Did i get led on by this chick, NEVER FELT LIKE THIS!!?


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SpecWolf is offline SpecWolf Post #1  June 20,2010, 8:11pm
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Ok, So I met this girl in the coffee shop I played at for 2 years, and we both knew we liked each other be she had a b/f (which she wound up telling me he never really liked him, and that she liked me). To shorten things up, we finally hooked yup (im 28, shes 26) it was great, she and I were both happy... I thought she was out of my league, shes beautiful.. But she didnt want to put a "title" on it, we are hooking (heavy make out sessions) and she is telling me how much sh really likes me.. I ask her to be my g/f after 3 weeks.. She says "i dont want things to change but its to early" I was confused... Anyway, things def changed but not for a while.. actually she started spending the night at my apt fri-mon for almost 2 months.. We had sex after a month, wasnt very good.(condoms, and she wanted it to be special and we both rushed it cause we were so attracted to eachother)... Anyway she started acting diff, I would ask her why, and she would say "im scaring her away"... she lived 40 mins away... she came down on the weekends to help her mom out at the coffe shop... she would always act different when she went home... it took her a long time to introduce me to her friends, and she said I was just a friend of hers... anyway... One morning she called me up and said "sometimes I think I say things cause you wanna here it"... that night she calls me and says" shes 100% ready to be my g/f but she needs to be 110%", the next day she says shes at 105% ..then she acts diff ... no making out, it was a chore to kiss her... i ask her why and she says "im overwhelming her" and she breaks it off.... and im crushed cause i was just starting to catch strong feelings and it happen so quik... Was she leading me on?? oh and I was and still am great friends with her mom and her older brother, and became kinda close to some of her friends....I dont deny that she def liked me alot, she wouldnt just hhok up with anyone... shes a very intelligent girl 2 degrees... and im 27 nwith my own place.. no car right now, very talented musician..finishing up school..... now were not even talking cause I was bugging her and she needs space... i miss her and im crushed..... what happened???
 
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yeahitsme is offline yeahitsme Post #2  June 20,2010, 8:23pm
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She was looking around for better offers while still keeping you on the line incase one didn't come along. Its hard to hear, but I think that's what happened.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #3  June 20,2010, 9:09pm
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SpecWolf wrote :
--snip
she didnt want to put a "title" on it
...
She says "i dont want things to change but its to early"
...
"im scaring her away"
...
she said I was just a friend of hers
...
"sometimes I think I say things cause you wanna here it"
...
"im overwhelming her"
At best she gave you mixed messages I think. It sounds like she was ambivalent; who knows why. How long after she broke with her ex did you start going out? It may have been too soon.

Is it possible you did or said things that might have been overwhelming to her?

Sorry it has not worked out, it's painful ...
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #4  June 20,2010, 10:27pm
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You pushed things too much in the relationship and spooked her. She gave you a lot of warnings about it, but you didn't listen. Best thing now is to back off, give her space and do your own thing. Give her a chance to miss you and come back to you. If/when she does, then take it easy on her. I think she's just afraid of being hurt and doesn't wanna rush things.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  June 21,2010, 3:54am
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Agree with robv_la on this. Sounds like she gave you plenty of warning that you are pushing for too much too fast and suffocating her a bit, but you weren't listening so she finally backed away completely. Definitely give her space and maybe it can all be revisited a bit later down the road.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #6  June 21,2010, 4:47am

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you were the rebound guy.

but you knew that, didn't you?
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #7  June 21,2010, 4:58am
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She was just using you for the sex but you wanted more out of it than she did.
 
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Johnnyguitarman is offline Johnnyguitarman Post #8  June 21,2010, 5:13am
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robv_la wrote :
You pushed things too much in the relationship and spooked her. She gave you a lot of warnings about it, but you didn't listen. Best thing now is to back off, give her space and do your own thing. Give her a chance to miss you and come back to you. If/when she does, then take it easy on her. I think she's just afraid of being hurt and doesn't wanna rush things.
I agree with this as would like to add that you put her off by being too keen, too needy, too much pressure. Women don't like this because it makes the man look weak, insecure, unconfident and inexperienced with women. She thinks you are a boy when she really wants a self-confident man. You should have given her the gift of missing you, made her chase you a bit. What you have done is driven her away by being a "wuss". Classic mistake that a lot of men make these days. Look up what a few dating gurus have to say on this subject and you will learn a lot.

never ever pressurise a girl to be your girlfriend.

Stop contacting her, now. However, I fear it is too late, you have blown it, destroyed any attraction she had for you. Your only chance with her is to date other women and make sure she knows about it (but not in an obvious needy way).
 
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SpecWolf is offline SpecWolf Post #9  June 21,2010, 8:17am
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Sassafras54 wrote :
At best she gave you mixed messages I think. It sounds like she was ambivalent; who knows why. How long after she broke with her ex did you start going out? It may have been too soon.

Is it possible you did or said things that might have been overwhelming to her?

Sorry it has not worked out, it's painful ...
She had broken up with him for 6 months, but she said she didn't even like him she tried to make it it work (i never understood this).. But she was crushed by this different guy a few years ago, she said she thought he was "the one" and he left her for another girl out of no where with no warning after her family helped him through a very trying time..........I just don't get it, she came off a such a nice girl, def had a different side that I never thought Id see, a lot different from the coffee shop girl i was used too....but i liked it, it was kind of sexy, didnt expect it... her version of hooking up was "making out"...I just dont know what to do, I wanna give it another try and show her I can be less clingy and all that.. IVE NEVER BEEN CLINGY BEFORE...this girl was different
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #10  June 21,2010, 8:29am
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Well....the first step to showing her that you are not clingy is to actually give her some space for a couple of weeks and then having an adult conversation about possibly getting back together but on different terms from before if she is willing to listen.
 
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