mari3434 is offline mari3434 Post #1  June 16,2010, 1:37am
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I just lost my first message sent

Anyways, i am writing because you all have greater wisdom in dating than I do! I have not really dated since my last break up - since the fall. I was with my ex for about 7 years. The dating game is new to me. I have an old friend (known since 2003 and always hung out in school etc) that has resurfaced. He traveled in Europe for one year and just came back a few weeks ago. He periodically kept in touch while out of the country. Within days of returning, he contacted me via facebook and asked me out forthwith. Context - he was aware that I was single as of last fall. Anyways, our first date was great - we hung out all night talking and walking around downtown and exploring romance (which is kinda strange and new territory because of a 7 year friendship). He was a gentleman. Anyways, this past weekend, he spent it at my place. We were intimate. I have not called him -partly because of that stupid rule I hear about and because I have been really busy and processing what has happened. Likewise, he has not contacted me yet and it has been 3 days. I'm beginning to think he has changed his mind. In the past, he usually contacts 2 days later. Should I contact him first? And what do I say? I am so out of the dating thing -I have no idea what to do. I suppose if he brushes me off, I'll know the answer. This is what sucks about dating - risks. Thoughts?
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  June 16,2010, 3:31am
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Soooo....you've know each other for years, you were comfortable enough with him, to sleep with him, but you don't feel like you can contact him and talk to him unless he talks to you first? Do you see how crazy that is? Pick up the phone already.
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #3  June 16,2010, 3:46am
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He's probably just as uncertain about you, what your reaction was to being intimate with a long time friend. Maybe he's wondering if he should call or just wait until you call.

So I agree with the previous response, you want to talk with him, just call. Tell him you enjoyed spending time with him and want to see him again.

Now some perspective.
I think it's great that you have gotten closer to someone who you've been friends with a long time. But it can be a little ackward at first because now you two are entering into a different type of relationship, one with different rules than just friendship.

So it's natural that one or both of you will not know for sure how to proceed, or how to handle things. I suggest you take things as they come with him. Think of it as an evolution of your friendship to something closer. Some of the strongest couples are those where there is a solid foundation of friendship.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #4  June 16,2010, 4:40am
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mari3434 wrote :
.... I have not called him -partly because of that stupid rule I hear about....
What rule?? I musta missed the memo.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #5  June 16,2010, 8:23am
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Call and ask him out for a specific date. That's what you want, isn't it?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  June 16,2010, 8:28am
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Could be that he got what he wanted and has now left.
 
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howardtheduck is offline howardtheduck Post #7  June 16,2010, 5:51pm
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Contact him!!! Stupid rules are meant to be broken. Smart rules are meant to be broken. There are no rules in dating, regardless of what anybody tells you or you read here!
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  June 16,2010, 5:58pm
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mari3434 wrote :
Should I contact him first? And what do I say? I am so out of the dating thing -I have no idea what to do. I suppose if he brushes me off, I'll know the answer. This is what sucks about dating - risks. Thoughts?

Jeez.

Do you have a job? Are you also afraid to speak before spoken to?

Why would you care about some "rule" that only applies to people who can't think for themselves? And, why on earth would you want to be with someone who would judge you for who called, when, etc?

***

Was anything said when you parted? Any statement about a next time, or who would make contact? Not that it matters, since you are in fact permitted to use a telephone for more than ordering a pizza.

***

In any case, it's not close enough to the weekend to even worry over it, yet.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #9  June 16,2010, 5:59pm
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tweet37 wrote :
What rule?? I musta missed the memo.

The dog ate my memo - and I don't even have a dog.
 
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mari3434 is offline mari3434 Post #10  June 16,2010, 9:26pm
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Thanks for all your replies - they were helpful and gave me courage. I do believe it felt strange - 7 years of friendship has changed - and I think both of us were uncertain how to proceed now that the relationship has suddenly changed. Well, I bit the bullet and texted him this afternoon - and he responded promptly -we were probably texting for about 2 hours...back and forth. He apologized for not calling sooner. We'll see where this new relationship goes...it is all so strange and new to me. And yes, I am beginning to realize how stupid dating rules are. I suspect that we both felt uncertain as to the next step and he was just as nervous as I was..lol. Someone had to make the first move and I choose to take matters into my own hands thanks to all your great advice
 
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