what do you think of a 30-day money back guarantee with a guy?


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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #1  June 17,2010, 8:21am
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So funny - went on a first date with a new guy on Monday night and while he asked me out on date #2, I had to turn him down and, instead, we decided to become buddies. he's already become a confidant in my ongoing situation with the guy I REALLY like that I posted about earlier. the one who isn't sure about commiting to an exclusive relationship.

This guy made what sounds like a pretty good suggestion. he said his ex-wife made the offer to him when they were dating and he took her up on it and it panned out.

Anyway, he said that in order to protect the elusive "it" factor that this other guy and I share, and that we've both acknowledged exists for us, that I should offer him a "30-day money back guarantee" (and no, he cannot keep the ginsu knives!) In other words, tell him that we can agree to date just each other for 30 days, and then, at the end of the 30 days, if either of us wants to walk, we can do it scot free.

He said that way this other guy and myself will be able to explore the relationship for 30 days without damaging the elusive "it" factor that we do have going on. Because by continuing to date others, we're slowly eroding the specialness that we do share and we are slowly damaging the "it" factor as hard feelings build up as other people enter our lives.

I think this sounds like a pretty good idea. Was thinking about bringing it up on our next date this weekend if it feels right. But perhaps I'm just being crazy to think that this is a good idea!

What I'd get out of it - 30 days of not worrying about another girl coming into his life (and he'd get the same for me since he hates me going out with other guys), and he'd learn what it feels like to be with just me, and see if being exclusive feels okay to him and not as scary as he thinks it might be, having recently gotten out of a 15-yr marriage himself.

thoughts?
 
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activeteacher is offline activeteacher Post #2  June 17,2010, 8:30am
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interesting approach. When would you start it though? You'd have to spend enough time together to find out if you want to spend time together. Or would you take me home that first night?
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #3  June 17,2010, 8:47am
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activeteacher wrote :
interesting approach. When would you start it though? You'd have to spend enough time together to find out if you want to spend time together. Or would you take me home that first night?
cute.

already know we want to spend time together. it's not 30 days straight. just 30 days exclusive, doing what we're already doing.

(so when are you coming over? )
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #4  June 17,2010, 8:56am
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activeteacher wrote :
interesting approach. When would you start it though? You'd have to spend enough time together to find out if you want to spend time together. Or would you take me home that first night?
cute.

already know we want to spend time together. it's not 30 days straight. just 30 days exclusive, doing what we're already doing.

(so when are you coming over? )
 
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psgcooldog is offline psgcooldog Post #5  June 17,2010, 9:02am
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scully98 wrote :
cute.

already know we want to spend time together. it's not 30 days straight. just 30 days exclusive, doing what we're already doing.

(so when are you coming over? )
OK, now I'm confused. You are not referring to 30 days in a row?

Just 30 days out of the next, .... ah N days, where N > 30 ?

That's nuts.

Why don't you simply say to him, "Let's try being exclusive for the next 30 days, and see how you like it? Because I want to, and I think you will like it when you try it."

Then listen very carefully to his response.
 
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dmi is online now dmi Post #6  June 17,2010, 9:08am
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If this was suggested to me, my first thought would be something like this...

YTMND - its a trap its a trap its a trap its a trap its a trap its a trap its a trap

I tend to think that I can opt out of an exclusive relationship at any point and I don't need some kind of get out of jail free card after 30 days. Further, I wouldn't be very confident that things would go well if I chose to end exclusivity at that point (at least not any better than it would go at any other point).

I guess I feel like if I want to be exclusive, I'll be exclusive and I don't need a free evaluation period. If I don't want to be exclusive, conditions like this won't ease my fears.

But, that's just me... others may see it differently.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #7  June 17,2010, 9:10am
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Not a bad idea actually.
but, the only problem I see...and one that numerous other posters have brought up in your other thread, is that you haven't stopped having sex with him.
And by all accounts you have no plans to, test or no test.
Therein lies the rub.

And, by continuing the physical part of it, that's a tall order to suddenly say to someone, "OK..let's be truly, totally objective about this"...
From reading your other thread (and again others told you this, your friends...other posters, not just me)it sounds like he keeps coming back to you because of the sex....and you really can't blame him for that.

Or, maybe, that's what you really want from this "test", to have him commit to you intimately/physically over a given period of time, in the hope that the emotional "break away" would be that much more difficult.....for him.
Only you can answer that.

Anyway, good luck with it.
Last edited by TheThinker; June 17,2010 at 9:17am.
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #8  June 17,2010, 9:20am
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psgcooldog wrote :
OK, now I'm confused. You are not referring to 30 days in a row?

Just 30 days out of the next, .... ah N days, where N > 30 ?

That's nuts.

Why don't you simply say to him, "Let's try being exclusive for the next 30 days, and see how you like it? Because I want to, and I think you will like it when you try it."

Then listen very carefully to his response.
oh wait, yeah, 30 days in a row. just not 30 days in a row TOGETHER every day. but yes. June 18 to July 18 would be an example.


dmi, well, good points, but it's not a trap. and I'm actually an excellent breaker-upper. I never contact the guy again if I break up with him, or vice versa. seriously. if they don't want me, or me them, that's it, I'm done. and this guy already knows that about me because of how thoroughly I was cleansing my life of him after the original six days with no date!

thinker, yup, no plans to stop having sex. that would feel incredibly manipulative, to be honest. and I don't see this as a test, just a time for us to be with each other without the added crap of worrying about either of us dating others. to see whether we are good together or not. it may be that we're really not good together and I'll see that myself. trust me, I've broken up with plenty of guys in my dating life! I'm not a pushover, despite my deep "like" of this dude! I really do expect a lot from a guy I'm dating.
Last edited by scully98; June 17,2010 at 9:25am.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #9  June 17,2010, 9:24am
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Normally... to make a deal with someone, there has to be something they are also getting out of the situation. You want to be exclusive with him, he has told you and so many words (the actual words I believe) that he has absolutely no desire to be exclusive with you right now. What would he gain by giving you a 30 day trial run? He's already getting sex with you, and from what it sounded like in your previous thread, this is what he is after so... he's only giving up his ability to date and have sex with other women by agreeing to your "offer."

I think it would push him further away, and make it more clear to him that you are not really okay with the "casual" relationship that you two currently have going. Not to mention, you are dating other guys to "get back at him" and in a way, it sounds like you are not being fair to the other guys who really believe they have a chance with you. Guy #1 has your heart, and I believe you said you were only dating other people because he is... and to make him jealous...

you may want to re-think your approach. If you're truly happy with a friends with benefits situation, which is what you have with G1... then accept it for what it is. Don't try to trick him into making it more.
 
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psgcooldog is offline psgcooldog Post #10  June 17,2010, 9:30am
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scully98 wrote :
oh wait, yeah, 30 days in a row. just not 30 days in a row TOGETHER every day. but yes. June 18 to July 18 would be an example.
Well then, it's just a clever and cute way to get him to move.

As dmi said, this is no different than any other beginning of an exclusive relationship ... either party can opt out at any time. What might differentiate this idea is if you are saying, "If you don't like it, after 30 days you can date others and I won't mind."

Except that you already mind, or you wouldn't be here with this idea, now would you?

Sorry, I know it's not what you wanted to hear.

I still stand by my suggestion: say you'd like exclusivity and that you believe it will work for both of you. Set a short horizon for him to evaluate it.
 
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