HappyHopeful is offline HappyHopeful Post #1  June 21,2010, 6:47am
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I met this guy a couple of months ago and we've been continually hanging out. He has a lot going on in his life, but we have grown to be incredible friends. We discussed being friends only because of everything that has been going on. When we are together, we have a lot of fun and talk for hours about anything & everything. Seemingly, we never run out of things to talk about- about family, friends, experiences, life, etc.

Recently, we hung out and things seemed to blossom out of the blue. I didn't do anything different and he out of the blue kissed me. It was completely all him. We did have a great time flirting and having a good time together. I've never pressured him at all; just was being myself.

He has told his friends & family about me; which is a big compliment; as I have as well. He reminds me how incredible I am all the time.

We have grown emotionally closer and he had mentioned that his feelings towards me is changing in a very positive way. He officially called what we are doing as "dating." Like I said, we started out as friends and so when we hung out I never thought of it as a date directly - even though for the most part he paid. He plans things to do with me in the future and has asked me out again. Which is very positive!

I don't want to read into things, but I am getting excited because I think this has real potential. Just takes time. It seems like when one of us is thinking of the other ...that person is too.

One of the puzzling things I noticed is that he has logged on the site that we had met on. I just logged on because it said I had 6 emails and his profile popped up on my matches and said he had been on today. I can also assume like I logged on maybe he had emails. My profile is hidden, because I just don't have the time to put into a lot of dating right now and was getting burned out; if anyone knows what I mean. I got emails from men I had been in touch with in the past.

As I said, we are just dating and not in a relationship. So we both have the right to look. I do really feel good about this situation even with him logging on.

At what point will a guy stop logging on if he has found something he wants? I'm not the jealous type and in fact, if he wouldn't be happy with me I'd want him to find something he wants. I always feel that it is only the right thing to give the other person you care about. I genuinely just want him to be happy with whomever.

If anyone has had this experience, maybe you can provide some incite.

Thanks!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #2  June 21,2010, 7:31am
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I will provide some insight for you. When you discuss being exclusive and you BOTH agree that is what you both want then you can expect that you will both get off of dating sites. At the moment any sort of relationship beyond being friends is a fantasy in your mind alone.

And why are you asking "At what point will a guy stop logging on if he has found something he wants?" when you logged into your dating site profile? He may well be asking the same question as to when you will stop logging onto the dating site if you had found a guy that you want.
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #3  June 21,2010, 3:21pm
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He is not sure yet if he wants you which is possibly why he kissed you to see if the kiss did anything for him.

He may have read something different in your response to him kissing you than you said on here as if you didnt like it and are not interested.

You two really need to sit down and talk about your relationship...do you want to be friends or pursue something more.

Him logging into the website would be more of a concern if you guys had been steadily going for a while.

You know he could have logged in to end or put a hold on his account.
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #4  June 21,2010, 3:26pm
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ami1uwant wrote :
You know he could have logged in to end or put a hold on his account.
Yup, at this point, you don't have enough information to make anything but a kneejerk decision. Frankly, he could write pretty much the exact same post about you.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #5  June 21,2010, 3:30pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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People express this type of concern fairly regularly here. They always have a justification as to why they are logging onto a dating site.... but are always suspicious of why the other person is doing so.

My advice is to talk with him about this, though you might feel uncomfortable doing so.
 
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jayhawkgirl is offline jayhawkgirl Post #6  June 21,2010, 3:44pm
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Gr8guy and JayJay, the difference is that she has hidden her profile (so she's no longer advertising herself as available), while his profile is obviously visible (or else she wouldn't be able to tell that he's active on it).

I understand what you're saying and agree to a point, but it would have more validity, IMO, if her profile were still visible, like his.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #7  June 21,2010, 3:50pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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jayhawkgirl wrote :
Gr8guy and JayJay, the difference is that she has hidden her profile (so she's no longer advertising herself as available), while his profile is obviously visible (or else she wouldn't be able to tell that he's active on it).

I understand what you're saying and agree to a point, but it would have more validity, IMO, if her profile were still visible, like his.
Her profile is hidden.....so she can read (and respond to?) messages from people she has previously had contact with... while no one else can tell she has logged on. I'm not sure if that's 'better' or 'worse' than leaving the profile unhidden. The people who post here always assure us they have clean hands.... while it's the other person who is suspect. Just sayin.
 
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howardtheduck is offline howardtheduck Post #8  June 21,2010, 4:58pm
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Window shopping is harmless. If you can see an attractive man on the street and say, he is nice looking, and nothing more, it may something as simple as that. You may want to ask him, or you may want to firm up dating to an exclusive status, in which case, there is more reason to demand an answer.
 
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morningsunlight is offline morningsunlight Post #9  June 21,2010, 5:35pm
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You guys are just starting. If both like each other romantically, I think you have a great chance of a long-term commitment, because you know each other well as friends. But you don't want to rush. Slow down. Be happy with yourself. Confident. Never ask him the dating site thing before proceeding a bit more with him. If you bring up about it now, you may sound jealous. Just impress with him how great to be with you by being yourself, rather than worrying about other women.

I have good male friends that I initially met at dating sites. I never want to date them, but never want to lose them either because they are really good friends. Dating sites are very social and can be good places for both sexes to casually say hello and make friends, too. He already proved himself for being just platonic friends with you for a long time. It is natural to think that he would have other friends online. Some people develop a big social network in these sites and I imagine it would be difficult to cut everything out. But that may not mean that he wants to date all these ladies.
 
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