do you do better in person like me or online?


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gummibearlover is offline gummibearlover Post #1  June 16,2010, 11:12am
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im interested in hearing from both sides--i definately do better in person. I am a very attractive 40 y/o woman who joined EH 6 months ago and am not planning on renewing as i have enough men interested in me in person and little online interest.

The details--On EH I do have nice photos and a friend reviewed profile but little interest . In person, I get all types of cute guys at the pool, gym, etc over time both younger and older who show interest . I did date 2 very cute smart guys met in person in the last year but decided they werent for me. I have a young daughter and thought online would be easier as she is more often than not with me in person. To be honest im not attracted to many EH men online though i have made efforts , kept my mind open and sent some icebreakers if i had even an inkling of interest. Generally i DONT sense more in common on EH than in person Men who wrote where often flexible matches over my age range and that is something im fussy about--Ii have no preset ideas about a mans prfession, height,w or w/o children, etc--im interested in initial attraction based on their appearance and how their window of personality comes across

I wonder why some do better in person and some online?I can only guess that my presence isnt reflected in my photos/essay. Any ideas?
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #2  June 16,2010, 11:23am

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There are a lot of discussions like this here on the boards and I don't think there is any clear answer. One thing I have seen is those that have some success in person tend not to like online and those that do not like online.

I never liked eHa because there was no rational way of narrowing down the choices. The profiles are almost always generic. Then you contact someone and they close you or you start talking and since you are not using the pre-recorded responses they close you. Then there are the games like don't call for X days and such. Bah! no thanks. I will pick my guys up the old fashioned way, in a bar.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #3  June 16,2010, 12:03pm
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There's no way to tell, really! I went my whole life, well past my 44th birthday, without a date, much less a relationship, by meetings IRL. Then, within less than 6 months (and a couple of hundred matches on eH and Chemistry) of trying online, I have a relationship (courtesy of eH).

It's just one of those things.
 
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hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #4  June 16,2010, 12:19pm

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gummibearlover wrote :
im interested in hearing from both sides--i definately do better in person. I am a very attractive 40 y/o woman who joined EH 6 months ago and am not planning on renewing as i have enough men interested in me in person and little online interest.

The details--On EH I do have nice photos and a friend reviewed profile but little interest . In person, I get all types of cute guys at the pool, gym, etc over time both younger and older who show interest . I did date 2 very cute smart guys met in person in the last year but decided they werent for me. I have a young daughter and thought online would be easier as she is more often than not with me in person. To be honest im not attracted to many EH men online though i have made efforts , kept my mind open and sent some icebreakers if i had even an inkling of interest. Generally i DONT sense more in common on EH than in person Men who wrote where often flexible matches over my age range and that is something im fussy about--Ii have no preset ideas about a mans prfession, height,w or w/o children, etc--im interested in initial attraction based on their appearance and how their window of personality comes across

I wonder why some do better in person and some online?I can only guess that my presence isnt reflected in my photos/essay. Any ideas?
Online, in person. I haven't noticed a significant difference.
 
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gummibearlover is offline gummibearlover Post #5  June 16,2010, 12:49pm
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thank you for the interesting replies---i had more fun with the discussion board than EH actually. I sort of found EH generic some of the profile tidbits--in person is slower and their may be others in the setting---its hard ot say---thank you
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #6  June 16,2010, 1:03pm

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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It may be because you have a child. It might 'stand out' more in profile format when that's all there is to go on.

When men meet you in real life, it's not upper most in their minds, they either like you or they don't. Knowing that you have a child isn't as scarey to them in reality.

We're all significantly more picky online than in reality, so as Jo says, it could be absolutely anything.

Sounds like you'll still be dating and saving yourself your subscription fee so it'll be fine.
 
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dmi is online now dmi Post #7  June 16,2010, 1:30pm
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I'd say I do about the same either way. For me, there's a big difference between how people react to me initially and how they react to me over time. I do rather poorly initially. I'm a bit shy and reserved. People think I'm ok, but, I don't make a bit splash. Over time, they find out that I'm playful, intelligent, a good problem solver, and a good listener.

