He says, "I'll text," but you hope he doesn't...


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Batesie2012 is offline Batesie2012 Post #1  June 17,2010, 10:42am
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I went out on an eH date yesterday and it was a mess from the start. We were supposed to meet, but we hadn't determined where we were going to meet explicitely. I just assumed that I was supposed to wait for him in the restaurant. I arrived a few minutes before the appointed time, got a drink, and waited. Thirty minutes later I get a text message asking if I was at the restaurant (yes). Then I get another one a few minutes later telling me just tell him if I wasn't going to show up. Now, I must clarify here that I had been in the restaurant for over 30 minutes and I was the only customer there. They only have one entrance and the only person who had come in was a little asian woman wearing medical scrubs who ordered take out and left. Apparently he was waiting in his car (there were tons of cars parked on the street because of other local businesses and I never could have guessed which was his). He never told me he would wait in his car somewhere (still don't know where he was parked), and definitely didn't tell me what it looked like. He left to go run errands and finally showed up almost an hour late. If he hadn't texted me just before the 30-minute late mark, I would have been long gone.

When he got there, I realized that most of his photos were way outdated (only one looked sort of recent). The evening just felt awkward and uncomfortable for me. I was as polite as I could be, but in the end I know we simply are not a match. He told me he would contact me, but I'm kind of hoping he felt the same way and was just saying it to be nice.

Can I wait for him to contact me (or not) to tell him that I just don't see a future? Or do I need to go ahead and be proactive about it?

I've never been in the dating game. I've always gone straight into long-term relationships (which is probably why none of them worked out), so this is all new to me and I really don't know the rules.

Thanks!
 
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Batesie2012 is offline Batesie2012 Post #2  June 17,2010, 10:45am
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Also, if he does contacme or if I have to do the contacting, how do you go about that? What do you say?
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #3  June 17,2010, 10:46am
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Pray he doesn't text you.
Last edited by livenlearn; June 17,2010 at 10:47am. Reason: or call, for that matter
 
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dmi is online now dmi Post #4  June 17,2010, 10:51am
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Think most of the time the feeling is mutual. Neither person has to do anything, you simply never contact each other again.

If he does contact you, you can tell him you don't think you're a good match and end it there.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  June 17,2010, 11:06am
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Don't make this so complicated. For the most part people are pretty intuitive and realize when things are not going well. Typically they will not contact each other again and that's that.

If he does contact you, then you can simply txt him back a polite thanks but no thanks. If he does not contact you, you absolutely should not go out of your way to let him know that you did not like him - it would be both mean and arrogant.
 
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Merchanca is offline Merchanca Post #6  June 17,2010, 11:32am
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Bleh what a horrible date! I hope that doesn't happen to you again.

I wouldn't say anything unless he does. Hopefully he doesn't, but if he does just tell him thanks but no thanks, like others have already suggested.
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #7  June 17,2010, 12:54pm
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Welcome to the boards Batesie.

Since he said he would contact you just wait for him to do so. If he does then send a polite message back saying you didn't feel the connection and you hope he finds what he is looking for. No need to make this dramatic.

He sounds a bit "lost" and maybe doesn't know how to date. Next time you meet someone, maybe you should confirm exactly where you will meet. You might even send a text stating what you are wearing so they can't spot you easily.
 
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Batesie2012 is offline Batesie2012 Post #8  June 17,2010, 8:17pm
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Thanks for the advice. All of the advice seems so obvious now that you've said it. I was completely over-analyzing. At least I can learn from mistakes. From now on I will be far more detail oriented when setting up a RL meeting. I also won't rely on text message communication. Sometimes phones have trouble sending them or people don't receive them until late. I think that was a compounding problem in this situation. Live and learn.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #9  June 19,2010, 9:38pm
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I'm with DMI. Hope that he doesn't, but if he does, then just be honest with him as gracefully and respectfully as you can.

And that should be that.

Good luck.
Richey
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #10  June 19,2010, 10:00pm
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You are probably okay - very, VERY rarely have I been on a bad, awkward or boring date that the other person didn't feel the same way. I can only think of two times in my adult dating history that, after a disastrous date, the guy called again. If you knew, he probably did as well.
 
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