I don't get it...confused


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Xena123 is offline Xena123 Post #1  June 13,2010, 6:03pm
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I am hoping I can get a little help. I am new to the dating world again since about 3 1/2 years. So, of course it is hard to get used to. Anyway, I met this man one afternoon and we never spoke. We ended up seeing each other a few weeks later out. We ended up talking and talked for the rest of the night. I had a great time and we hung out and watched a movie a few days later. Since then, we have hung out about 3 or 4 more times. We had plans a few days ago do actually go out. I was looking forward to it all week. It came to the day we were supposed to go out and I didn't hear from him. I tried calling him and sending a text message and didn't hear back. Of course I was extremely irritated. I thought that we had a great time together the few times we spent time together. I finally heard from him and we ended up hanging out for a little while. We had plans then a few days later. On that day, I again never heard from him. I have yet to here from him. Nothing weird happened I was aware of that would make something go bad. When we spend time together everything is great. When the evening ends, we agree that we want to see each other again. and plan the next time. But, I don't know why what happened this next time? I don't want to bother him if he is busy. But, I also want to know what is going on. Any help?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  June 13,2010, 6:08pm
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If he is "busy," it is on him to state this in a way that you are not wondering why he is not responding to your communications, or following through on his agreements.

If you like him, I would put your complaint in a direct manner: that you expect him to make plans he can follow through on.
 
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Xena123 is offline Xena123 Post #3  June 13,2010, 6:22pm
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I agree. We just had a conversation the last time we were together where he thinks that if someone says they are going to do something, it is expected that it will be done. Which confuses me even more. There is a lot of mystery that I haven't asked about because when we spend time together the topics haven't come up yet. It almost seems like the the more time we spend together the questions I have seem to get farther and farther away. It is just extremely confusing to me. I am afraid to be up front so fast since we just met a few weeks ago. I don't want to run him off by asking him such personal questions. Which, aren't really personal it's questions that anyone would ask...How long have you been single??? Any kids?? Things like that. There seems to be a situation where he possibly has a kid but hasn't said anything and is very weird about it. I am not sure if he thinks I might be weirded out by it? I don't know...
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  June 13,2010, 6:30pm
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I consider it fair to ask any question which it material to your choice of a partner.

If the person balks at the answer, that is mostly a sign the person would not be a good match for you anyway.

I further suggest, that not having confidence in yourself makes it more likely you will waste time, or worse, in an unhealthy choice of partner.
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #5  June 13,2010, 6:30pm
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So, did I read it right?
You two get together but have not done anything in public?
O, and being afraid to ask someone a normal question in fear of running them off is just plain wrong. Your already starting off on the wrong foot.
 
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jayhawkgirl is offline jayhawkgirl Post #6  June 13,2010, 6:39pm
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Do I understand your original post correctly that he has now stood you up twice, i.e. did not show up when you had plans twice? That alone would be enough to make me move on.

Why are you even interested in this person as a friend, let alone a potential partner??
 
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Xena123 is offline Xena123 Post #7  June 13,2010, 6:48pm
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I think I may have typed incorrectly...

We have done things in public a few times. We have have spent time with each other for about 4 or 5 times within a 3 week span. The first time I didn't hear from him when he had plans. He actually did contact me that same day. Later in the day. His work ran late. Which actually happened. And we ended up going out together and had a great time. That was a few days ago. We had plans today to do something and I never heard from him and when I contact him, I haven't heard back from him.

The questions that haven't been asked that I am wondering about isn't really because I am afraid to ask them. When we have been together we have been talking about so many things that it has really left my mind until the night/day is over and then realize I am still wondering.

I know enough about him at this point (minus the things I am still wondering about) that I am interested in him and like him. We have a great time with each other. We have talked about that and agree we want to see each other again. It's just weird...
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  June 13,2010, 6:54pm
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This new information doesn't change my advice:

- If he knows his occupation can be unpredictable, then he should make plans in recognition of that.

- Your questions are still valid. Write them down or something, beforehand, if you forget. (I also suggest waiting for a quiet, uninterupted, time, for asking serious or difficult questions.)
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #9  June 13,2010, 6:58pm
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Xena123 wrote :
I am hoping I can get a little help. I am new to the dating world again since about 3 1/2 years. So, of course it is hard to get used to. Anyway, I met this man one afternoon and we never spoke. We ended up seeing each other a few weeks later out. We ended up talking and talked for the rest of the night. I had a great time and we hung out and watched a movie a few days later. Since then, we have hung out about 3 or 4 more times. We had plans a few days ago do actually go out. I was looking forward to it all week. It came to the day we were supposed to go out and I didn't hear from him. I tried calling him and sending a text message and didn't hear back. Of course I was extremely irritated. I thought that we had a great time together the few times we spent time together. I finally heard from him and we ended up hanging out for a little while. We had plans then a few days later. On that day, I again never heard from him. I have yet to here from him. Nothing weird happened I was aware of that would make something go bad. When we spend time together everything is great. When the evening ends, we agree that we want to see each other again. and plan the next time. But, I don't know why what happened this next time? I don't want to bother him if he is busy. But, I also want to know what is going on. Any help?
Okay, where were his apologies?
Did he grovel and ask for your forgiveness for flaking on you?
Did he do anything to make up for it?
I really cant see why busy is an excuse!
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #10  June 13,2010, 6:59pm
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You did call him to find out why he didnt show?
I guess you will need to wait and see if he calls with a good excuse as to why you were pretty much stood up.
 
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