Best way to ask if you are exclusive....


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froggy1 is offline froggy1 Post #1  June 20,2010, 7:11pm
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Ok..so this guy makes it a point to tell me.."My 3 month eHarmony subscription just expired and I am not renewing". I don't think I should assume that it means that he is not dating anyone else..so what is the best way to bring it up?
 
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chemgal is offline chemgal Post #2  June 20,2010, 8:16pm
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froggy1 wrote :
Ok..so this guy makes it a point to tell me.."My 3 month eHarmony subscription just expired and I am not renewing". I don't think I should assume that it means that he is not dating anyone else..so what is the best way to bring it up?
I would suggest that the best way to follow up that question would have been a "So, does that mean you're not interested in dating anyone else?" or similar. Since the moment has passed, you could reference the previous statement and add a follow up question like that.

It's theoretically possible that the guy simply felt like e-Harmony was wasting his money, but him mentioning it to you implies to me that he wants exclusivity.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #3  June 20,2010, 9:24pm
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He also may have wanted to know whether you're keeping your account active.
 
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TooMuchLomi is offline TooMuchLomi Post #4  June 20,2010, 9:40pm
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It either means that he is probing you about exclusivity, or he is probing to see if you have deactivated your account. Being a man, I can tell you that the most logical reason for a guy doing something, is usually the reason. Likewise, the simplest solution to any problem is usually the correct one... so just bring it up casually when you two are hanging out having fun.

"Sooo... I was thinking about what you said the other night about not renewing your eHarmony account."
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #5  June 20,2010, 10:34pm
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Yep, he told you that because he kinda wants to just date you, but doesn't want to pressure you into it.

Sounds like you want to just date him too...so just ask him why he's not renewing...what does that mean in terms of his feelings for you?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  June 21,2010, 5:37am
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froggy1 wrote :
OK..so this guy makes it a point to tell me.."My 3 month eHarmony subscription just expired and I am not renewing". I don't think I should assume that it means that he is not dating anyone else..so what is the best way to bring it up?
I have to disagree with some of the others on the meaning of his statement. It only means that he is not renewing his eHarmony subscription. Just look at all the posts here on the Advice boards of people who are dissatisfied with eHarmony and say they are not going to renew their subscription.

As for exclusivity, you are not in an exclusive relationship until you have discussed being exclusive and you BOTH agree that is what you want. You both also need to have a clear understanding of what you each expect exclusive to mean. You can bring up this subject by simply asking if the person wants to be exclusive, if you are exclusive or similar type question. Never assume that you are exclusive.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #7  June 21,2010, 5:40am
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I wouldnt mess with ambiguous statements or read anything into them. I would totally ignore it like it was never said because I would be annoyed with it. If he wants exclusivity he can ask
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  June 21,2010, 5:56am
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Nanette wrote :
I wouldnt mess with ambiguous statements or read anything into them. I would totally ignore it like it was never said because I would be annoyed with it. If he wants exclusivity he can ask
Or she can.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #9  June 21,2010, 6:06am
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Why should she? He's the one dropping hints. Guys always say just be direct. Dont be hypocrtical
 
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chemgal is offline chemgal Post #10  June 21,2010, 10:31am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
I have to disagree with some of the others on the meaning of his statement. It only means that he is not renewing his eHarmony subscription. Just look at all the posts here on the Advice boards of people who are dissatisfied with eHarmony and say they are not going to renew their subscription.
Fair enough, but what would be the point of announcing that unless it was followed by a comment regarding not liking a particular aspect of the site? It's a very leading comment, and it seems unlikely he'd make it if he wasn't hoping to segue into a conversation about either exclusivity or the merits/pitfalls of online dating.

Obviously, the OP can't assume they're exclusive yet because the actual exclusivity discussion didn't happen.
 
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