Why do men do such things!


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esweetie is offline esweetie Post #1  June 18,2010, 9:55pm
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So I met a guy online and we were sending emails back and forth everyday for about a week. Then all of a sudden I didn't hear from him. I waited a week then sent another email to say hi. After about another week he responses to my email and mentions that he wants to chat on the phone. (Doesn't come out and ask for my number, but I can read between the lines.) Now I'm a little confused. I don't hear from you for almost two weeks, pretty much was starting to forget you, then you reappear? Now I get that we are on an online dating site and he was probably talking to other matches or other women offline or doing something else, as was I. But is this common for men to just become MIA and then reappear and act like nothing has happen? I don't expect him to give me and explaination for his disappearance because we just met and I am thrilled that he wants us to chat on the phone so we can get to know each other better, but I'm still confused as to why men do such things?
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #2  June 18,2010, 10:04pm
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Its common for BOTH SEXES to do this.

The reason they do it are various and broad.

Some are legit reason like they dissappear because of work or taking a vacation.

Usually the reeason they disappear --especialywhen meeting someone online---is because they are talking to other people than just you and they likely opted to date someone else and see how that goes. So you become option B that they are interested in but this other relationship is going faster so they pursue that but they dont want to eliminate you by losing you because they are going to date someone else because when meeting online you really never know until you are face to face what will happen.

There are also times when people could just plan forget. Accidents happen For example, and this has happened to m, where through EHarmony free weekends I may get emails of some 5 women to start talking to online and see what happens and one sends me an email that is detail oriented that I didnt have the time then to answer but then I forget to reply to it so I in essence dissappear.

Dont ever assume you are the only one he is talking to you right now because that generally isnt this case no matter what he says. Women do that too.
 
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TinkerKat is offline TinkerKat Post #3  June 18,2010, 10:09pm
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What I've learned from online dating and from these boards its that it's all a numbers game. He may have been on vacation or chatting with other matches. Talk to him on the phone, then meet as soon as possible.

I do think it's common for either gender to be MIA while talking to other matches. I wouldn't sweat it.

Hope it works out for you.
 
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TinkerKat is offline TinkerKat Post #4  June 18,2010, 10:13pm
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ami1uwant wrote :
Its common for BOTH SEXES to do this.

The reason they do it are various and broad.

Some are legit reason like they dissappear because of work or taking a vacation.

Usually the reeason they disappear --especialywhen meeting someone online---is because they are talking to other people than just you and they likely opted to date someone else and see how that goes. So you become option B that they are interested in but this other relationship is going faster so they pursue that but they dont want to eliminate you by losing you because they are going to date someone else because when meeting online you really never know until you are face to face what will happen.

There are also times when people could just plan forget. Accidents happen For example, and this has happened to m, where through EHarmony free weekends I may get emails of some 5 women to start talking to online and see what happens and one sends me an email that is detail oriented that I didnt have the time then to answer but then I forget to reply to it so I in essence dissappear.

Dont ever assume you are the only one he is talking to you right now because that generally isnt this case no matter what he says. Women do that too.
You explained it so much better than me. Thank you!
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #5  June 18,2010, 10:14pm
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Remember until you meet each other he's just some guy on the internet. He doesn't really owe you anything. If after you meet in person, he's hard to stay in contact with, that's a different story.

P.S. I bet the guys will come on here and say women do this too ...
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #6  June 18,2010, 10:15pm
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Also, you haven't just *met* because you haven't met at all. Everything before that is just pleasant talk, especially when it's of such a short duration.

There's potential and there's reality. It's not good to mistake one for the other.
 
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Johnnyguitarman is offline Johnnyguitarman Post #7  June 18,2010, 10:35pm
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ami1uwant wrote :
Its common for BOTH SEXES to do this.

The reason they do it are various and broad.

Some are legit reason like they dissappear because of work or taking a vacation.

Usually the reeason they disappear --especialywhen meeting someone online---is because they are talking to other people than just you and they likely opted to date someone else and see how that goes. So you become option B that they are interested in but this other relationship is going faster so they pursue that but they dont want to eliminate you by losing you because they are going to date someone else because when meeting online you really never know until you are face to face what will happen.

There are also times when people could just plan forget. Accidents happen For example, and this has happened to m, where through EHarmony free weekends I may get emails of some 5 women to start talking to online and see what happens and one sends me an email that is detail oriented that I didnt have the time then to answer but then I forget to reply to it so I in essence dissappear.

Dont ever assume you are the only one he is talking to you right now because that generally isnt this case no matter what he says. Women do that too.
My thoughts exactly, and women do exactly this too. "Why do women do such things?"

When you are just chatting online to someone, don't take it too seriously, or at all! It means nothing until you meet someone in person, and even then.......
 
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Johnnyguitarman is offline Johnnyguitarman Post #8  June 18,2010, 10:36pm
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Sassafras54 wrote :
-snip-

P.S. I bet the guys will come on here and say women do this too ...
That is because they do!
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #9  June 18,2010, 11:07pm
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Why does anyone do such things? You can drive yourself crazy asking the universe to make sense and justify itself. Sometimes people disappear, maybe they hooked up with someone else, maybe they just got busy or couldn't be bothered keeping up with emails for a while.
It's not polite but then manners are pretty much out the window these days, the culture of self absorption and self interest, of me me me and to hell with you if you don't like it. I'm guilty of my share of that.
You could make the argument that until you've actually met and started dating each other that you don't actually owe anything to each other, you're just random blips on a computer screen.

After a certain amount of time has gone by it can be awkward to get back in touch because the silence has gone on too long and any explanation will sound lame, one way around that is to pretend it didn't happen and see the other person as needy or desperate if they make an issue of it, dump the blame on them and walk away sparkling clean and guilt free.
Last edited by gothustartus; June 18,2010 at 11:11pm.
 
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beautifulgenius is offline beautifulgenius Post #10  June 18,2010, 11:23pm
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All I can say is just be careful. Online dating is not for the faint of heart. I've learned that lesson more times, and there are no guarantees. Keep your heart protected until you know for sure that the one person you've been looking for is also true to you. But as others have already said, and more will concur, that things do happen on both sides that probably shouldn't and if you feel that something just isn't right, it's best to go on that gut feeling, rather than just to hope that whatever that problem is will just go away. You never know who you will run into.

There are some good ones, you just have to know what you are looking for, sort of like diamonds in the rough.

Good luck!!
 
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