Alli824 is offline Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #1  June 17,2010, 10:12am
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I had an interesting date on Monday with someone I had connected with over two years ago. At that time he lived in another state - not usually a problem for me. We fizzled because I found him to be overly cautious in terms of sharing his true identity, profession etc. I felt if I was going to make the effort to get on a plane and combine a work assignment with a meet up, the least he could do was to share more personal information with me.

Flash forward two plus years, he has since relocated to my state, and we actually live about 15 minutes from each other. I'm not concerned about misrepresentation. He is who he says he is, and does have a good position with a local hospital. On meet up we chuckled about how this has actually taken us almost three years to get together. However, I still picked up the cautious vibe and almost a jaded approach to meeting anyone open and honest. I called him on it. He agreed, citing his On Line experiences. I invited him to go ahead and "google" me. You can find anything you need to find out about me on line and I am very comfortable with this approach. Okay I am digressing. The date ended up being a 3 hour date and he walked me to my car.

Here's the issue. He's a very Alpha male. I can handle myself but usually don't date Alpha's. I thanked him via text the next day which set off at least 10 text responses - including how refreshing we found each other. He hinted at doing dinner but has not made definite plans - just says he is considering asking me to dinner.

Guys I have not heard from him after the initial chain of texts nor have I attempted to contact him. This took place Tuesday. I do not want to appear to chase as I think this may be something he is used too. I would like to have an opportunity to have dinner with him as I see some definite possibilities if he can get beyond the skepticism.


Thoughts or ideas on how to handle this without appearing to chase? Please don't suggest I ask him to dinner at my home. He did more than hint at that, and I already declined. At this point I I don't know him well enough to have him over to my house. Do I sit and wait for him to come up with a plan? If so how long? Where do I go from here?
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #2  June 17,2010, 10:32am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Why would it have been you, 3 years ago, who would have stepped on a plane to visit him....rather than him coming to visit you? Be careful this guy isn't looking for women to just serve themselves up on a plate for him.

For the present it seems that you've let it be known that you have an interest in continuing to see him again. Leave it at that. Don't contact him again. Definitely do not have him over to your house for dinner and his 'hints' don't mean anything. Especially if he is an 'alpha' then if he wants to date a woman he'll ask, not hint. Just wait and see if he asks you out again. I think even it takes a couple months for him to do so it's the way to go.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #3  June 17,2010, 10:36am
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Your radar is already up and running in regard to this guy...
Let him make the move.
As far as I can tell, you've done quite a bit so far to keep this on life support.
You may think he's an alpha male, but for what you describe, I'd doubt it. Judge people by what they do.

I say, let's see how serious he is about this.
In the meantime, don't hold your breath.
 
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dmi is online now dmi Post #4  June 17,2010, 10:36am
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Alli824 wrote :
Guys I have not heard from him after the initial chain of texts nor have I attempted to contact him. This took place Tuesday. I do not want to appear to chase as I think this may be something he is used too. I would like to have an opportunity to have dinner with him as I see some definite possibilities if he can get beyond the skepticism.
Tuesday as in 2 days ago?
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #5  June 17,2010, 10:36am
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Yay! spring has sprung.

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Since I am not a guy and not allowed to answer.

I give JayJay
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #6  June 17,2010, 10:45am
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You already made your interest clear. Now the ball is in his court. If he is sufficiently interested, he knows how to contact you. If he is not that into you, he won't. Any further contact from you IS chasing.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #7  June 17,2010, 11:03am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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livenlearn wrote :
I give JayJay
Is a or = to a star?
 
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Alli824 is offline Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #8  June 17,2010, 11:04am
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Thanks everyone. We are all on the same wavelength. Just needed to run it by you to make sure that I'm not appearing inflexible or too traditional. As most of you know I rarely post, but this was such an unusual situation, having reconnected again, I want to make sure that I'm not being a 'dinosaur' as I've been called on previous occasions.

DMI yes Tuesday- two days ago.

Jayjay I am usally okay with getting on a plane as long as I can combine work and pleasure. In fact I find out a lot meeting my matches in their home city. Stuff I would never find out about them if they came to my city - differences in lifestyles etc.

I really appreciate hearing from a group of people I respect. Thanks guys and gals.
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #9  June 17,2010, 11:05am
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Yay! spring has sprung.

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jayjay wrote :
Is a or = to a star?

Yup.

* goes back to being placed on mute.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #10  June 17,2010, 11:20am

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Okay I have some strange questions here because you said he was an alpha. Did he say he was an alpha or was there something about him or what he said that made you believe that? When you guys talked was he more open about his friends than he was about work and family? Did he seem very conscious about appearances and how people were percieving him? Did you feel like he was trying to control everything?

Yeah that is about all the questions I can ask for now because the rest of them depend on the answers to those. I will try to come up with lovely parting gifts for the effort. Seriously though if you answer those and a few others I can tell you exactly what makes that guy tick.
Last edited by Can_I_just_be_Jo; June 17,2010 at 11:22am. Reason: wrong word
 
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