annother is offline annother Post #1  June 19,2010, 5:01pm
annother's Avatar

Sage

Joined: Apr 2010

Alberta

Posts: 10,735

See profile

I am in correspondence with two matches, both of whom are charming in their own ways and also less-than-perfect for me but very good company.

The first is a retired linguist and amateur jazz saxophone player who lives two days drive from me. We have been Skype-ing and emailing on-and-off for two years. We met in person for the first time this spring. When I arrived he was very drunk, but we enjoyed the following two days together sightseeing and chatting. I love where he lives (a coastal city) and would consider relocating there when I retire in a few years. Not to live with him, necessarily, but just as a nice place to retire.

The second match is a retired tradesman who lives most of the time in an RV and on his boat. He has a lot of rural affiliations and lives 2 1/2 hours drive from me. After we were matched, we met for drinks and had a second date on his boat on a local lake. We got along really well. In spite of the fact that we are poles apart politically and educationally, the afternoon went by very quickly. We both enjoyed each other's company a lot.

So, this is my dilemma. I have been online dating for two years and would like to accept one of my matches or give up trying to meet someone through online dating. These are my two best possibilities for a long-term companion. Should I choose one or give up? If I choose one, which one?
 
  Reply With Quote
MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #2  June 19,2010, 5:22pm
MelinCali's Avatar

is moving!

Power Poster

Joined: Nov 2008

Earth

Posts: 8,113

See profile

Really, only you can answer this. We haven't met either of these men, and if we had, it's not like they'd necessarily be what we're looking for.

This is one of those times when you really shouldn't be turning to a bunch of anonymous strangers on the internet to make your life decisions for you since we can't possibly have enough information to tell to you who to pick or to give up.

To me, your three options (guy #1, guy #2 or giving up) all sound like bad choices to make after only a couple dates.
 
  Reply With Quote
ThePriestess is offline ThePriestess Post #3  June 19,2010, 5:51pm
ThePriestess's Avatar

It's a glow-in-the-dark compass ring, so you don't get lost.

Sage

Joined: Apr 2008

Canadian POW held in Florida

Posts: 16,000

See profile

This is why coins were invented.
 
  Reply With Quote
MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #4  June 19,2010, 5:54pm
MelinCali's Avatar

is moving!

Power Poster

Joined: Nov 2008

Earth

Posts: 8,113

See profile

ThePriestess wrote :
This is why coins were invented.
LOL! My first thought was to flip a coin too since there's just no logical way to choose with the information given.
 
  Reply With Quote
winn is offline winn Post #5  June 19,2010, 5:56pm

Please tell me where I can find a normal man???

Unregistered

Joined: Jan 2009

Chilliwack, BC, Canada

Posts: 4,772

See profile

I think if you feel you need to ask the question, then neither of these guys may be the one for you. I know it's tempting but don't settle for less than the best for yourself. I also think, like Mel does, that you shouldn't be asking this question of total strangers. Ask someone who knows you and your needs really well. Better yet, ask someone who has at least met these men once (hopefully more often) before you make decisions.
 
  Reply With Quote
annother is offline annother Post #6  June 19,2010, 5:56pm
annother's Avatar

Sage

Joined: Apr 2010

Alberta

Posts: 10,735

See profile

ok. In that case I give up.
 
  Reply With Quote
MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #7  June 19,2010, 6:01pm
MelinCali's Avatar

is moving!

Power Poster

Joined: Nov 2008

Earth

Posts: 8,113

See profile

annother wrote :
ok. In that case I give up.
If that's your choice, then don't give up -- take a break. Giving up sounds so hopeless. Consider focusing on your own life only for a while and finding happiness alone as much as you can until you feel ready to venture forth again. By then, there should be new matches joined up, so you might have better luck!
 
  Reply With Quote
Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #8  June 19,2010, 9:38pm
Sassafras54's Avatar

Your Community Coordinator

Moderator

Joined: Oct 2009

San Pedro, CA

Posts: 9,080

See profile

I think you should take a little break and regroup.

However! If you're going to choose, I pick guy #2. Here's why: he wasn't drunk when you showed up (that would be the end of things for me); he lives much closer; your description of the time you spent with him was much more lively; personally I think differences in education and politics do not need to be dealbreakers.

Why not date #2 but not exclusively? And keep looking. See what happens, with him, with others?

I do not want you to give up!
 
  Reply With Quote
yeahitsme is offline yeahitsme Post #9  June 19,2010, 10:00pm
yeahitsme's Avatar

is contractually obligated to say yes

Virtuoso

Joined: Mar 2010

Oh, you know, around.

Posts: 2,757

See profile

Take guy number 1. All the way. He's the one. Ditch guy number 2.



Ok, did you process that? Did you feel a huge sense of loss for guy number 2? Were you disappointed in the fact that you would be stuck with guy number 1? Had you wished the answer was going to be different? Based on your gut reaction to the fact that you were going to be with guy 1... you can decide if he was the one for you or not. I guess. Then again, I've only really done this "test" with movies and resturants, I'm not sure how well it pans out with relationships.
 
  Reply With Quote
trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #10  June 20,2010, 1:56am

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2009

London

Posts: 4,703

See profile

Can't you come to some amicable agreement and get both?

They live far apart, are used to only seeing you very infrequently, both have hobbies that take them out of town / consciousness, they might not even notice?

Seriously, I don't see why you have to choose, like Melincali says, meet them a bit more, see which 'takes' and if it's neither of them then take a break for a while.

There's a lot to be said for decision avoidance as a relaxed way of making a decision. One option always floats to the surface after you give it time.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Are There Any Grownups Left??? | Dating | Ok, here's a strange one »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
What martial art would you choose and why nightling Chit Chat 52 June 27,2010 4:12am
Why Men Choose eHarmony coffeeaddiction Using eHarmony 19 March 16,2010 4:14pm
Why do women choose to ignore? ncl Christian Singles 1 February 22,2010 9:12pm
Where would you choose to honeymoon? bravethestorm Travel 15 December 1,2009 9:52am
how do you choose between 2 guys? Falconridge Ask a Dating Expert 7 November 16,2009 5:33pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Sometimes it is better than going on a so-so date just to fill your calendar.” –  sun73

Join the “dreaded free weekend” discussion

“When a man dates women, especially exclusively, who are much more physically attractive, I think he gets exactly what he's asking for and what he deserves - a woman who is not physically attracted to ... ” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “My first "Matchmaker" date” discussion

“Always trust your instincts.” –  sun73

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion

“ I was never into David Cassidy. Now, Shaun Cassidy... loved him! (And he was such a girl, too. So pretty!) I still have his album, too. I think it has my sister's name sticker on it, too. ” –  mitchell175

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion

“I enjoy walking my german shepherd.” –  sun73

Join the “Friday Night Roll Call !!! Sweaty Summer Fun edition!” discussion

“Hmm. I think we are using the term 'preference' differently. Anyway, you can choose 'not important' for everything if you want the widest range of choices possible. If you do that and still don't get ... ” –  mitchell175

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“Seriously? That cloud looks nothing like George Clooney!” –  mitchell175

Join the “Comment to win a FREE month of eHarmony!” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 12:21am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0