To find out what he is looking for..


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Amarok is offline Amarok Post #1  June 20,2010, 7:41pm
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My friends think that it is safe to ask the guy what his expectations are (casual sex only, wanting to find a relationship) so that I don't get caught up investing in feelings. Is this really a good idea?

Plus I thought his comment of 'I hope you'll like me' was cute. I never heard that from a guy before so I'm taking that as a good sign (unless my senses are completely off again). We've been texting over a month, some phone calls, lots of him taking pictures of himself (nice ones!) while on the road working. We are meeting for the first time tomorrow. I remember one conversation where he said this is all new for him as he's never felt this way before but it feels great for him (I guess I'm wowing the guy already! Hahaha). Who knows...all I can do is hope there is truth behind it...

So what say you friends? What type of questions should I ask to get a feel of what he is looking for without sounding desperate? (One day I'll get this right....) Thanks!
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #2  June 20,2010, 8:09pm
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You will not look desperate asking what he is looking for. Just ask. I am surprised you already haven't.
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #3  June 20,2010, 8:38pm
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From my experience...you never know until you meet in person. It doesnt matter how well phone chat has been you have to see face to face.

What I would have suggested is you limit your conversations with him this past week so you would have topics to talk about because besides looks, dead conversation is one of the biggest reasons for first date failure.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #4  June 20,2010, 9:23pm
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Asking is fine but with someone you don't yet know it's better to look at what he does.

Good luck tomorrow! Have fun.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #5  June 21,2010, 12:37am
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I woudl say pay attention to his actions, not ask him. Words are cheap and anybody can say anything they want ~ but how they act will never lie to you.

I agree that you can never know until you meet in person - so to me you can't really conclude yet what this is or how it will go. That's not to say it won't be a great connection when you do meet. It just means ~ wait til you meet, hopefully a couple of times or a few times, to see what's there and not.

I hope it goes well! Enjoy!
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Jojoushi is offline Jojoushi Post #6  June 21,2010, 12:55am
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Amarok wrote :
My friends think that it is safe to ask the guy what his expectations are (casual sex only, wanting to find a relationship) so that I don't get caught up investing in feelings. Is this really a good idea?

Plus I thought his comment of 'I hope you'll like me' was cute. I never heard that from a guy before so I'm taking that as a good sign (unless my senses are completely off again). We've been texting over a month, some phone calls, lots of him taking pictures of himself (nice ones!) while on the road working. We are meeting for the first time tomorrow. I remember one conversation where he said this is all new for him as he's never felt this way before but it feels great for him (I guess I'm wowing the guy already! Hahaha). Who knows...all I can do is hope there is truth behind it...

So what say you friends? What type of questions should I ask to get a feel of what he is looking for without sounding desperate? (One day I'll get this right....) Thanks!
No there is nothing wrong with asking what you are looking for...in fact I support it very much! Communication is key. Also, if a woman asks that sort of question to me, it signals me that you do care about yourself and this situation between us...so yes by all means I do approve to you asking him what he's looking for.

But you ask how you should do it without sounding desperate? I honestly can't answer that for you...I have my own way of asking a woman what she's looking for...and the impulses between the way men and women react to questions aren't very similar...

And are your senses off regarding this guy? Only time will tell...don't be thrown off TOO much by words...as both of you are in your cloud 9 phase in the beginning as most couples are ; and it seems you are in your "innocent transitional phase." Meaning the smallest words will swoon both of you which seems to be happening right now based off your post.

Then over time you both will find quirks about each other you may not find desirable and might even find each other's company a burden depending on how much you two really care about each other.

Just keep your guard up....

.....sadly you don't have a crystal ball to see whether he's being fake with you or not. If you still feel this way I'd say about..maybe 6-10 months after your initial feelings I'd say you're off to a somewhat decent start.

I know you're happy right now and my post may sound cynical and pessimistic, but I just dont' want you to come back quoting my post saying "You were right."

Just looking out for you.
Last edited by Jojoushi; June 21,2010 at 12:59am.
 
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mysticflower is offline mysticflower Post #7  June 21,2010, 5:12am
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Men (or women, for that matter) will tell you one thing when you ask what they expect from the relationship, and it will usually be the more polite or socially acceptable answer. Would a guy tell you the truth as in "I'll date you a few times until I get you in bed then never call or see you again." Of course not! If you really want to see what a guy's intentions are, pay careful attention to what he does and date him for 2-3 months without throwing sex into the situation. If he cares about you as a person and wants to have a committed relationship, he'll stick around.
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Amarok is offline Amarok Post #8  June 21,2010, 7:34am
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Thanks you guys! I am really hoping that this one works out and doesn't wind up with another empty promise of a second date that never happens which really I don't get. I'm scared, excited, and hate to say it...a little pessimistic based on what's been happening so far. He leaves again on Wednesday for another two weeks and supposedly we are to get together again ( I really want to cement a date though so I know when he gets in). This after we haven't even met yet. haha.

I really want to believe that I'll take his heart (or really likes what he hears/sees) once we see each other. I'm stupid, I know...or a hopeless romantic. I'll see what he says to that question. Take it at face value...
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #9  June 21,2010, 9:34am
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Oh ... everybody wants to have a fabulous first date, and fall in love! lol. Not stupid.

Just have fun, stay aware of how it feels to be with him. Good luck!
 
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Amarok is offline Amarok Post #10  June 21,2010, 9:37am
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Thanks Sassafras! Ooooohhh just wait until 5pm rolls around... I pick him up from the airport....hahahaha....the nerves will be on full blast (as will my AC!)

You guys are amazeballs as always!
 
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