what makes it so scary to date someone foreign?


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MATaroundtheworld is offline MATaroundtheworld Post #1  June 16,2010, 9:49pm
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I've had little luck with the over a year on the site. I relate that to being overseas. Isn-t it worth it to find your soulmate to search everywhere possible?
Do you have any ideas on how to make it less scary?
 
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2clueless is offline 2clueless Post #2  June 16,2010, 10:00pm
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Not everyone is going to want to do a LDR domestically much less internationally. It's just a fact.

I'd suggest being as transparent as possible about how long you will be where you are; how often you come back and forth; how flexible your schedule is etc. on your profile. You want the match to get a sense of your lifestyle.

"I'm currently living overseas and will return home permanently at the end of 2013. I've been abroad since 2009 and I return to the states 3 times a year for 5-10 days in order to complete business domestically. (I could return more often for someone special.) Also, I never miss out on the holiday season with my family. I've got the best of both worlds: an exciting experience in another country and the ability to return home often."

I would respond to a profile like this.... maybe. But if you are permanently living somewhere, it wouldn't work for me unless I was ready to entertain relocation.

Don't despair there are lots of types that your profile might appeal to...people who work at home and can live anywhere; academics/teachers who can travel during the summer; nationals of the country where you are that feel a connection to the place and may enjoy living there; avid travellers; hopeless romantics who are willing to broaden search to "the world" looking for love.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #3  June 16,2010, 10:22pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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So you're talking about dating someone who lives in a different country rather than simply someone who comes from another country? I'm actually dating someone who lives in another country right now....but I live right next to the border, so I guess I'm sort of bypassing the long-distance nature of the problem that is typically encountered in this type of situation.

Then again, if one lives near a border I certainly recommend 'international dating'. More generally, I think the internet has, at least to some degree, opened up the possibility of finding a partner from anywhere in the world. While there are still many difficulties and potential problems associated with it....it nonetheless is more of a possibility now. I suppose if people have enough disposable income and free time to spend on international travel it's even more of a possibility. I'd tend to think the biggest obstacle is being able to get enough 'face time' with a person to make the leap from a LDR to a close-distance relationship.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #4  June 17,2010, 1:51am
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For many people the prospect isn't so much "scary" as it is expensive!

I had my matches set to "worldwide" and attempted to initiate contact with a number of men who lived overseas. Some were British, others were Americans living abroad (one as far as Oman, I think). So I tried, but none of them went anywhere.

It turned out to be just as well, as it's expensive enough trying to keep up with a match who liveson the other side of the USA.

If you're not going to be overseas "forever," 2clueless gives good advice.
 
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Merchanca is offline Merchanca Post #5  June 17,2010, 4:42am
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2Clueless gives good advice!
While I personally want to find someone very local, at this stage in my life (with school and whatnot), I think it's extremely romantic to find someone across the world. And I think many would agree... what is scary is what others have said, that it's expensive and they might assume they won't get to see you very often.
 
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Johnnyguitarman is offline Johnnyguitarman Post #6  June 17,2010, 5:08am
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MATaroundtheworld wrote :
I've had little luck with the over a year on the site. I relate that to being overseas. Isn-t it worth it to find your soulmate to search everywhere possible?
Do you have any ideas on how to make it less scary?
Look for dates in your local area- say within 50 miles or so.

One word that makes an online approach by a foreign person scary (I have to add spaces to get it through the moderator).

S CAM MER!
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #7  June 17,2010, 7:19am
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Johnnyguitarman wrote :
Look for dates in your local area- say within 50 miles or so.

One word that makes an online approach by a foreign person scary (I have to add spaces to get it through the moderator).

S CAM MER!
I think the Guitar Man is right. So what can you do to make it clear you're not the dreaded beast?

Emphasize a responsible job.
Emphasize you are happy with your citizenship and not looking for a green card.
Explain clearly why you are wherever you are and why you travel.
Use extremely good spelling, punctuation, sentence structure.
Include photos that make you believable -- in front of your home, with your mom and sister, at work, etc.

?? Whatever you can come up with!
 
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nancymargritangelita is offline nancymargritangelita Post #8  June 17,2010, 8:30am
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It's very difficult to maintain a long distance relationship here in Canada (or in the US). It would be even more difficult to maintain such a relationship with someone overseas. You don't just have provincial or state boundaries to cross; you've got international boundaries to cross as well. If you decide to get married, are you going to expect your partner to move to your country and take up citizenship there? It takes a special kind of person to be willing to cross international boundaries - not everyone can handle this kind of situation.
 
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