yeahitsme is offline yeahitsme Post #1  June 12,2010, 6:07pm
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Ok, I know this is shallow, but I need you guys to slap me silly and tell me how silly it is.

I've emailed several times with a match and we recently got to that ever so important first phone call. I don't even know what we talked about, because I can't stand the sound of his voice. PLUS, he talks too much, and is overly enthusiastic. It reminds me of talking with a 17 year old cheerleader.

How much can you tell about a person based on that first phone call? Is this irritating phone persona a big deal? First call jitters? Has this ever happened to anybody else? I guess I trust what I hear more than what I read, but its so disappointing.

To call back or not to call back?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  June 12,2010, 6:09pm
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I would skip the phone calls and meet.

In my experience, people are better in person.

If he said something that makes him incompatible, then I would give up.
 
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waltercl is offline waltercl Post #3  June 12,2010, 6:12pm
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I don't know, I think if someone's voice is grating on you then that's kind of important. I mean if you're looking for something long-term then you're going to be hearing that voice for quite some time. For me it is important to enjoy hearing the sound of their voice.
 
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SeeShore is offline SeeShore Post #4  June 12,2010, 6:39pm
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Sorry I would like to tell you, very rightly, that this is shallow and you should meet him and you'll probably get used to the voice... but I had a phone call with a guy that I had had every intention of meeting, but I swear he sounded just like elmer fudd and I couldn't go through with it There actually WERE a couple other red flags for me with this guy, so it wasn't a COMPELLING match. If it had been otherwise perfect, I would have probably given him one date... but it definitely tipped the scales.

If it helps, I still feel some guilt over it. So maybe you should go just to avoid that..?
 
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yeahitsme is offline yeahitsme Post #5  June 12,2010, 7:02pm
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is contractually obligated to say yes

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lol thanks guys, I sure do appreciate it. It feels so superficial ending something over the sound of a voice, but lets be honest there were other red flags too. Besides, If I am going to wince everytime he says anything to me, what kind of a relationship is that going to be? It'd be like only having sex with somebody when the lights are out.

Maybe he knows sign language?
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #6  June 12,2010, 8:14pm
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yeahitsme wrote :
Ok, I know this is shallow, but I need you guys to slap me silly and tell me how silly it is.

I've emailed several times with a match and we recently got to that ever so important first phone call. I don't even know what we talked about, because I can't stand the sound of his voice. PLUS, he talks too much, and is overly enthusiastic. It reminds me of talking with a 17 year old cheerleader.

How much can you tell about a person based on that first phone call? Is this irritating phone persona a big deal? First call jitters? Has this ever happened to anybody else? I guess I trust what I hear more than what I read, but its so disappointing.

To call back or not to call back?
YES and it was dead on. If someone bugs you on the phone, there is a good chance that they will bug you in person. This is precisely why I want a phone call before I meet someone.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #7  June 12,2010, 11:55pm
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There was an article on EH that talked about females and just how important voice is to them. It is definitely one of the major components going to "attraction" for females. So because of this, no this is not shallow. It actually is somethign that matters to women (and some men as well).

I also think all the other things compound the fact that you don't enjoy his voice (or maybe not liking his voice made you want to come up with other reasons not to like him? it's usually one or the other).

My general advice is always to give things a try and give it a little time.... first impressions are important and we all are heavily influenced by immediate impressions ~ but they're actualy not very good or reliable things to go on because anybody can be anything on a first date, phone call, etc. (including NOT being themselves). However, the person you see, hear, and the impression you have of somebody after, say, 3-5 phone calls... that's probably a bit more reliable and you can be more assured that if they annoy you then, or you still just can't stand their voice after that.... then it really isn't going to change. it just is what it is.

Good luck.
Richey
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #8  June 13,2010, 3:54am

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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D_Lion wrote :
I would skip the phone calls and meet.

In my experience, people are better in person.

If he said something that makes him incompatible, then I would give up.
^ this.

Also you have to allow for the fact that he might have been nervous.

I absolutely hate the phone call thing, it gives me the horrors when a match suggests it. Aural is such a hard medium to pull off with someone you don't know. Don't they say that 80% of communication is not verbal? ~ so on the phone you've basically got a restricted 20% to go on. With a stranger, you can't pick up nuance, body language, facial expressions, humour, the silences are longer than you'd normally notice and feel significant. Urghhhh. Nightmare.

Meet in person as soon as it's feasible. Doesn't have to be a full on date, but you'll know then whether you want a full on date.

The phone is not the online daters friend in my opinion.
 
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Andie0264 is offline Andie0264 Post #9  June 13,2010, 6:23am
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I was emailing and IMing with a guy on match. He is a personal trainer and told me he had done steroids in the past and written a book about it and had been on several national tv shows about it. I checked out his website, he had a lot of strong recommendations from clients, etc. Then we talked on the phone to figure out where to meet. His voice was very very high pitched and extremely effeminate. To use an unfortunate stereotype, he sounded flamingly gay. Plus he kept telling me how smart he is. In my experience, anyone who has to tell you how smart he is usually isn't Anyway, based on the voice and the smart thing (but in all honesty based on the voice mostly) I couldn't meet him. I felt badly but I knew I couldn't bear 5 minutes of conversation with this guy. Maybe his voice was affected by the steroids but I'll never know. I feel bad for him. It will be hard to date with that voice.
 
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penpen2 is offline penpen2 Post #10  June 13,2010, 8:33am
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Andie0264 wrote :
...Plus he kept telling me how smart he is. In my experience, anyone who has to tell you how smart he is usually isn't Anyway, based on the voice and the smart thing (but in all honesty based on the voice mostly) I couldn't meet him. I felt badly but I knew I couldn't bear 5 minutes of conversation with this guy. Maybe his voice was affected by the steroids but I'll never know. I feel bad for him. It will be hard to date with that voice.
Too true... I've had similar cases. The ones who readily share their qualifications are probably more insecure about themselves.

Anyway, back to the voice topic.

I met a man who seemed like a good match. But he had the most ANNOYING voice. More high-pitched than mine and very whiny. I continued to date him because I really did think he was a good guy. I kept trying to push the voice thing out of my head, but it came back to annoy me every time he spoke to me. You need to be a saint to tolerate things like that. :s
 
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