In RL, that means, I've never, ever, not even once picked up a woman in a bar. Every date and every relationship I've ever had has developed over time with people I had something in common with (hobby, housing, workplace, or whatever).

Online, that means sites like eH don't work all that well for me. I get a lot of matches, but, only a few get to OC with some actual dates. Again, I don't make that great of a first impression, so, nothing has come of it so far. However, I do great in online chatroom, bulletin boards, and games. It's a setting where some common interest has drawn us together and I'm just being me and whatever it is I'm doing is drawing interest.
 
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Alli824 is offline Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #8  June 16,2010, 1:43pm
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I think some of this may be regional. When I use EH and list myself as Fort Lauderdale my matches are just awful. Very few professionals, a lot of geriatrics, and the few men I find attractive are Players - but then in fairness, this proves true on other sites. It also confirms what several have said Florida has the worst dating pool. When I'm traveling and can change my location I get a demographic that is much better suited to me and my interest level.

Like you, I have no problems meeting people in person. I'm outgoing, well traveled, and won't crack a mirror. The other thing to consider is that those on line seem to want to put in minimal effort, because if it's not a perfect fit someone else will come along. Additionally, as several male friends have told me (EH does not apply until open communications.) They do not have to raise a finger, because if they are relatively attractive the ladies will chase them. I don't think it's even a question of picky - we're all selective or why would we be here? It's a question of a sense of entitlement or (and the stigma still exists, believe it or not) there must be something wrong with you, because why would a successful, reasonably attractive woman need to be on a site? I still get this from a number of successful, reasonably attractive men, so go figure! Incidentally, it goes both ways females are equally as cavalier about the process - this is the monster Internet dating has created.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #9  June 16,2010, 2:38pm
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I do a kajillion times better in person. Way way better. Way way WAY better. The online thing has really been a waste of time for me.
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #10  June 16,2010, 4:05pm
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gummibearlover wrote :
im interested in hearing from both sides--i definately do better in person. I am a very attractive 40 y/o woman who joined EH 6 months ago and am not planning on renewing as i have enough men interested in me in person and little online interest.

The details--On EH I do have nice photos and a friend reviewed profile but little interest . In person, I get all types of cute guys at the pool, gym, etc over time both younger and older who show interest . I did date 2 very cute smart guys met in person in the last year but decided they werent for me. I have a young daughter and thought online would be easier as she is more often than not with me in person. To be honest im not attracted to many EH men online though i have made efforts , kept my mind open and sent some icebreakers if i had even an inkling of interest. Generally i DONT sense more in common on EH than in person Men who wrote where often flexible matches over my age range and that is something im fussy about--Ii have no preset ideas about a mans prfession, height,w or w/o children, etc--im interested in initial attraction based on their appearance and how their window of personality comes across

I wonder why some do better in person and some online?I can only guess that my presence isnt reflected in my photos/essay. Any ideas?

Doing it in person is usually better than doing it through a computer. I would choose that option all the time



For me online works better because I am rather shy and reserved---especially when it comes to meeting people at random. I find it just so difficult. If there was a designated place all single and available went to to socialize I would go there.

Now I have lost my ability to tell age just based on looks and you cant tell if they are available, I used to be really good with age but after being involved with a woman for almost a decade I lost that art.

Now I look at a woman and think she looks 35 when in reality she is 25 or 50....and I can look at a woman who is 35 but I would guess late 40s or mid 20s. My target age range is finding someone around 33-41. It is just so difficult.

I dont have a problem if they happen to have children but then that makes it even more difficult to meet this available pool because they spend their lives work and kids.

The problem as you get older you dont have the avenues you used to have for meeting people like back in your early to mid 20s...now all your friends are married with kids, you dont date through work, so it comes down to meeting people through your children (if you have them) through their school or activities....then the other way to meet is through clubs and organizations you belong to but who knows in your area how many "available" people there are.


ALSO.......

The other think with EHARMONY .....icebreakers are for nonpaying members to communicate...dont use them...send questions instead. You sending icebreaks said you are a nonpaying member so its pointless to communicate with you.

Also EH has about a 85% matches are nonpaying members or inactive members, or those who are not looking right now because they are pursuing someone else.
 
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