Friends w/ matches that didn't work out


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confusedgal is offline confusedgal Post #1  June 22,2010, 5:46am
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I was reading another thread that said that these sites are another social network and that people develop great freindships off of them. I don't know - I joined because I want a relationship with someone not look for friends.

When I read that statement it got me to think about someone I used to see who remained facebook friends and texting buddies with people he went on dates with, but nothing progressed from it and it always made me feel a little uncomfortable.

So, do many of you guys remain friends with matches that didn't work out romantically? Just curious....
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  June 22,2010, 6:13am
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What you describe sounds like someone deliberately collecting acquaintances. Friendships can and do happen, but do so spontaneously just like they would in any other context where you meet a person and something clicks.

I've certainly met a few guys with the intent to date, however there was no physical attraction on either side, but our personalities meshed. We both acknowledged the situation and noted how much fun it was just to hang out and be pals. So over time we've become good friends instead. Again, it's not something that you seek, it's just something that may happen from time to time.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #3  June 22,2010, 6:19am
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I've become friends with a couple of guys that I dated... I see nothing wrong with that. Now, I am not interested in dating a guy who is just looking for friendship, as I am looking for a long-term relationship. But, there are a lot of neat guys out there, whom, even if there is no romantic interest, or for whatever reason, no relationship potential, and you both feel you can be friends, hang out and have fun together, there is nothing wrong with that.

Careful though that one-sided attraction does not get in the way of friendship. I have not yet run into this being an issue, but I've heard that it can be problematic.
 
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2clueless is offline 2clueless Post #4  June 22,2010, 6:22am
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I have not met anyone I want to befriend and anyway, I'd be less open to that. I have very little social space as it is.
 
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dannyboy451 is offline dannyboy451 Post #5  June 22,2010, 6:33am
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Nope. I already have a great group of friends. As far as my matches go, it's all or nothing. And think ahead: Say you meet the person of your dreams in a year. How is he/she going to feel when they figure out that a lot of your friends are people you've once (or worse, recently) dated? To me, it's just not worth the potential can of worms it opens up later.
 
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confusedgal is offline confusedgal Post #6  June 22,2010, 7:12am
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dannyboy451 wrote :
Nope. I already have a great group of friends. As far as my matches go, it's all or nothing. And think ahead: Say you meet the person of your dreams in a year. How is he/she going to feel when they figure out that a lot of your friends are people you've once (or worse, recently) dated? To me, it's just not worth the potential can of worms it opens up later.

This is exactly how I feel and wasn't sure if I was wrong to feel that way. Thanks for all the insight everyone.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  June 22,2010, 8:53am
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dannyboy451 wrote :
Nope. I already have a great group of friends. As far as my matches go, it's all or nothing. And think ahead: Say you meet the person of your dreams in a year. How is he/she going to feel when they figure out that a lot of your friends are people you've once (or worse, recently) dated? To me, it's just not worth the potential can of worms it opens up later.
I think there is a huge difference between keeping ex's or people you've dated as friends - a definite can of worms - and meeting someone for coffee, realizing there is nothing there romantically but clicking otherwise. To my mind that's not any different than meeting someone at any other random path in life where you meet and click enough to actually pursue a friendship.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #8  June 22,2010, 9:04am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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DancingFool wrote :
I think there is a huge difference between keeping ex's or people you've dated as friends - a definite can of worms - and meeting someone for coffee, realizing there is nothing there romantically but clicking otherwise. To my mind that's not any different than meeting someone at any other random path in life where you meet and click enough to actually pursue a friendship.
That's pretty much my view as well. It's also pretty rare that I really 'click' with someone like this on a friendship level in any other random path of life. So, it's only natural that I haven't clicked this way with anyone I've dated via the internet.
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #9  June 22,2010, 10:24am
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Whenever I have met anyone online or real life I look for friends first.

There are certain areas that would lead to relationship failure. Some people can bet past these differences while others cant when it comes to relationships...but not for friendships.

Some of these differences are areas like religion, having/wanting children, future outlook on life, values/political beliefs, and other things you value.

You really dont know this from seeing someones profile. For example the profiles list a religion...but you dont know how religious the person really is.

There area few people I have met online where we remain just friends. With one it was a matter of timing where I just wanted to be friends at that time. With another we have just been friends from the start and never really pursued any sort of relationship.

With many people they may have dated someone for a few months and got to know them and realized that there were too many little things that would make a relationship or marriage difficult but these are non-issues when its just friendship so they opt to just be friends.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  June 22,2010, 11:08am
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I, too, am looking for a romantic match and not trying to collect friends via eHarmony. I am not in communication with any of my matches that did not work out (and thus far that would be every one of them).
 
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