suggestons for first meeting other than starbucks


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atitagain is offline atitagain Post #1  June 13,2010, 7:08am
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Any suggestions for first meetings other than starbucks? I find the "coffee, drink, ice cream" meeting awkward and also difficult to schedule. The venue usually is sitting next to each other in a crowded area where sitting for an hour with a paper cup in my hand is not my cup of tea. Do men suggest these meetings so to have the ability to bolt or in the attempt to possibly save money? How do I suggest something else without seeming pushy? If they dont suggest a lunch or dinner meeting is it because they are not that interested? People say they do a coffee meeting because it doesnt take as long as a meal, but I think the coffee meeting lasts just as long.
 
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VB_Girl is offline VB_Girl Post #2  June 13,2010, 7:32am
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Since it's summer, suggest taking your coffee or ice cream to go and take a walk.

I think people often suggest this type of meeting because you can make them quick (and take your drink to go) if you don't like the person.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  June 13,2010, 7:49am
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atitagain wrote :
Any suggestions for first meetings other than starbucks? I find the "coffee, drink, ice cream" meeting awkward and also difficult to schedule.
Mine are almost always dinner, with a few exceptions where we met earlier in the day (and those ran into dinner time, so they were even longer.)


atitagain wrote :
Do men suggest these meetings so to have the ability to bolt or in the attempt to possibly save money?

If they dont suggest a lunch or dinner meeting is it because they are not that interested?
I think you are right on all counts. A bunch of men here have said this.

I do not think that "interest" is warranted in before seeing the person face to face (too many people misrepresent themself online, or are simply no good in person.)

While I have much better success, and ennjoy myself more, with dinner meetings, I respect that men have been forced to adapt in this manner.


atitagain wrote :
How do I suggest something else without seeming pushy?
By indicating that your meetings are going to be shared equitably. In this manner, you are putting your own wishes out there - without the appearance of trying to "upsell" the meeting for more of his money.

I am delighted when a woman particpates in the planning, and encourage you to do so. Really, I think this is the only way to do it, these days.
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #4  June 13,2010, 7:55am
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I have much more enjoyed my dinner dates with online guys than meeting just for drinks and/or coffee. I love meeting new people and find that even the ones I'm not that into still have something interesting to share over a longer meal situation. Plus, the drink timing just doesn't work well for me. Usually it's right after I get home from my personal trainer after work and I haven't had time to eat, at least not much, and the wine/drink goes straight to my head and the guy doesn't offer to order so much as an appetizer, which just feels rude to me.

I don't expect anything from these dates than I wouldn't expect from a night with friends, and if I meet a girlfriend or guy friend for drinks, it's common to order an appetizer or two to share. But these guys don't usually offer to order food until an hour or two into the date, once they've decided they like me enough to "spring" for more expense, and by then I'm usually annoyed enough with their perceived rudeness and lack of being a good host (since they invited me and I am presumed to be their guest) that I have scored them down a few points and have no real interest in pursuing anything further.

So...that said, I am going to learn from my own annoyance and suggest to the next guy that we have lunch or that we have dinner, and even say that we can split the bill to make it more appealing to them. I make my own money and I'm fine with paying my share of the bill, and since I'd be hesitant to pay their share, upon first meeting, I can understand them not wanting to pay my share. if it's just one drink, and they suggested the date, I offer to pay the bill, but they never let me. but more than that, anything over $5 or $10, and I definitely would insist on splitting the bill for a first meeting.

But really...a meal does make for a better setting. As for free activities, perhaps walking along a strip of antique stores and window shopping/browsing as an option? that way if you like each other, you could stop for coffee/ice cream.

I do think sitting down, face to face, for a meal is the best way to get to know someone. I hear you on the paper coffee cup in hand, ready to bolt. It's just not that interesting. One option to that is meeting at a coffee shop inside a bookstore. I had one date like that, and we browsed for books together afterward and that was actually quite nice. it wasn't a love match, but it was still an enjoyable afternoon.

good luck!
Last edited by scully98; June 13,2010 at 8:00am.
 
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Daphnie is offline Daphnie Post #5  June 13,2010, 8:02am
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How about a date at a museum? I asked my boyfriend out for a 3rd date at the local Natural Science Museum. It was fun. We are both shy, quiet and nerdy. The museum provides a lot of things for us to talk about.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  June 13,2010, 8:43am
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atitagain wrote :
Any suggestions for first meetings other than Starbucks? I find the "coffee, drink, ice cream" meeting awkward and also difficult to schedule. The venue usually is sitting next to each other in a crowded area where sitting for an hour with a paper cup in my hand is not my cup of tea. Do men suggest these meetings so to have the ability to bolt or in the attempt to possibly save money? How do I suggest something else without seeming pushy? If they don't suggest a lunch or dinner meeting is it because they are not that interested? People say they do a coffee meeting because it doesn't take as long as a meal, but I think the coffee meeting lasts just as long.
There is nothing wrong with you suggesting dinner for a first date.

If a guy (or girl) is suggesting a coffee meeting so that they can make it very quick in case they don't like their match or because they want to make it a cheap date, is this really the type of person that you want to build a relationship with. If I have spent any time communicating with a match and have decided that I would like to meet them I can certainly spend an hour or two sharing a dinner with them no matter how incompatible I decide that we are. And if I am too cheap to risk the cost of dinner then I probably should not be dating.
 
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activeteacher is offline activeteacher Post #7  June 13,2010, 9:29am
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Realize David D teaches/preaches to go for tea (and be late so the guy does not have to buy and to keep the upperhand). Many guys may buy into this.

Without discussing if food will be involved beforehand, you get situations discussed in "Let's meet for a rita (Let's meet for a rita!)"

Now, heaven forbid any woman actually providing input into a meeting. Will the world stop and collapse if she is capable of independent thought? (FYI, that is dry sarcasm!)

I've spent over 2 hours at a coffee shop at a first meeting. And had dinner end in 20 minutes. So you picks your poison!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  June 13,2010, 9:40am
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VB_Girl wrote :
Since it's summer, suggest taking your coffee or ice cream to go and take a walk.

I think people often suggest this type of meeting because you can make them quick (and take your drink to go) if you don't like the person.
This would depend on location. It is just way too hot to be outside where I live. If you are going for a walk you want to keep safety in mind and make sure that there are people around.
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #9  June 13,2010, 10:23am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
There is nothing wrong with you suggesting dinner for a first date.
True. I agree.
If a guy (or girl) is suggesting a coffee meeting so that they can make it very quick in case they don't like their match or because they want to make it a cheap date, is this really the type of person that you want to build a relationship with.
.
*Steals Zals BS flag and waves it all over the place.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #10  June 13,2010, 11:06am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
This would depend on location. It is just way too hot to be outside where I live.

This point can be helped by arranging beforehand to have the right clothing / shoes. Especially for women, who bring shoes which aren't good for walking in. Just keeping a second pair of shoes in your car, a jacket of it's colder, a hat if it's sunny, can help make extending the meeting more comfortable.
 
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