thetexasj is offline thetexasj Post #1  June 22,2010, 5:02am
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I am so new to EH and dating. For the people who are experienced in this why does a man/men email and then drop off the face of the earth only to e-mail you again 2wks. later? or why do the call you or text and we seem to hit it off and then you dont hear from them again for another week or two? I no longer am investing my feelings into these men as I did when I first signed up for EH. I see thats where I was making my mistake. Am I like their last option? I need some good advice just to understand exactly what they are thinking. As this moment I am currently talking to 5 different men. One keeps in contact all the time. The others are hit and miss. Can someone out there just help me to understand the way they think?
Thanks
Texas J
 
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suzyblueeyes is offline suzyblueeyes Post #2  June 22,2010, 5:21am
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If you are unsatisfied with the level of communication or interest from a particular man, then you are under no obligation to continue communicating with him. People have many reasons for spotty communication, many of which have nothing to do with you. You will just drive yourself nuts if you try to figure out what each one is thinking. Focus on the ones who you are excited to meet and seem excited to meet you.
 
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dannyboy451 is offline dannyboy451 Post #3  June 22,2010, 5:28am
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Hey Tex,

Could be a lot of reasons. It could be that they've turned to eH because their careers don't allow them the time to use the more conventional dating avenues, and they're finding out they still don't have time. It could be that you said something that turned them off. It could be that they have limited Internet access. You see where I'm headed?

Are you actually meeting them, or just communicating? As a young guy, I lose interest if there's no chance of a face-to-face relatively soon, but maybe I'm just kind of impatient like that. I give it 3 open emails. If a date isn't set up by then, I move on (unless she's unbelievably cool).

I'd say that most likely, if you're not meeting them (and sadly, even if you are), they could be dating other people from eH. You're communicating with five people, what makes you think that they aren't, too? And if these phone calls went so well, did you make a follow-up call? Not all guys are as old-fashioned as women may prefer...

Furthermore, if you're still that new to eH and you're communicating with five people right now, can you really complain? I've read posts from a lot of people on here who are lucky to get a couple matches (who may or may not even be paying members) a week.

Best advice I can give you: Be patient.

Hope this helps!
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  June 22,2010, 5:33am
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Sounds like you are actually picking up on an important lesson that everyone eventually learns about the online thing - until you've met in person there is no relationship of any kind. They are just a stranger to you and you are just a stranger to them and neither one owes the other any obligations. If you want to reduce this kind of a drop off, then stop e-mailing/phoning/txting for extended periods of time and meet sooner rather than later.

There is really no point in delaying meeting. Everything you are exchanging about yourself with these people is really a waste of time, because you have no clue if the attraction/connection will actually be there in real life in person. Most of the time, you will find that the attraction does not translate to real life.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #5  June 22,2010, 5:49am
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They're probably dating /sampling the other women who move past the communication stage faster than you seem to be doing.

Like others have said, it's best to meet up with someone as soon as possible and avoid the pen pal thing.
 
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thetexasj is offline thetexasj Post #6  June 22,2010, 6:06am
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I agree with everyone's advice however the 4 men I am talking to live no where around me so that I understand(other states) the one that lives here not far from Dallas calls me, keeps looking at my profile an e-mails. He works out of town for a week and gets back for the weekend only to take off again. He says he wants to meet up and go out and eat but I have yet for him to actually make a date. How do you get that first date? I dont want to be forward and I dont want to be pushy,desperate etc. I almost feel like I just dont know how to act or what to do. Im not complaining I love talking to all these guys when they decide to email or text. Is that wrong to enjoy talking to all of these men? Im not seeing anyone so I guess all is okay. Is there something else I should be doing or acting a different way??
BTW.... Everyones advice....AWESOME!!!

Texas Gal
 
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2clueless is offline 2clueless Post #7  June 22,2010, 6:06am
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Yes, this was a hard lesson to learn. For me, I communicate with one or two people at most at a time and try to move towards meeting within 2 weeks.

And yes, I do believe that the person for me will be consistent and transparent about our communication. I moved on from a people who wanted to become pen pals, dropping a line every 2 weeks. I do my part by making sure my interest is transparent i.e. initiating contact, timely follow ups etc. If that isn't reciprocated then that's that.

I had a great email exchange with this guy and he gave me his number and I called and left a voicemail with my contact details. That was 2 weeks ago. Nothing since. Who knows what happened? I have learned not to mistake "interaction" with "connection."
 
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Antalicus is offline Antalicus Post #8  June 22,2010, 6:16am
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There are 2 possible reasons.

1 - They aren't as interested as you would want them to be
2 - They are not trying to seem like a creepy stalker type and are trying to minimize their communication or match yours. You don't want to open a conversation with someone significantly more than they do with yourself.
 
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2clueless is offline 2clueless Post #9  June 22,2010, 6:19am
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thetexasj wrote :
I agree with everyone's advice however the 4 men I am talking to live no where around me so that I understand(other states) the one that lives here not far from Dallas calls me, keeps looking at my profile an e-mails. He works out of town for a week and gets back for the weekend only to take off again. He says he wants to meet up and go out and eat but I have yet for him to actually make a date. How do you get that first date? I dont want to be forward and I dont want to be pushy,desperate etc. I almost feel like I just dont know how to act or what to do. Im not complaining I love talking to all these guys when they decide to email or text. Is that wrong to enjoy talking to all of these men? Im not seeing anyone so I guess all is okay. Is there something else I should be doing or acting a different way??
BTW.... Everyones advice....AWESOME!!!

Texas Gal
I wrote a post about this very thing. How to get to first meet? Well, I try to get off email asap and move to a phone call or two. By that second phone call, I hope that the topic of meeting face to face has come up organically. If not, then I steer the conversation there. I am on meetup.com to meet friends and share hobbies. I am EH to try to find someone to share life with. I want to be comfortable with them on some basic level before meeting but once we have a rapport and they seem consistent and there are no red flags, meeting is the obvious next step if they are local.

When the guys tosses out meeting, I toss back a timeframe (in the next week) to get the conversation rolling. Follow up! Reciprocate interest! Take initiative! Just today I am calling up a guy who I've been emailing and we've had our first call, which went well, and IMO it's time to meet. He mentioned meeting at the end of our last phone call and I will follow up on it and suggest that we "make a plan to get together." If he doesn't follow up with strong interest in that then my interest will take a nosedive.
 
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dannyboy451 is offline dannyboy451 Post #10  June 22,2010, 6:24am
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wrote :
He says he wants to meet up and go out and eat but I have yet for him to actually make a date. How do you get that first date?
You ask for it. The trend I'm already seeing is that you're being passive. If the guy is not setting a date and time, suggest one. Even if he balks, at least he'll know your intentions and that the ball is in his court. Guys love it when a woman is assertive.

Look at it this way: You're paying for this service, so why not get your money's worth?

And I totally agree with DancingFool; all the Guided Communication gives you is a baseline. If you really want to see if there's chemistry, you have to meet -- preferably sooner than later.
 
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