It is okay to settle... dating school may be required first though


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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #1  June 18,2010, 1:11pm
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I am convinced that people need to go through some kind of training class before being allowed to date. I look at my own situations, and the dates that I have gone on when I was originally single. I think about some of the really great guys... or at least seemingly great guys that I either didn't give a chance because of something silly, or, I turned the date into an interview and didn't really enjoy it for what it was.

I just think we sometimes get so caught up in trying to find "the one" that we go into it with a motive, and that motive possibly makes the good ones get away, or we run them away, or, we're focused on the bad apples, that we don't even give the good ones a chance.

I have honeslty grown the opinion that I think it's okay to settle... not compromise your core values and priorities in a partner... but really realize, there is no perfect "one" out there, so accept the qualities that are important, and overlook the ones that are just noise. I just think we sometimes approach dating from a fantasy sense when we just start out, and then, one day, we wake up and see reality. Maybe, if we had a dating school, reality would be there from the beginning, and we would understand that settling on less than perfect is Mr. Good Enough. And, we can be happy with him.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #2  June 18,2010, 1:15pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Don't be too hard on yourself. I think it is almost inevitable that we let some 'good ones' get away. Early on we don't really have a sense of what 'good ones' are and so we think there might be something much better out there. Later on we realize what 'good ones' are....and then can hopefully recognize them going forward.
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #3  June 18,2010, 1:27pm
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jayjay wrote :
Don't be too hard on yourself. I think it is almost inevitable that we let some 'good ones' get away. Early on we don't really have a sense of what 'good ones' are and so we think there might be something much better out there. Later on we realize what 'good ones' are....and then can hopefully recognize them going forward.
I agree 100% on JayJay with this, you are going to have some bad dates and feel like you also let some good ones get away. People can spend years finding themselves and then finding those that match who they are but I don't think there is anything wrong with taking that time to make sure you have found the one and I don't think settling is really all that great of an option.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #4  June 18,2010, 1:32pm
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Why does the term "settle" always have such a bad connotation? We all "settle" in some sense don't we? I just think a eutopian view of dating, makes us falsely think that "settling" is a bad thing...
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #5  June 18,2010, 2:40pm
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Settle has a bad connotation because it denotes that you rather be with someone who is wrong for you, that be alone.

Compromise is better, because regardless of whoever you end up with, you will have to compromise. That's what a relationship is all about. You will never get everything you want. And in all honesty, you probably shouldn't. If someone has EVERYTHING, then there is no room to grow and things get stagnant.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #6  June 18,2010, 3:42pm

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Dang it...all this time, I've always say to women "I want to settle down with you" maybe that's why!! I should've said I want to compromise down with them!
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #7  June 18,2010, 3:50pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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PY_2 wrote :
Dang it...all this time, I've always say to women "I want to settle down with you" maybe that's why!! I should've said I want to compromise down with them!
Try 'bed down'.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #8  June 18,2010, 5:10pm

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jayjay wrote :
Try 'bed down'.
How about giddy up instead?
 
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Tipitina is offline Tipitina Post #9  June 18,2010, 6:24pm
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PY_2 wrote :
Dang it...all this time, I've always say to women "I want to settle down with you" maybe that's why!! I should've said I want to compromise down with them!
If you're going to compromise in any direction, compromise up. It's more fun.
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #10  June 18,2010, 6:37pm
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As far as I can see, everyone settles.

It is pretty difficult to do though.

You sort of have to accept that you have to endure a certain degree of agony.
 
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