Inked4evr is offline Inked4evr Post #1  June 18,2010, 3:15pm
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I have emailing,texting and talking on the phone with a match for about a week and a half. It has been going very well we have a lot of things in common, don't struggle when talking etc. We emailed a few times and then I suggested talking on the phone or just continuing email and she quickly agreed that talking on the phone would be good. We have talked everyday anywhere from 30 Jin to an hour and 30. Today we were texting each other all day. So we live about 2 1/2 hrs from each other and have kids so need to schedule time. We have both said we need to figure something out to seen each other, I thunk I have commented a few times more. I think we both want to meet etc, so my questions are these do i ask what she is doing on an upcoming weekend and take the initiative to move forward or wait and see if she does? Question 2: I am really laid back and am really looking forward to seeing her and I was thinking of inviting to go get her and bring her to my place since it's familiar, and I would take her home at the end of the night etc. Too much too fast?

Just looking for advice?

Thanks
 
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Inked4evr is offline Inked4evr Post #2  June 18,2010, 3:16pm
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Sorry about the misspellings
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #3  June 18,2010, 3:38pm

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i think you need to ask her out on a specific date on a specific day, and NOT to your house. that's not a date.
 
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coffeetogoplease is offline coffeetogoplease Post #4  June 18,2010, 3:40pm
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Hi. Good to hear that you have good communication. My advice - tell her you would like to get together on the weekend and ask if there is a time that would be good for her. Drive to her and ask her to pick a place but tell her the type of place you are looking for (coffee, casual restaurant etc). I think 5 hours of driving together and her going to your place would be too much for a first meet. Once you get to know her face to face it will feel more natural. Good luck.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #5  June 18,2010, 3:45pm

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Inked4evr wrote :
I have emailing,texting and talking on the phone with a match for about a week and a half. It has been going very well we have a lot of things in common, don't struggle when talking etc. We emailed a few times and then I suggested talking on the phone or just continuing email and she quickly agreed that talking on the phone would be good. We have talked everyday anywhere from 30 Jin to an hour and 30. Today we were texting each other all day. So we live about 2 1/2 hrs from each other and have kids so need to schedule time. We have both said we need to figure something out to seen each other, I thunk I have commented a few times more. I think we both want to meet etc, so my questions are these do i ask what she is doing on an upcoming weekend and take the initiative to move forward or wait and see if she does? Question 2: I am really laid back and am really looking forward to seeing her and I was thinking of inviting to go get her and bring her to my place since it's familiar, and I would take her home at the end of the night etc. Too much too fast?

Just looking for advice?

Thanks
Yes....takin her home is normally a no no for first date.

What's 30 Jin?
Last edited by PY_2; June 18,2010 at 3:45pm. Reason: Jin 'n tonic?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #6  June 18,2010, 3:51pm
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The problem with the post from Scarlet13, is that if the person is going to select you based on the cost, or extravagance, of your meeting, then that person is not a wise choice of partner.

It is not clear whether you mean your home, or your community, however.

***

I consider 2.5 hours to be too far, and I think you should be asking some intelligent, direct questions prior to meeting even the first time, to gauge her experience, willingness, and ability to conduct a long distance relationship.

If the answers are satisfactory, then I would arrange a first meeting.

Though there is a sense of fairness in "meeting half way," I find it much more sensible for one person to travel to the other's community.

Picking her up is not common for new internet meetings, not appropriate for 21st century gender roles, and far too wasteful(since it adds 5 hours of driving.)

In my view, the best approach is for whoever has more time availability / flexibility should travel to the community of the other, and then meet at the location choosen.
 
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Inked4evr is offline Inked4evr Post #7  June 19,2010, 12:38pm
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Thanks for all the advice. Ha. 30 Jin was supposed to be 30 min.

I am fairly new to the whole Internet dating. I only was thinking my place as a place to stay but everyone is right that's too much too quick, my intentions were all good. I think I am a bit old fashioned as i am interested so I am willing to drive the 2.5 hours, even just to go out to eat and get to know each other in person and then drive home. I don't mind going and hanging in her community but didn't want that to seem like I was inviting myself, ha maybe I am thinking too hard about this.

So what I did after reading everyones advice is while talking on the phone I said I was available next weekend and that I would love to hang out. Left it open ended as if she says she is free then we can figure out the arrangements. I told her to think about no rush and let me know. Not trying to push just think things have been going well and we would have a good time.

so If she says she can't is that a sign I am moving to fast or again am I reading into it. I will keep everyone posted and thanks again
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  June 19,2010, 12:47pm
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If you ask to meet, at some undefined time, and she does not, it is most likely she is keeping you on the line, but filling her time with other guys. This is a very bad sign.

If you ask to meet, at a specific time, and she is not able to, that is probably that she is busy. She should suggest an alternate time, and if she does not she is probably not interested in you. This is mainly a sign not to waste your time, energy, and money, chasing a fantasy.

Personally, I favor a clear invitation to dinner as a first meeting. This is always at a location which is convenient to me (and one I trust.)

Your situation is sufficiently far away that I favor a clear-headed discussion about not only the first meeting, but how dating will unfold.
 
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ThePriestess is offline ThePriestess Post #9  June 19,2010, 12:52pm
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D_Lion wrote :
I consider 2.5 hours to be too far ...
2.5 hours is virtually neighbors here :P
 
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richey is offline richey Post #10  June 19,2010, 9:15pm
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I agree with the advice you've been given.

I'd come up with a specific date/time and suggest an outting so that all she has to do is think about it and say yes or no (I try not to make the potential date have to come up with and plan her own first date). However, there are times I do ask what their comfort level is as far as the location (your town, her town, or 1/2 way).

I would probably not suggest yoru house, or for you to be in control of her transportation the entire time on a first date - that might be a bit too much. Allow for each party to have the ability to control when/where they can go until you are comfortable with each other in person.

Everybody has a different idea of what is a good first date outting... I try to keep it light and not too traditional, and try to pick something that allows for time to talk and hopefully something that naturally creates conversation (like.. something where you can people watch, or some activity that's fun that you can easily joke about during/after.... things like taht).

I'm not big on dinner or movies because you can't talk at movies, and you're basically having to create the conversation at dinner.

Good luck.
Richey
 
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