually women will push you away if you're going too far. I think it's totally appropriate to ask her if she's interested in taking things a little farther than you have at this point, since you've already done so much petting/kissing together. she shouldn't be offended.

or if you don't want to ask, just do the usual makeout session and push things farther, but say what you're doing before you do it. as in, kiss her, and whisper in her ear, teasing, "oh, I really hope I get to second base" and then start unsnapping her bra. she will stop you if she doesn't want you to do that. or if you've already gone that far, same with third base. keep it light, teasing, sweet, and she won't be offended if you try too much as long as she has ample notice to stop everything in its tracks anywhere in the process.

and if she does stop things, do not let yourself show any disappointment for even a split second. kiss her, hold her, hang out with her for a while longer, or watch a movie, etc. but don't make her feel rejected because she wouldn't "put out" not that it sounds like you would do that.

good luck!
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #8  June 22,2010, 12:22pm
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Personally I ask about her opinions on sex very early on and I think your best bet is just to be open and ask what she thinks. If you think now is the right time and she doesn't than you would do better to know than to make moves that might offend her.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #9  June 22,2010, 12:26pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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My advice is if you'd like to have sex then let her know this (whether with words or by actions) and let her respond as she will. She'll either respond affirmatively or negatively.... but either way you'll know. I don't think you need to tiptoe around the subject.... just be observant and respectful of how she responds.
 
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howardtheduck is offline howardtheduck Post #10  June 22,2010, 5:27pm
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3 weeks! 3-4 time/week? What the h*ll are you waiting for, man? Man up and make an overt move, not a subtle one - you will be rejected or not
 
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