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Amarok is offline Amarok Post #1  June 22,2010, 8:25am
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Ok, as most of you know I rent a house with my mom due to my loss of a job almost all of last year, divorce, the economy..blah blah blah. Also helping my mom out. Well I went on the date with the guy yesterday and he made a comment that 'my sister STILL lives with my mom and she's 40!' I didn't know what to say! I was debating should I tell him then? Wait? I don't want to make it a sob story but I want him to know WHY my mom and I rent together. I don't want to not tell him up front and have him think I lied to him. Should I wait until our second date to tell him?
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #2  June 22,2010, 8:29am
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There is a difference between "Still" living with the parents and moving back in temporarily for financial issues.

I would start with the job loss section of your life and then lead into the living with you mom section. The job loss and divorce are the primary reasons, correct? If it's just that you made some really bad financial decisions, then you are SOL.
 
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Amarok is offline Amarok Post #3  June 22,2010, 8:34am
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Oh no TOTALLY from loss of job and divorce. I mean I couldn't even keep my car (how can you afford a car payment without a job)? And with the economy being what it is (and what I get paid) it helps us both out. So I really hope he understands. I just get all tongue tied when trying to explain it. I tried to call him and told him to call me when he could, but thinking maybe telling him in person???
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  June 22,2010, 9:07am
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I think that it's a little too soon for you to be discussing finances with what amounts to be a total stranger. How about you get to know him a little and figure out if you genuinely like him or not first. At this point your finances are really none of his business and his finances are none of your business.

Also, how do you figure that you can be accused of lying? Did he ask where you live and how? Did you misrepresent yourself in your answer? I don't think you are presenting yourself to him as a wealthy woman, right?
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #5  June 22,2010, 9:08am
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Eh, either way. I can't really say it would be an instant deal breaker for him just because he said something about his sister. Sibling relationships are different. He should see you in a different light.
 
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charmed59 is offline charmed59 Post #6  June 22,2010, 9:37am
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I think from his comment it is likely a deal breaker, but you won't know for sure until you tell him. So the real question is, how invested do you want to get before telling him something that might make him walk away.
 
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hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #7  June 22,2010, 9:44am

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Amarok wrote :
Ok, as most of you know I rent a house with my mom due to my loss of a job almost all of last year, divorce, the economy..blah blah blah. Also helping my mom out. Well I went on the date with the guy yesterday and he made a comment that 'my sister STILL lives with my mom and she's 40!' I didn't know what to say! I was debating should I tell him then? Wait? I don't want to make it a sob story but I want him to know WHY my mom and I rent together. I don't want to not tell him up front and have him think I lied to him. Should I wait until our second date to tell him?
No. You should have thrown your drink in his face on the spot and left without another word.
 
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Amarok is offline Amarok Post #8  June 22,2010, 9:56am
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Hey DancingFool! To answer your question, nope. Didn't tell him anything about who I live with or whatever. So I'm just taking it slow, we have a second date planned when he comes back. I'm just wondering if I should wait until HE brings up questions. I told him I lived in Goodyear, that he wasn't that far from me (I don't think I mentioned that I'm renting a house there...can't remember for sure but don't think that would be a big deal...) My family is telling me to tell him but I don't know...I don't feel comfortable just yet. ???

Bleah.....
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #9  June 22,2010, 10:16am
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You are right not to be comfortable talking to a complete stranger about things like that. Relax, get to know him just like you would any other guy in any other situation. Things like that come out about each other naturally as topics and various conversations come up and as interest grows and it becomes more relevant. At or before a second date it's simply not relevant and you definitely don't want to meet a person and start blurting out to them everything that you think is wrong with you.

I think you need to remember that absolutely everyone comes with pros and cons and what we look for is for the pros to outweigh the cons. Let him be his own judge of what does and does not matter to him about your living situation without projecting your own insecurities onto him. Also, keep things in perspective - over the next few dates you may discover things about him that are deal breakers to you and this whole worry will be over nothing.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  June 22,2010, 11:00am
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As mentioned there is a difference with living with your mom (or parents) because you have not or won't move out on your own and living with your mom for a reason to help each other out.

Also as mentioned this guy may not be able to make the distinction but you will not know until you tell him about your situation. If this is a deal breaker for him then you really did not want him anyway so you may as well tell him sooner than later.
 
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