The woman suggesting the first meet...


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2clueless is offline 2clueless Post #1  June 14,2010, 11:56am
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What's the consensus on women doing this?

I had a nice few email exchanges with a match, and an excellent first call. He said he'd be calling me back later and kind of hinted at call frequency--"I'm really looking forward to getting to know you on the phone." He's kind of new to this (both online dating and dating in general as he is a widower). My heart sank at the "on the phone" part.

My preference is to NOT get into a calling routine before meeting up. I would look forward to another call or two. But getting into some kind of frequency/routine would not be the greatest. I should also say that his pictures were not the greatest in terms of lighting so I kind of feel unsure of how attracted I'd be. In general I just think it's best to meet before anyone gets attached and there is disappointment to be had. But I'm also sensitive to the fact that while I am fine with the early meetup, not all guys are on the same schedule. His circumstances may be unique.

We live pretty close and even putz around the same supermarkets/downtown areas. Meeting up quickly would be very easy. I kinda want to have a plan to either gently guide the conversation towards meeting or just suggest it outright if he doesn't by the third or forth conversation. Too forward?
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #2  June 14,2010, 12:10pm
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2clueless wrote :
We live pretty close and even putz around the same supermarkets/downtown areas. Meeting up quickly would be very easy. I kinda want to have a plan to either gently guide the conversation towards meeting or just suggest it outright if he doesn't by the third or forth conversation. Too forward?
I don't think it's too forward at all...especially since you live so close to each other.
Sounds like a plan.
 
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Breezy1 is offline Breezy1 Post #3  June 14,2010, 12:18pm
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Absolutely pick up the phone and ask him out. Why are we acting like it's 1910 around here?
 
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colormepretty is offline colormepretty Post #4  June 14,2010, 12:22pm
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go for it.

some guys like when girls take the pressure off of planning the first date, i have come to realize.. Especially if your both into each other.


off topic.. i made a thread at 12pm today on here, and it hasnt been posted yet, im kinda new to this board, does it normally take this long? wowzers!
 
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chemgal is offline chemgal Post #5  June 14,2010, 12:29pm
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I see nothing wrong with telling him how you feel about phone vs. in-person (the part about finding it easier to get to know a person - not the "I might not be attracted to you part"! )

I've suggested a first meet and had it work out well - though it was more of an "I'm in your town on business; want to take advantage of that and meet up" type scenario.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #6  June 14,2010, 12:53pm
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If a guy is dragging his feet about meeting, I've certainly suggested meeting in the past. Usually I will explain why it's important to me to meet in person rather than carry on online. When I do that, it's never been perceived as needy, desperate or pushy, but has been called smart or wise quite a few times.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #7  June 14,2010, 1:06pm
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I'd ask him for a meeting. My guy (an alpha male type, I might add) wouldn't perceive a woman proposing a meeting as being too forward. He'd be flattered.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  June 14,2010, 2:56pm
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Think of the possibilities:

- He is shy / inexperienced / nervous about online dating / worried about frightening the women. In this case, zero harm is done if you ask.

- He has a problem, which is why he's not meeting. Has a partner, wants a pen pal, whatever. In this case, the person is no good for you - and pushing for a meeting helps flush out the problem.

I see no downside.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #9  June 14,2010, 3:11pm

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not too forward at all. If I get one of these I usually say something like 'I usually like to meet someone sooner than later, as waiting too long can lead to problems if we start to be something in our imaginations that we are not in real life' or something like that.

I don't even think I'd suffer through 3-4 phone calls. 2 tops.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #10  June 14,2010, 3:27pm
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I don't see a problem with suggesting a meeting. The more people I meet online, the faster I want to meet in person. Email and chat room correspondence is, as cp30 pointed out, likely to create an imaginary relationship. I don't like talking on the phone, either, because my conversation depends a lot on non-verbal cues. So, for me a face-to-face meeting fairly soon is the best way to go.

Some men are reluctant to suggest this early on because the eH advice says women like to go through a longer getting-to-know-you stage. This is not true for all of us, though.

In the few times I've suggested a meeting I have sensed some relief at not having to extend those early email or phone conversations.
 
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