Casual dating without casual sex?


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PebblesC is offline PebblesC Post #1  June 14,2010, 2:07pm
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Hello

I have been lurking here for a while, so I almost feel like I 'know' some of you. The advice I've read is insightful and valuable, so I know I've come to the right place for help.

My question is: is it possible for a woman to find men for casual dating without the man expecting casual sex?

I am not looking for a serious relationship right now, as I have recently ended a long-term relationship. I am looking for, I guess, male friends with extremely limited benefits (although I am not adverse to some light making out after knowing someone a while ). I do not wish to have sex outside of a committed relationship. I enjoy male companionship for dinners, dancing, sporting events, and general fun. I do have male friends, but all of them are in relationships. I choose not to 'friend date' male friends in relationships out of respect for them and their partners. I do not wish to cause jealousy or other problems.

By the way, I would expect to pay my own way. I am not looking for free meals, just fun and experience dating (non-sexual experience, that is).

The problem I have had previously is that the men I have been matched with (before my long-term relationship) were all interested in forming serious relationships. I seem to attract 'relationshippy' men. I don't feel it's fair for me to enter a serious relationship at this time or it could be a rebound thing.

I am just worried that a profile looking for casual dating without casual sex would not appeal to many matches.

What is your opinion or advice?

P.S. I can give more background about myself, if you feel it would be relevant.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  June 14,2010, 2:09pm
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Just about anything is possible ...

The more reasonable it is, and the more it conforms to the desires of others, then the more likely you are to find it.

Where I see this being difficult, is that most people (I am sure) are looking for sex, if not primarily then certainly as part of a relationship. Some men may initially indicate a willingness to go along - and then create awkwardness as they try to get sex.

Another problem, is that most people (therefore) will also be trying to date, so this situation puts them in a bind: having you is wasting their time and funds, and is potentially awkward to explain to a "real" date.

You may succeed in finding some men with a low desire for sex; that might solve the short term need, but if you subsequently do decide you want a relationship, your partner may then be dissatisfying.
Last edited by D_Lion; June 14,2010 at 2:13pm.
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #3  June 14,2010, 2:14pm
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Welcome to the board, Pebbles. Glad you decided to join the conversation

I think if you are specific about your expectations before you go out you should be fine. I've met plenty of men who make casual dating the norm. They don't seem to expect anything other than a nice meal and conversation.
 
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PebblesC is offline PebblesC Post #4  June 14,2010, 2:17pm
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Thank for replying, D_Lion.

Yes, I agree with what you posted.

I guess, in my awkward way, I am trying to find out (without scoping for dates here) if there are many men who would be interested in such an arrangement. Or would I be wasting my time and be inundated with one-night-stand seekers.

Edited to add: Thank you AndielsMe, too. Your words are encouraging.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #5  June 14,2010, 2:29pm
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I think I would be disinclined to communicate with you (and I get extremely few matches where I live, so that is a significant comment.)

While I see this as a fine desire on its own, I also see it as a symptom of one or more conditions, which is where I see the problems:

- Too soon out of a relationship, and / or too emotional. This is likely to present a compatibility concern for me.

- Lack of sex, for what reason? Again, compatibility.

I do think you will be inundated - but that is what happens when women use online dating, anyway.

Where I am more concerned is that the best men would skip past you (the one thing I bias by actions toward is to get the highest quality people - I don't care how many junky people write me, as long as some good ones do too.)

You do not necessarily have to disclose either the recency of your prior relationship, or this "casual" desire, also. You can simply create a normal profile, and, after meeting as it comes up, then indicate a desire to defer sex for some time. Since this deferral is already within the range of what many women do, that may seem more mainstream.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #6  June 14,2010, 2:37pm
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The question I have here is...what is casual dating?

What you are describing is doable, but to what extent? I understand why you do not wish to engage in sex. That is a perfectly valid reason. However, the whole casual dating where you are getting to know someone is actually, in my opinion, a step to see if someone is worth pursuing further into a more than casual relationship.

From what you say, you are not ready for anything else, so therefore, the step of casual dating, does not exactly make sense.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #7  June 14,2010, 2:55pm
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I think that on dating sites the words "casual dating" are indications of the expectation of casual sex.

If you are hoping to find a male pal, you would be better off saying you are looking for a "social activity partner." You could add to this "...in the hope of forming a long term relationship." That way everyone knows where they stand.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #8  June 14,2010, 3:27pm

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PebblesC wrote :
Hello


My question is: is it possible for a woman to find men for casual dating without the man expecting casual sex?

I am not looking for a serious relationship right now
I am looking for, I guess, male friends with extremely limited benefits (although I am not adverse to some light making out after knowing someone a while ).
I enjoy male companionship for dinners, dancing, sporting events, and general fun.
By the way, I would expect to pay my own way. I am not looking for free meals, just fun and experience dating (non-sexual experience, that is).

Let me answer your question with another question.

When and where do you wanna meet?
Last edited by PY_2; June 14,2010 at 3:27pm. Reason: in case you couldn't read between the lines...the answer is yes!
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #9  June 14,2010, 4:15pm
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PebblesC wrote :
Hello

I have been lurking here for a while, so I almost feel like I 'know' some of you. The advice I've read is insightful and valuable, so I know I've come to the right place for help.

My question is: is it possible for a woman to find men for casual dating without the man expecting casual sex?

I am not looking for a serious relationship right now, as I have recently ended a long-term relationship. I am looking for, I guess, male friends with extremely limited benefits (although I am not adverse to some light making out after knowing someone a while ). I do not wish to have sex outside of a committed relationship. I enjoy male companionship for dinners, dancing, sporting events, and general fun. I do have male friends, but all of them are in relationships. I choose not to 'friend date' male friends in relationships out of respect for them and their partners. I do not wish to cause jealousy or other problems.

Yes definitely possible. This is how most of my male friends are to me (the unattached ones, anyway). I like em. I'll kiss em! But yeah, it has never ever been a problem for me to find men like this, and I have found that they are generally men that are scores of fun.
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #10  June 14,2010, 4:41pm

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Personally I think Casual Dating is what we do on the first several dates...we don't know the people we meet until we've spent some time with them. Casual dating is part of dating, for me.

While I'm not opposed to casual sex with the right guy (someone who really is attractive to me-who rings my chimes) I haven't found that most of the men I date for 3=-5 dates expect sex. I say on my profile I am not looking for sex, but instead for friendship first, meeting someone with whom I click, and if that doesn't happen there isn't any way sex is going to happen either!

I think we have to date casually in order to eventually meet the right person. I've had many more 1, 2 3rd dates than 6th 7th 8th dates!

And, I agree with Nanette..most men I've met are great fun. We might not click as a couple, but I enjoy the time I spend with them. I also pay my own way..I think I have more opportunities to date that way and believe it's only fair.
 
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