He Sent Me Home After Sex Should I Be Worried?


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Nicole20281 is offline Nicole20281 Post #1  June 18,2010, 7:47am
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I met this great guy that I have been dating for almost a month now. Things are going great in the sense that he is the one chasing me and asking me out (I have made an effort to not be too clingy).

When we are together things are perfect and we recently had sex for the first time and it was kinda awkward after but I stayed over. We had sex again last night and then he suggested we go grab something to eat and then when we got back we talked in his car for like 30 mins and then he said goodbye he had to get to bed.

I am looking for more of a relationship but he seems like a player and when I got home I saw he was already logged into his dating profile. What should I do?
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #2  June 18,2010, 7:50am
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Have you talked with him about whether you two are seeing each other exclusively?
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #3  June 18,2010, 7:55am
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You might be right that he's not looking for more of a relationship, but that does not make him a "player", which has bad connotations of being deceiving etc.

It sounds like you assumed that having sex means "it's a relationship" or there's some degree of commitment. That's not true for everyone. So it's a good idea, if sex does mean "relationship" to you, to check it out with a guy, first.

So at this point? You could take him the way he appears to be, or you could ask him what he's looking for with you, or you could end it.

(Being logged into his profile does not mean he's necessarily looking for other women. That's an assumption.)

Stop assuming things!
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #4  June 18,2010, 7:55am
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Maybe he really did have to go back to sleep and maybe he logged in to turn off matching? Talk to the guy, find out what is going on but don't worry till you know.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #5  June 18,2010, 8:02am
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lots of people have sex for different reasons. I try not to put my own values on others, but do offer advice. I am the kind of person who will only have sex with a guy after I've established that we are in a long-term committed relationship. I know a lot of women are not like this, and view sex simply as something to enjoy. So, if that is you, then there is nothing wrong with that. The only problem seems to be that a lot of women who believe sex is something to be enjoyed early on in forming the relationship, also assume that there is a relationship, or if not, they really do want a relationship with the guy.

I just think in those two situations, you are putting the cart before the horse. If you want to just have sex and enjoy it, then don't expect a relationship, or feel awkward if the guy is seeing someone else. If you hadn't established what the relationship is you have with him up front, then you should do that before having sex again. People will only use you (or play you) as much as you allow them to use or play you.

If you just want sex, then don't expect much else... although more could progress, you just put yourself in a position to be hurt if you assume or expect it without actually establishing it first.
 
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Nicole20281 is offline Nicole20281 Post #6  June 18,2010, 8:07am
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I think my original post was not worded well. I have no problem we have no relationship. However, to me when you have sex you should then sleep together. The kicking me out makes me feel like more of a friends with benifits.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #7  June 18,2010, 8:17am
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Nicole20281 wrote :
I have no problem we have no relationship. However, to me when you have sex you should then sleep together. The kicking me out makes me feel like more of a friends with benifits.
jussmile wrote :
If you just want sex, then don't expect much else...
I will repeat this because what you are saying seems contradictory... if you have no relationship, and you are just sleeping together... then, basically, all you have is a FWB situation. Even FWB sometimes spend the night, but, in most cases, they both accept it for what it is... just sex. If you're okay with sleeping with him and not having a relationship, then you shouldn't get jealous, and it should make no difference whether or not he logged on to date other people, whether he is a player or whatever.

Also... per the title of your thread, what should you "be worried" about? That he just wants you for sex? Sounds like that is all you expect... so it's a mutual situation.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #8  June 18,2010, 8:17am
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There is no "rule" that you have to spend the night together after sex (especially if you go out somewhere else after doing the deed). From all appearances, you are not in a "relationship" (i.e., with some agreement of exclusivity); you are merely dating at this point. So, it's too early to move into the girlfriend spot in his bed.

It does sound like you are making a lot of assumptions and imposing your own expectations on the situation.

Time for a talk!
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #9  June 18,2010, 8:21am

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Nicole20281 wrote :
I think my original post was not worded well. I have no problem we have no relationship. However, to me when you have sex you should then sleep together. The kicking me out makes me feel like more of a friends with benifits.
I am not seeing where he kicked you out. The way it reads he didn't invite you back in after dinner.

Perhaps you need to communicate better with him so he understands your feelings.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #10  June 18,2010, 8:23am
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Ummm...how do you see this as being kicked out? You had sex, then you got dressed and went out to eat and that ended the evening. You were not being kicked out and I don't get why you would expect to go back into his house and sleep there at that point. You are dating, not married. Now if you had sex and then he asked to get up and go home....now you are being kicked out.
 
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