ter001 is offline ter001 Post #1  June 19,2010, 5:55am
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My friends say I am too picky. I may be, but I can't even meet anyone to even get asked out or chat with online. I got burned once before and I feel after meeting someone previously through a dating service and then divorced after many many years of marriage to that person. Now my feet are a little cold to the online services, but I am trying. I finally joined eharmony, but I am not getting any interested responses. I have been searching as well on a free webste as well and even have almost to say put a sign on my back by asking my friends if they even know anyone.

I will say at this point and time in my life I am only interested in the LTR and I want to be slow growing. I love my life of doing and going when I want too. I want the relationship with him having his own life and me too, and when we get together it is a great time.

This may sound long-winded, but I can't figure out what the heck I am doing wrong. I can't meet anyone or get the attention of anyone and I am so ready to get on with that part of my life. Help, any suggestions will do?
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #2  June 19,2010, 6:33am
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thinks everyone should just ask themselves, WWBBD?

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Not nearly enough information here to be helpful, I'm afraid. Would need to see photos, profiles, know what you are doing offline (you know, in the real world) to meet people. Clearly, nothing is going to drop into your lap ...just putting a profile on a dating site or 'getting the word out' that you are open to dating isn't going to cut it.

eHarmony gives you matches and there's not a lot you can do about a lack thereof (other than possibly retake your survey) ...far more often, a lack of matches is simply a facet of your location, if you don't live in or near a major metropolitan area, it's a crap-shoot at best.

Free sites (and other pay sites) allow you to search other members and these sometimes provide better results (although you sometimes 'get' what you 'pay' for) since you are able to initiate communication with anyone who *you* might think suits your fancy - as opposed to eHarm's "computer program". Have you initiating any contact on those sites?

Other than that, the only thing I can suggest is to find something else to occupy your mind and body. Stop obssessing over the lack of dating - this is the premise of the old saying, "one will come along when you aren't looking for it". It is possible that you are coming off - in your profile and to your friends - as too needy or desperate, and no one is attracted to that.

Probably others here can offer you some more ideas.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  June 19,2010, 6:33am
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You may wish to get some advice on your profile and photos.

It is critical that you not seem like a "downer" personality on your profile - good people won't bother writing you.

It will often take time (on eHarmony especially.)
 
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roarimaraptor is offline roarimaraptor Post #4  June 19,2010, 6:37am
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D_Lion wrote :
You may wish to get some advice on your profile and photos.

It is critical that you not seem like a "downer" personality on your profile - good people won't bother writing you.

It will often take time (on eHarmony especially.)
I agree on all points. It is hard to meet the right people and takes time to find anyone worth meeting. But it's also hard to say what you're doing wrong (if anything) without seeing your profile, pics, and what kind of emails you're sending out.
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #5  June 19,2010, 8:37am
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Welcome to the boards, ter001.

I'm a bit lost on what you question is. You met and married someone from an online dating service before. And somehow you feel burned?

Are you currently using eHarmony? Another site?
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #6  June 19,2010, 8:56am
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I also agree with what D_Lion wrote.

If your profile reads anything like what you wrote in your post here, your sentence structure leaves a lot to be desired. I can barely understand what you have written.

That, alone, may be why no one writes you back.

You can post your profile on the Using eHarmony forum and will get some very good feedback on ways to improve how you present yourself.
Last edited by Wonderwoman402; June 19,2010 at 1:46pm.
 
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ter001 is offline ter001 Post #7  June 20,2010, 6:04am
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Thank you to all of you for replying. I didn't mean to come off needy, I am by far that. I find myself more to be an independent woman who finds herself in a position of failing to meet new people. I have played the role of intiating or being aggressive of taking the first step. Saying "hello" or trying to strike up a conversation, but they seem not to go to the next step. Playing shy or somewhat hard to get has come across as disinterested. After being married for many years and now being single again for several more I am just ready for the next step. A relationship. But getting started and meeting new people has become a new found struggle. I came to eharmony hoping for a little boost, but it is dragging along just like real world. So that is the reason that prompted this. Any thoughts or ideas to how I can meet new people?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  June 20,2010, 6:52am
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After the workplace and university, the best place by far that I have found for meeting people is the gym.

This is especially the case if you are more comfortable going out with someone you see on a regular basis, and you can speak to / learn about without approaching a complete stranger.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #9  June 20,2010, 9:18am
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The upside to EH is the men you have an opportunity to meet theoretically have a personality that's compatible with yours. Out in RL that's not the case.

I think the best way to meet men IRL is by joining into group activities that (1) interest you, and (2) single men are likely to join.

This creates a low-pressure, non-dating situation where you can get to know men you at least have interests in common with.

It also gives you a larger social network -- women in the group have brothers, friends, cousins, etc for you to meet.

Sierra club outings.
Night classes.
Gym, yoga, co-ed sports teams.
Clubs: books, politics ...
Volunteer jobs: Habitat for Humanity, animal shelters, homeless shelters, land conservancy, de-oiling birds, etc.
 
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