How long should the pity last?


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amused_n_confused is offline amused_n_confused Post #1  June 22,2010, 4:28am
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So I've been seeing this guy for a little over a month. He's been great. Always considerate. He sends me funny texts throughout the day and we have great and long conversations on the phone every other night. When we get together, we usually spend the entire day together.

For various reasons and concerns, such as not wanting to be in a commuter relationship (he lives an hour and a half away) and not feeling the "spark" (even though he's such a great guy), I decided that I was going to break things off as I drove home from our last date.

Before I got the chance to talk to him about it though, he texts me the next day (yesterday) informing me he's been in a car accident. He isn't really hurt except some minor back aches, but his beloved car (he's really into cars) is in bad shape. I felt really bad for him, so I decided to put off breaking things off right away. It just didn't seem right to kick a guy while he was down.

Right now, I am unsure how long I should wait. I've asked various friends about it and they've all given me different answers, ranging from "kick him while he's down anyway" to "wait a week."

How long do you guys think I should wait?
 
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hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #2  June 22,2010, 6:45am

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amused_n_confused wrote :
So I've been seeing this guy for a little over a month. He's been great. Always considerate. He sends me funny texts throughout the day and we have great and long conversations on the phone every other night. When we get together, we usually spend the entire day together.

For various reasons and concerns, such as not wanting to be in a commuter relationship (he lives an hour and a half away) and not feeling the "spark" (even though he's such a great guy), I decided that I was going to break things off as I drove home from our last date.

Before I got the chance to talk to him about it though, he texts me the next day (yesterday) informing me he's been in a car accident. He isn't really hurt except some minor back aches, but his beloved car (he's really into cars) is in bad shape. I felt really bad for him, so I decided to put off breaking things off right away. It just didn't seem right to kick a guy while he was down.

Right now, I am unsure how long I should wait. I've asked various friends about it and they've all given me different answers, ranging from "kick him while he's down anyway" to "wait a week."

How long do you guys think I should wait?
Just kick him while he's down now. Much the same way that getting your toe cut off suddenly seems to make your headache go away, he'll either forget about the car or not particularly care about you dumping him. Either way waiting just will make him unhappy over a longer period of time.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #3  June 22,2010, 10:02am

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amused_n_confused wrote :
So I've been seeing this guy for a little over a month. He's been great. Always considerate. He sends me funny texts throughout the day and we have great and long conversations on the phone every other night. When we get together, we usually spend the entire day together.

For various reasons and concerns, such as not wanting to be in a commuter relationship (he lives an hour and a half away) and not feeling the "spark" (even though he's such a great guy), I decided that I was going to break things off as I drove home from our last date.

Before I got the chance to talk to him about it though, he texts me the next day (yesterday) informing me he's been in a car accident. He isn't really hurt except some minor back aches, but his beloved car (he's really into cars) is in bad shape. I felt really bad for him, so I decided to put off breaking things off right away. It just didn't seem right to kick a guy while he was down.

Right now, I am unsure how long I should wait. I've asked various friends about it and they've all given me different answers, ranging from "kick him while he's down anyway" to "wait a week."

How long do you guys think I should wait?
I don't think you need to wait a week...you've seen him for a month, but i take it you're not exclusive and you dont really need another male friend anyway, correct?

Just wait maybe a couple more days and email him. You could probably say in the email "Sorry I dont want to 'kick you while you're down..."
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #4  June 22,2010, 10:06am
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I wouldn't wait. It's not like somebody died in his family or something like that.
 
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2clueless is offline 2clueless Post #5  June 22,2010, 10:10am
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Break it off at the point where it feels uncomfortable to continue and you know how you feel. That time is now.
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #6  June 22,2010, 12:33pm
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he's not seriously injured, so I wouldn't let this be a reason to wait to break up with him. no pity needed. I wouldn't want a guy to wait on breaking up with me over a car accident. just get it over with, IMHO
 
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Mr79percent is offline Mr79percent Post #7  June 22,2010, 12:44pm
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scully98 wrote :
he's not seriously injured, so I wouldn't let this be a reason to wait to break up with him. no pity needed. I wouldn't want a guy to wait on breaking up with me over a car accident. just get it over with, IMHO

Kind of agree. Stress you made the decision early. It's going to bum him out anyway, but it's only been a month so he should be over it sooner. I'd rather have all the bad news now than have it strung out over a longer period of time.
 
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Cape_Codder is offline Cape_Codder Post #8  June 22,2010, 12:52pm

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hankscorpio wrote :
Just kick him while he's down now. Much the same way that getting your toe cut off suddenly seems to make your headache go away, he'll either forget about the car or not particularly care about you dumping him. Either way waiting just will make him unhappy over a longer period of time.
Just do it!
 
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amused_n_confused is offline amused_n_confused Post #9  June 22,2010, 2:33pm
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Thanks, guys.

I pretty much figured I shouldn't drag it out for too long too. I am all about being honest with guys and don't like wasting their time if I don't feel like it's going to work out.

I guess it's a bigger deal to me since I don't often get this close to a guy before figuring things out. It took me much longer than usual to figure out that there is no spark on my end because he is such a great guy. We never officially declared exclusivity, but he has stopped seeing other people and I can't handle dating more than one guy at once.

Despite the fact that he's just been in a car accident, he's still been sending me sweet and funny texts yesterday and today, so I am finding it really hard to write this e-mail. It's a necessary evil though, so I will probably send it later tonight.

I would love to remain friends with him, but I can also see how that might not be feasible .
 
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howardtheduck is offline howardtheduck Post #10  June 22,2010, 5:11pm
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nope, nail him!
 
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