Logging in to dating sites while seeing someone


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CH2010 is offline CH2010 Post #1  June 12,2010, 1:54pm
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I was matched about 2 months ago with a guy on another site. We've been seeing each other for about the past month. I thought this was getting serious. We text constantly and talk on the phone everyday, when we are not together. We did start sleeping together about 2 weeks ago. I know, should have waited, but there's a very strong attraction and he says he wants the same things that I do, committed relationship, children, etc. He has been very persistent the entire time, probably too much so.....His interest seems to be declining now, so I've logged on to the dating site and found that he's been logging in alot in the past couple of days (multiple times today). He tells me that he's not seeing other people, blah, blah, blah.

So, my first question is why is he logging in to the site so often? I realize that I'm doing it to and this is mainly to see what he's doing, but also to decline interest in those who are communicating to me. My thoughts are he is now pursuing other matches to see where they might lead?

Second question, do I bring this up? If so, how without sounding like a total pyscho? If I don't bring it up, what should I do?

In the back of my mind, I've worried that I'm being played since the beginning, but just tried to go with it because I thought we had such a strong connection. Have I been played??
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  June 12,2010, 2:12pm
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He's obviously logging on all the time to check up on you.

***

Someone here wrote a good idea, which is to ask something like "I've been thinking of getting rid of my profile, how do you feel about that?"
 
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CH2010 is offline CH2010 Post #3  June 12,2010, 2:13pm
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D_Lion wrote :
He's obviously logging on all the time to check up on you.
Come on...can't you provide some helpful advice??? I need a guy's point of view here!
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #4  June 12,2010, 2:16pm
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CH2010 wrote :
Come on...can't you provide some helpful advice??? I need a guy's point of view here!

You expect more from a frog?
 
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CH2010 is offline CH2010 Post #5  June 12,2010, 2:22pm
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livenlearn wrote :
You expect more from a frog?

Hey, I can even handle the "why did you sleep with him so early?" question. I just needed something more solid to go with.

I think I probably have my answer as to what he's doing, but it's not making this any easier. In fact, I was on the phone with him a little while ago and heard his email beep. He said he had to go very quickly and sure enough, he logged in to the site.

I know this makes me sound crazy, but my intuition is usually pretty good and I think it has been this time. This really sucks, I liked him alot.....
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #6  June 12,2010, 2:24pm
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CH2010 wrote :
Come on...can't you provide some helpful advice??? I need a guy's point of view here!

I tended to delete any personally-identifying detail from a profile and turn off matching once I got a woman to a point of predictability - this means she is showing equitable return interest, effort, and expense.

I do not specifically ask for exclusivity, but I have been able to assume it (reasonably so, I think.)

If his profile has been modified in a way that indicates a desire for something other than what you are (as sign of adaptation from his learning experience with you), then I'd say this situation is not going to last much longer.

***

Just because a person wants the same things you do, does not mean that the person wants them with you. My guess - and it is only a guess - is that he finds something missing in you. If that is the case, you can either cease with him, improve yourself, or hope that he comes to accept doing without.

Keeping in mind, that you have zero credibility to challenge his presence online, if I were in your position, I would bide my time - and stop checking on the person. In reality, exclusivity and commitment can never be assured, so I put more value on how I am treated.

***

I am also sceptical of judging men based on how much "interest they show," as that invites this problem.
 
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newbie40something is offline newbie40something Post #7  June 12,2010, 2:36pm
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[quote=D_Lion;1008491]He's obviously logging on all the time to check up on you.

***

Someone here wrote a good idea, which is to ask something like "I've been thinking of getting rid of my profile, how do you feel about that?"[/quote]

CH2010 wrote :
Come on...can't you provide some helpful advice??? I need a guy's point of view here!
Actually, that's pretty good advice for your situation.
 
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CH2010 is offline CH2010 Post #8  June 12,2010, 2:40pm
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D_Lion wrote :

Keeping in mind, that you have zero credibility to challenge his presence online, if I were in your position, I would bide my time - and stop checking on the person. In reality, exclusivity and commitment can never be assured, so I put more value on how I am treated.

***

I am also sceptical of judging men based on how much "interest they show," as that invites this problem.

I think this is where I've gotten in to trouble - his level of interest has been so high all along. He says he's just a passionate person and proud of his feelings. I have completely fallen for this, which I normally would hold back to see if I am being played and to keep from falling too quickly. But, I've fallen very hard this time.

I agree, there's no challenge for his online behavior. I guess that I just need to let it play out. I'm really not one to juggle multiple matches, especially if I'm sleeping with one. But, considering that he's likely pursuing other matches, due to his online activity and his recent change in behavior, should I pursue other matches? What do you suggest that I do? By the way, he says he is sick this weekend, so I won't be seeing him. Should I stop sleeping with him for now? If so, what reason do I provide? He says we are in a committed and exclusive relationship, so I'd need some logical response as to why I'm slowing things down.
 
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PWR is offline PWR Post #9  June 12,2010, 3:07pm
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I was matched with somebody from eharmony who was seeing somebody else.
Eventually she became honest and left.
PWR June 12, 2010
 
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VB_Girl is offline VB_Girl Post #10  June 12,2010, 3:11pm
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Tell him that you've noticed that he seems to be withdrawing in the past two weeks and ask him why.

It seems you think it's because you slept with him, but there may be other reasons. Good luck!
 
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