looking4answer is offline looking4answer Post #1  June 21,2010, 6:57pm
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I have been on eharmony awhile. I have seen this numerous times when I get to open communication.

I will initially start open communication and ask some basic questions and just get an answer back then I will ask another question and just get an answer back.

Why doesnt she ask questions back?

If she wasnt interested in me then why even bother to get to open communication.

Women....
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #2  June 21,2010, 7:02pm
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I could say the same thing about a few of my matches.


Men,,,
 
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TooMuchLomi is offline TooMuchLomi Post #3  June 21,2010, 7:10pm
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Though your question is rather ambiguous, I will do my best to help you understand why you are having issues.

First of all, just because a woman doesn't ask you any questions does not mean she isn't showing some interest. If there was no interest, she would not be talking to you at all. If she answers your questions, she is interested... there is no way to put this more plainly.

The onus is on you as the man to guide the way, if you are unwilling or unable to do so, you lose out. In this day and age women can and will do everything a man does in their professional and social life, however when it comes to romance... women EXPECT to be led.

My suggestion is to try and start a conversation with a woman, rather than just listing off a bunch of questions repeatedly. Ask some questions that will glean you enough information to do so and take it from there.
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #4  June 21,2010, 7:19pm
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TooMuchLomi wrote :
My suggestion is to try and start a conversation with a woman, rather than just listing off a bunch of questions repeatedly. Ask some questions that will glean you enough information to do so and take it from there.
In person, hint hint.
 
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VB_Girl is offline VB_Girl Post #5  June 21,2010, 7:49pm
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looking4answer wrote :
I have been on eharmony awhile. I have seen this numerous times when I get to open communication.

I will initially start open communication and ask some basic questions and just get an answer back then I will ask another question and just get an answer back.

Why doesnt she ask questions back?

If she wasnt interested in me then why even bother to get to open communication.

Women....
I concur with livenlearn, it goes both ways.

Definitely get the conversation going by telling her a little about yourself (where you grew up, a little about your job, etc.) rather than just asking individual questions.

Whenever I get individual questions, I end up feeling like I am forced to take the lead in getting to know the other person.
 
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Northguy is offline Northguy Post #6  June 21,2010, 8:22pm
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I'm starting to think the way you understand how the dating reasoning system works, you first must be able to round up cats on horseback.
Just keep asking questions and sooner or later she will either ask questions back or close match you. And try to do like linenlearn said and meet her in person.
 
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Mr79percent is offline Mr79percent Post #7  June 21,2010, 8:23pm
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VB_Girl wrote :
I concur with livenlearn, it goes both ways.

Definitely get the conversation going by telling her a little about yourself (where you grew up, a little about your job, etc.) rather than just asking individual questions.

Whenever I get individual questions, I end up feeling like I am forced to take the lead in getting to know the other person.
At the same time...don't recite a biography.

It would be great if feedback were possible where we could determine when interest is lost, but ultimately we can only look at our own experiences. I think in more than 50% of my cases though the BBD came along (bigger, better deal)...another match I was more interested in combined with second guessing my interest to begin with. Eventually BBD falls to another BBD..who falls to another BBD etc...and the churn continues.
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope Post #8  June 21,2010, 8:30pm
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TooMuchLomi wrote :
The onus is on you as the man to guide the way...try and start a conversation with a woman, rather than just listing off a bunch of questions repeatedly.
I agree. Bringing up common interests, etc...

TooMuchLomi wrote :
when it comes to romance... women EXPECT to be led.
You know, like the blind leading the blind.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #9  June 21,2010, 8:34pm
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VB_Girl wrote :
Definitely get the conversation going by telling her a little about yourself (where you grew up, a little about your job, etc.)
No, you definitely don't want to do that. That's just forced, idle chit-chat. Which you can save for when you meet in person. (That is your goal, isn't it?)

So asking questions doesn't work. Your matches are basically telling you this. Why are you ignoring the message? By the time you get to OC, you should pretty much know whether you want to meet, or not. Playing "20 Questions" or "pen-pal" really isn't going to change that.

The only questions you should ask are to resolve possible red-flags in the profile or the previous communications.

I have found that an effective first OC message follows this template.

1. Thank the match for completing GC with you.
2. A comment or question about the profile or previous communications.
3. This exact statement: "Looking forward to meeting you."

The response to this message was pretty much always that yes, the match wanted to meet too. So far, no one has ever demanded to exchange more messages, other than to set up the meeting. It really is surprising how well this basic, confident, to-the-point approach works.

wrote :
Whenever I get individual questions, I end up feeling like I am forced to take the lead in getting to know the other person.
When I get questions (if the match is the one who starts OC), I pretty much ignore them. I reply with my standard first message. I might answer questions that truly seem important.

Remember, the goal is to meet your matches. Not to "get to know them" through email, which can't be done in any meaningful way. What you get to know, is what you think the other person might be... and that's usually not accurate.
 
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VB_Girl is offline VB_Girl Post #10  June 21,2010, 8:37pm
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Mr79percent wrote :
At the same time...don't recite a biography.

It would be great if feedback were possible where we could determine when interest is lost, but ultimately we can only look at our own experiences. I think in more than 50% of my cases though the BBD came along (bigger, better deal)...another match I was more interested in combined with second guessing my interest to begin with. Eventually BBD falls to another BBD..who falls to another BBD etc...and the churn continues.
Yep, don't need your life story, just something we can talk about.
 
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