gracie00 is offline gracie00 Post #1  June 21,2010, 2:48am
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I've liked this guy at work for a few months and there has been some mutual discreet flirting. At a recent work show the mutual attraction was obvious. He kissed me at the venue although stating prior he was concerned about becoming fodder for the office rumour mill, we went home together. He is currently out of town on business. He's single but still responds to his ex's texts (she wants him back) his position is it's never going to happen. Since our shared night he has responded to my contacts and always very quickly. He has spoken about meeting again soon with some of his friends and including a sleepover at my place but the one sided contact bothers me. He has said that in the past he has rushed in to relationships and it's never worked out. Should I just relax and go with the flow, conclude he's just not that into me, or still hung up on his ex?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #2  June 21,2010, 5:28am
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NEVER DATE SOMEONE YOU WORK WITH!!! NEVER, NEVER, NEVER!!!
 
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Northern_Gal is offline Northern_Gal Post #3  June 21,2010, 5:38am
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I agree - it can become a very bad, bad idea very quickly. Are you prepared to get a new job if your proposed relationship does not work? Also, quite a few companies frown on that, so the possibility exists that you may need a new job anyways....depends where you work.
 
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ThePriestess is offline ThePriestess Post #4  June 21,2010, 5:51am
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Unless they're hawt.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #5  June 21,2010, 10:03am
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gracie00 wrote :
I've liked this guy at work for a few months and there has been some mutual discreet flirting. At a recent work show the mutual attraction was obvious. He kissed me at the venue although stating prior he was concerned about becoming fodder for the office rumour mill, we went home together. He is currently out of town on business. He's single but still responds to his ex's texts (she wants him back) his position is it's never going to happen. Since our shared night he has responded to my contacts and always very quickly. He has spoken about meeting again soon with some of his friends and including a sleepover at my place but the one sided contact bothers me. He has said that in the past he has rushed in to relationships and it's never worked out. Should I just relax and go with the flow, conclude he's just not that into me, or still hung up on his ex?
Gracie there are a lot of mixed messages here:
-he's worried about the office rumor mill so he kisses you at work?
-he responds to his ex but he doesn't want to get back with her?
-he talks about future meetings but you're initiating all the contact?

I would not put any eggs in this basket I think! I think he's confused, possibly still involved with the ex, and playing with fire (work relationship). He may or may not be into you, hard to tell.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #6  June 21,2010, 10:11am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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From the sounds of it the two of you aren't 'dating'. You're just having the occasional get together for sex.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #7  June 21,2010, 2:59pm
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I strongly disagree with the negativity expressed toward relationships in the work place. At all the decent employers I've had, there were a number of couples, and nothing adverse ever happened.

That said, I would consider your corporate culture, and conduct only relationship forms which are compliant with those practiced by senior management. If your culture is relatively conservative, and your managers are predominantly in long-standing marriages, then your uncertain "friend with benefit" is a riskier choice.

I would not hesitate to have an office relationship - provided it was in the form of a discrete, exclusive dating, and either intended toward marriage or a long term situation. I would also limit myself to professionals at minimum of my own rank, who I judged as able to keep their emotions under control (which I do anyway.)

Realistically, there are too few good people to begin with, and the work place is most of those I meet, so not considering this is to miss too many possibilities.

The situation you describe, with what I see as somewhat impulsive choices, and possible unpredictability via an ex-partner, serve to introduce an additional layer of risk.
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #8  June 21,2010, 3:30pm
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I dont have an issue with dating through work...provided (1)you arent going after a superior/subordinate, (2) you dont work together day in and day out as part of the same team, and (3) you need to separate work and home life and need to be discreet and if this is something special are either one of you willing to change jobs and work someplace else.


If you work for a larger employer where you happened to meet this person for a special project and your paths have never crossed then its more safer to date.

Him talking to the ex...does he have kids with her...if he does then she aint going anywhere in terms of him talking to her. If she is texting him and they dont have kids or are going through divorce or settling estate stuff then you need to be concerned and find out if he is over her.
 
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gracie00 is offline gracie00 Post #9  June 22,2010, 1:51am
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Hi to all and thanks for your repiles, certainly food for thought. We work in separate areas with no line management responsibilities to each other. He doesn't have children with this person, she cheated on him and he left. I think they were together about a year.
As far as the firm goes, there have been many people who have met, dated, broken up and some married co workers of the same level.
I am professional in my conduct and believe I can continue to be. I am concerned about his response to me when he returns as people will be interested. I'm hoping he'll be the same as before, no more attention or less than he gives anyone else but I am afraid he'll be dismissive and I won't be able to adequately mask my disappointment.
 
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gracie00 is offline gracie00 Post #10  June 22,2010, 1:56am
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ThePriestess wrote :
Unless they're hawt.
Maybe not to the rest of the world but to me he's smokin hawt!
 
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